Am I being overly sensitive to comment midwife made about my body?

[minnieot]

Just had my 31 week midwife appointment but my midwife was off ill so I saw a lady I haven't seen before.

We were discussing how baby is measuring big so I'm having extra scans, she said she doesn't know where I'm putting it as bump isn't that big but then she asked where the big baby comes from and when I said I'm not sure as I wasn't a big baby, she said "well you're not a small girl, are you?"

I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive as I'm hormonal and had a tough few weeks but it just really quite hurt. I'm 5'4 so not massively tall, a size 8 and I've always been fairly small framed and, like I say, my bump isn't even big but it's just made me feel really crap about my body. I know I shouldn't care about my body now that I'm going to be a mum anyway but it just stung a bit

Was she English as a first language? It seems like something might have got lost in translation here. Either that or she was just trying to make a comment that you're average height and not "small" i.e. short. I really wouldn't read into this too much!

@palomatoast she was English, so not lost in translation but I think you're probably right that I'm reading too much into it. Thank you so much for your response x

It sounds like you're reasonably small at 5'4" and a size 8 so yes I would say it's an odd comment! But don't take it to heart, it's just a thoughtless passing comment. I saw an unknown midwife with my 5th baby and she said my bump was small and then said 'aren't you worried?' I replied 'well, I am now!' She then examined me and had a feel of the baby and said 'Oh, I think it could be breech!' which I knew was not true so I concluded that she was just rubbish! Baby wasn't breech and he was 7lb 12 so not small either! 😂

Could she have been "talking to the baby?"

Agree with pp, could she have been talking to the baby? You aren’t huge and you are not a girl so it would be odd.

@Noseybookworm thank you for your comment, I think you're right, she probably just spoke without thinking. I cannot believe that midwife asked if you were worried, what a way to make you worry!! x

@Posithor @AstonMartha baby is a boy and we'd been referring to him as he/him up until that point. She was a bit older and quite patronising and I am young for a first time mum but did find it a little strange that she used the word "girl" too x

I would kill to be 5'4" and size 8. It's a really weird comment and YANBU to be a bit discomfited by it but it's all on her, you're clearly a pretty small person!

I find it rude and I would have said something back to her but hopefully you are able to let it go.

Midwife is out of line.

You could say “amazing that I’m still smaller than you and I’m 8 months pregnant!”

5ft4 and size 8 is small. I wish I was that size. Don't give it another thought.

@minnieot I had a man say to me once that “ You are a big girl!”

He meant tall as his GF was about 5 foot, and he himself was a short man.

I said today that someone’s pet cat was “Tiny” and she replied “She’s huge compared to how she was “

Size is all relative.

Odd comment.

Was she tiny herself? I've found some women who are very small themselves - as in, from a body size rather than height perspective - seem to always have an opinion on women who are bigger than them, and will note that you're 'big' even if (as in your case) you're clearly not, just 'bigger than them'!

Could you have misheard and she said "well you're a small girl"?

I wonder if what she was thinking came out in a jumble; I do this all the time when distracted or stressed. Polite words come out rudely - ‘I’ll just grab it’ and ‘don’t worry no problem’ can end up ‘no don’t just grab it.’ Thinking you’re a small girl/not a big girl and it coming out you’re not a small girl is something I could see myself saying. I also think this because five foot four is on the smaller side of average heightwise, a size eight is slim, and if it was obvious where you were storing your big baby and were otherwise Amazonian she’d not have been asking where you are putting it all and where the baby’s size comes from. Sounds like she had herself a blemblem moment? Congrats on your pregnancy 💐

If you are a size 8 with a small bump let this wash over you. Regardless of what she meant it isn't in reality true so just roll your eyes!

I saw all manner of insensitive and ill-informed idiots throughout each of my pregnancies. You expect healthcare workers to be trained in dealing with people, to be better communicators and to exercise greater discretion than your average Joe. They’re not and they don’t.

They’re just an ordinary cross-section of society - some are brilliant, kind and empathetic, and some are poorly trained or thick as mince or just plain nasty (and probably shouldn’t be employed to do what they do). I was even given post-natal advice that was clearly just that person’s (wrong and very outdated) opinion.

Sorry you’ve had someone say something hurtful and knock your confidence when you’re pregnant and feeling vulnerable, but honestly, just dismiss it as a ‘her’ thing, not a ‘you’ thing. They’re just people; some of them are arseholes and their word is not sacrosanct just because they’ve got a badge and a notebook.

I'm only an inch shorter than you and the same size and if someone said that to me I'd just laugh and assume I'd misheard or not understood what they were trying to get at.

Just ignore her. If you're a size 8, 5'4 and just have a pregnancy bump, there's nothing big about you. Some midwives are arseholes and some will just make conversation and not really think before they speak.

I remember being pregnant with my second child and I had 1 stretch mark on the inside of each thigh that appeared around 36 weeks. I was a healthy weight pre pregnancy and had put on about 1.5 stone so not much. At my 40 week appointment, I had a different midwife to usual and she asked me when I'd got those 2 stretch marks. I said I'd only got them in the last month and she said 'oh what a shame to get stretch marks there' and 'if only the baby would have come early, you'd not have them'......erm, no thanks, I didn't want my baby to come early and therefore have health complications just so I didn't get 2 stretch marks thanks! I can only think she really wasn't thinking.

I’d take it that she’s muddled her words up and meant, “you aren’t a big girl, are you?.

I had a nurse tell me she was delighted to hear I was positive for COVID.
I’d tested negative but the outcome of the test was “positive” news so I understood the mixup.

If she did mean what she said, she’s been an absolute bitch. Do you have to see her again? If so, I’d request a change and explain why.

I'll give you a laugh

Went to the midwife 5 days post c-section to get my dressing changed or whatever

I said I was a bit concerned at how the consultant had sewn me up and the trapped bit of skin between my 2 scars (2nd section)

She poked it and said "my darling.. that is what we call fat"

I was like

I'm 5ft1 and 7.5st for reference and was in my size 8 jeans coming out of the hospital

Never forgot it. Clearly

I think she meant the size you were as a baby is irrelevant to the present size of your baby…possibly?

As a Health Care professional. Nope that was not ok for her to comment on.

I am 5'7 currently 102kg at 39 weeks and when I comment on my weight to my midwife she scoffs and says I am fine. Which I know is a lie 😂 but she is not going to say Yes your over weight etc.
Not there place to make comments like that using those terms especially. As it was not a discussion about health.

Usually they will ask at hookong if you were a big baby, big babies from MIL or DM side etc as genetically there is a pattern. But making an assumption off of someones current appearence means Jack all.

She was probably jealous!!

I'll be your adopted auntie for the next day or two, just tell her your auntie says your body frame is like hers. Your muscle tone keeps body posture in line. Tell her auntie is 74, 5'4 and still your size after 4 babies.

Honestly not all midwives are tactful. Mine was plain rude and told me to stop gaining weight with my 1st baby as I was getting too big 🙄🙄yeah thanks a lot! I wasn't stuffing my face all day I just gained a lot of weight. Really hurtful and rude and it did upset me. I would just ignore her comments OP & congrats on your pregnancy x