Responses to third pregnancy…

[Notunplanned]

I’m 10 weeks into my third pregnancy and have two children aged 3 and 1.

My husband and I have hoped to have three children since our eldest was born. We both have decent and stable jobs (he is full-time and I’m part-time), own a four-bed house and do not rely on family for childcare. We absolutely love being parents and I like to think we are good parents.

I know that my family will not react positively to this news - they are great in many ways but can be judgmental of people who make different life choices to them, and they have repeatedly said things like “you won’t see much of us if you have another”. So I’m anticipating that.

My husband’s family are more open-minded and I thought they would be less negative. I’ve told my mother- and sister-in-law this morning and they couldn’t have been less impressed.

I wasn’t expecting anyone to be excited about baby three, but I really don’t want to tell anyone else if everyone is going to be openly negative.

Not sure why I’m posting. Maybe I’ll just keep the whole thing a secret and let them know if the baby arrives safely.

People can be idiots.

If you've got two of the same sex it'll be "I suppose you'll keep going until you get a X". Alternatively, it'll be "Why do you want another? You've already got one of each."

TBH though, people do get let excited with each pregnancy announcement.

On the other hand, we mums-of-more-than-two make neither of those daft comments. We just say "Congratulations" 😄

Hi @Notunplanned firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy. 💜

I am also pregnant with our third (11 weeks). I’ve only told one friend as I’m also worried about people’s reactions, particularly as this pregnancy was unplanned, but very much wanted.

happy to keep each other company as we share our news!! 🥰

@Dilbertian have you got 3? I went to my midwife appointment today and saw the midwife who looked after me last year when we had our second son, she said “oh back again are we” 🙄

we have 2 boys and had the NIPT results yesterday, so I’m ready for all the comments on gender!! We’re having a girl which we are obviously thrilled about but I just can’t be arsed with peoples opinions!

Ahhh thank you both!! And congratulations @8weekscrossed!! was totally expecting shock or ambivalence - but “oh gosh this is terrible!” was kind of unexpected. 😂

Oh wow! That’s not the reaction you were expecting! Why can’t people just be kind! 🤦‍♀️

I'm sorry! I think having a third baby sounds very exciting indeed. What a lovely thing for your little family.

@Notunplanned when are you going to start telling others? I’m so nervous to tell my mum!

What has it got to do with other people 🤦‍♀️ winds me up so bad does this.... I've had 4...all girls...I want to try for one more but I know I'll end up keeping secret as my family will be horrified! Pisses me off coz it's not their life, like you nobody helps with money or childcare so why do they care!!

Enjoy your pregnancy and ignore the lot of them I say!

Congratulations 🩵🩷

We've got 3 and are trying for a 4th. To make matters worse all of them are IVF and I've had multiple miscarriages and chemicals, plus we have both boys and girls already so nobody understands what on earth we are doing and we get so many comments saying we are mad. On the other hand a few really lovely comments about our strength and determination and how lovely it is weve persevered to build the family we want...but those are fewer and further between than the 'youre mad' comments. I don't care! We love having a huge gang, the DC would all love another sibling and we can afford it.

I'd be so tempted to not let the family with negative comments see any of my kids ever again with those kind of reactions!

I got a lot of "are you mad?" Didn't quite understand why. People are judgemental over everything.

When I was pregnant with my third the standard responses were "Are you pleased?" (Implying this might be a terrible mistake!), followed by "You must want a boy!" (As we already had two DD).
We just always wanted three.

Well today has definitely put me off! I might text my mum so that she can have time to process it, rather than enduring the “live” reaction

Urgh. This drives me mad. We had similar when we had our third, not long at all after the second. As it happens, he was unplanned, but very much wanted. We had all manner of responses. Bizarrely, one of the most positive was actually my boss, who I was dreading telling! She just said "a new baby is always fabulous news"

I think the correct response should always be "congratulations", followed perhaps with "how are you feeling?" if it's someone you know well.

All the best for a healthy pregnancy and new baby OP. Let us know when they arrive!

Wow that's an insane reaction from your family, what is their actual issue? It's not like they are financially supporting you or helping with childcare. The mind boggles!
I'm pregnant with my third and the only comments we constantly got were 'are you hoping for a girl'? Which was really annoying after two boys.

I had my third quite soon after my second. My mum was surprised and kept saying how I was going to have my hands full. Had radio silence from everyone else, not so much as a congratulations. I just took it as by baby number 3 no one's really interested anymore, or so it certainly seemed in my case.

@readyforroundthree congratulations on your pregnancy, how old are your boys?

we have 2 boys. We have found out we’re having a girl this time from NIPT but I’m 1/2 tempted not to tell anyone as I know what the comments will be!

@Crojo I’m sorry to hear that, that’s really unkind. Every baby should be celebrated! How are tou finding having 3? Xx

@8weekscrossed I also had a NIPT this pregnancy and confirmed girl which was confirmed again by the sonographer at my 20 week scan yesterday.
My boys are 8 and 3, what about yours?

@Viviennemary seriously!? It’s people like you who cause unnecessary stress to those who are already anxious during their pregnancy.

@readyforroundthree aww congratulations. Are you telling family the gender? My boys are 5 and 1. I’m only 11 weeks but I’ve read NIPT is very accurate.

Ah this sucks OP. I don't understand what makes a 3rd baby less acceptable to some people.

Congratulations with your pregnancy 💐

Congratulations @readyforroundthree! How exciting!

I don’t know why both sets of family are so anti us having three. Husband and I are both one of two, so perhaps our mums can’t get round a different family size?! I already have a girl and a boy so, in contrast to the questions people are asking you, I think there’s a sense that we’ve already “completed the set.” 🙈 Totally understand people not being excited or thinking we are a bit mad, though.

Congratulations @Notunplanned and everybody else expecting No. 3.

I'm in the same boat, nearly 10 weeks, have 2 boys already and I'm dreading telling my family. I don't even know why to be honest, because they're lovely, but I feel like a teenager building up the courage to tell them I'm pregnant.

Maybe it's because I was so adamant after my second that we were done so I think they'll be questioning if we've made the right decision, which we definitely have, and it's none of their business anyway, but I just can't shake this feeling. Might as well wait until after my 12 week scan now so at least I'll hopefully have a picture to show them so they can see the little tiny person that I'm growing.

Also waiting for all the 'are you hoping for a girl' comments when we tell the rest of our friends and family 🙄