Am I being overly sensitive to comment midwife made about my body?

[minnieot]

Just had my 31 week midwife appointment but my midwife was off ill so I saw a lady I haven't seen before.

We were discussing how baby is measuring big so I'm having extra scans, she said she doesn't know where I'm putting it as bump isn't that big but then she asked where the big baby comes from and when I said I'm not sure as I wasn't a big baby, she said "well you're not a small girl, are you?"

I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive as I'm hormonal and had a tough few weeks but it just really quite hurt. I'm 5'4 so not massively tall, a size 8 and I've always been fairly small framed and, like I say, my bump isn't even big but it's just made me feel really crap about my body. I know I shouldn't care about my body now that I'm going to be a mum anyway but it just stung a bit

5ft 4 and size 8 is not big by any stretch if the imagination. To me it's sounds tiny. I have no idea what she was on about. Ignore her. Bet she wasn't size 8.

Did she maybe mean ‘tall’ instead of ‘small’ meaning baby is measuring big for height reasons?

also side note don’t take the measurements to heart. I measured 4 weeks ahead and had growth scans which showed she was about 9lb at 37 weeks…so they did a section the next week….she arrived 6lb 15oz. She was totsy!

You aren't being overly sensitive and I'd talk to your normal midwife about it. But do not take it to heart, we'll try not too, not that there is anything wrong with being bigger, but clearly you aren't so trying your best to ignore it xx

5’ 4” isn’t small. It’s average sized. Small is 5’ and under.

A midwife isn’t going to call a third trimester pregnant woman “fat” by saying they’re “not small”. The comment will be in relation to your height being average, not small.

She meant that you ended up an average / normal height, she wasn't saying that you are chubby. Honestly I would have thought that was obvious.

What a mean and silly thing to say OP. But midwives are just as capable of being arseholes as anyone else. Mine commented that I wouldn't be wearing a bikini again when she caught sight of my (pretty awful) stretch marks. I was only young then and wish I'd stood up for myself and reported her.

I used to have an eating disorder and that comment would have really upset me. Some midwives are just unpleasant. I needed help with breastfeeding with my first in hospital as he wasn’t latching and I had a nasty episiotomy. I always remember the midwife who acted like I was being stupid and that ‘I’d need to feed him on my own at home.’ Wish I’d replied that my partner, who had a grand total of 0 stitches in his genitals, would be helping me, thanks!

She's being daft. Not all midwives are good unfortunately. Some i'm sure are sadistic.

Also, why should you not care about your body or appearance now you're a mum? Where did you get that idea? It might not be your top priority for a while but don't feel ashamed to take pride in your appearance if that's something you value x

I'd go with words in a jumble. All your other conversation points to the fact she's intrigued by the big baby carried by a small person. It's small talk and she's expecting you to say 'yeah my husband in 6 foot 3'.

Similarly the 'i don't know where you are putting it' suggests she thinks you are very neat.

She has probably meant to say 'you are small or 'not big' but has mashed the two together. We've all done it.

Some midwives do say some funny things. They do need to be sensitive talking about someone's body size though.

The midwife that did my booking in didn't believe that I only drank 10 units of alcohol a week regularly before pregnancy - I knew it was pretty accurate as I did weight watchers and tracked everything! Also she would not write down my height as five foot seven and a half but only five foot seven. She said being only 5'1" herself I was quite tall enough and didn't need the extra half an inch. 😀

She was a good experienced midwife though and that's the main thing.

My GP when I went to her announcing my pregnancy said "Oh no. On the whole I much prefer puppies." Then I talked about my parents getting a dog and we just talked about labradors for the rest of the appointment 😅

It’s a bit odd…
but yes I think you are reading too much into it as she essentially said your bump is normal/small so surprised you are having a big baby then sort of contradicted it. Although she might have been trying to reassure you re: the birth ie you can do it as a lot of smaller women are terrified of birthing big babies… as in “You aren’t so small yourself you’ll be fine in labour”

you clearly aren’t overweight

id assume she’s tired/ on autopilot / just yammering away while trying to do the scan

It baffles me how unthoughtful, unthinking and unemapthetic medical professionals are when you are your most vulnerable. They see so many, and become blind to the humanity in it.

I'm so sorry!

Sounds like your not showing which would be the other way round as a size 18 and having growth scans as "I'm too big to measure the way we would got someone normal and smaller" I feel you
But I was a genriatric month at 30...so clearly the misogyny in medicine is just there and designed to make as feel grim!

Try and block it out. Do ask about options around baby being big and you being small though if growth continues, so you can make right decisions for you and advocate for yourself.

:) keep growing that tiny human mumma, you're beautiful growing life and how you feel about your body is important x

My midwife came out to see me when I returned home after having my baby. She took one look at my DS and said "Well,I'm really surprised. He's not a bad looking baby at all is he?" There's no filter sometimes is there?

OMG what an insensitive horrible midwife. Wish I was size 8 again as I'm 5.4 size 16/18 but I am 70 so cuddly grannies. Ignore her she sounds like one of those people that will always put people down. Just possible it's your baby's father who is the tall person. My son was almost 10lb born but hubby is 6ft tall. Good luck with the birth take any pain relief on offer. 🙂

Clearly she's wrong and should only make references to your size if it impacts your pregnancy.

Were you lying down and did she think you were taller than you are?

I once had the blood donor people ask if I was heavy enough to donate (the lower threshold is 7st12 I think) because they were having trouble find a vein.

I am 5'8" so if I was 7st12 I would be very underweight and look terrible. They must have thought I was shorter than I am. I'm slim for sure, but not that slim.

I was 24, a month off 25 when I gave birth. Afterwards the midwife said to me, ‘now don’t go getting yourself pregnant again any time soon’. I was mortified. I’d been with my husband since we were 15.

Anyway, I never went on to have anymore kids. It shouldn’t have affected me and I probably interpreted it in the wrong way, but it sort of did.

This is so true! I've also found this; very small women I.e 5"2 and under never stop going on about how "tiny" they are, it's so boring no-one cares! I am 5"5 and a size 10/12, they make you feel like you're some kind of giant in comparison.

I think she was just talking about your bump. I've always had huge bumps and with my 2 boys they were off the scale on measurements and i had extra scans due to measuring ahead yet first came out 7lb 15.5 and second was 9lb 9 and they were both 13 and 8 days late. My girl I was still measuring nearly as big bump wise yet I had scans for her because her growth dropped off she was a 39+2 baby and weighed 7lb 3oz. They are probably wrong about your baby too no doubt.

How odd to say someone of 5'4 and size 8 'isn't small'? She's clearly an idiot or needs glasses.
Thankfully she's not your regular midwife. Just ignore the silly comment.

I remember one telling me " this is a very small baby, I hope we are not going to need the flying squad out at 4am" I was having a home birth and she absolutely terrified me. Baby was 7lb 11 oz and fit as a flea. I

You know full well you’re on the small side, so why give it head space?

A very odd comment. I’m 5’4 size 8, DS was teeny tiny because of a crappy placenta and people, including many midwives, kept saying it may be genetic because of my size. That size being err, totally average. I can’t believe someone would be told this was big. Are you sure you didn’t mishear?

This.

A previous poster refers to her 7lb 12oz baby as not small but in relation to mine, he/she would be positively tiny!

OP: at 5'4", you aren't especially small so I would assume the midwife meant you weren't noticeably shorter than average.

FWIW, I was a pretty small baby. My first born was twice the weight I was!

Five ft 4 and a size 8. Wish I was a size 8. Midwife should mind what she says,that's out of order.But.....you are going to be a Mum, so congratulations! Concentrate on your health and baby's,and forget about about someone else's verbal diarrhoea love.xx