Can’t enjoy pregnancy because I’m terrified of c-section

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NC for this thread because I’m embarrassed for feeling as I feel…

3 months until my much wanted baby arrives, but all I feel is horror about my planned c-section (considered safer for me for medical reasons). I should be enjoying my last trimester and meeting the baby soon, but all I can think is having major surgery soon instead. Being cut open while awake, a lot of needles, being uncomfortable during the op (to say the very least, I’ve heard you feel like you can’t breathe, shake and are sick), followed by weeks of painful recovery.

I can’t see it as each day now brings me closer to meeting my baby because at the same time, each day brings me closer to what will probably be the most painful time in my life.

I can’t talk to anyone in real life. My midwife just confirms that it is major surgery and will take a long time to recover, my mum laughed it off with something along the lines of ‘yes, having kids is painful in ways you’d never imagined’, and DH doesn’t get that it’s major surgery. He actually asked if we could just go home afterwards rather than spend the night in hospital, and if I’d be ok with chilling out with the baby at home the next day while he goes to work (he’s freelance, no paid leave). He says it’s a routine op done every day and no big deal.

My question is, did anyone feel the same and has found coping strategies or any way to feel better and to look forward to the day their baby will be born? Will it actually be better on the day than it appears to be right now? Please be gentle/consider moving on rather than commenting if you can’t sympathise, I’m not looking for opinions on whether or not I’m being unreasonable (I already know that I am and that a healthy baby is the most importantly thing etc).

I’ve had to Vb’s and one elective (last one). Elective was the easiest recovery of all. My Vb’s left me with life changing injuries. I Was digging up the old tomato plants 4 days post op. The one thing about a birth, any birth. Is that you cannot plan/predict any of it.

It is major surgery, but a planned c section is very different from an emergency one, and can be way more relaxed. You needn't feel uncomfortable during the surgery, and there will be a screen up so you won't see anything. When we had DC2 they played music we'd requested in theatre and the surgeons seemed really experienced at having calm and lighthearted chat with each other so you didn't need to think about what they were doing (while obviously not seeming like they weren't paying attention!). You are also right to take recovery seriously but as long as you keep on top of your pain meds and don't try to do too much too soon you will be fine. And they will keep you in at least overnight.

Read this thread, it’ll do good things to you

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childbirth/5089865-disappointed-to-need-a-c-section-any-advice-welcomed

Fwiw, had a couple, didn't feel like I couldn't breathe, was not sick, did get a bit shakey after but that wasn't a problem really. It was weird/ surreal but not bad. The next day I used paracetamol and it hurt/needed adjustments but it really was ok. But I think your partner or someone definitely needs to be around to help for the first couple of weeks at least if at all possible.

I think you need to confide in your midwife and be very honest, it's such a shame for this to dominate the next few weeks, see what they can offer to help?

I don’t know if this will help but I had a planned c-section and it was a wonderful experience. Of course I was nervous but it was great. No shaking, I could breathe fine, no being sick. All the staff were so calm and reassuring. I was up walking within 12 hours and took my baby a short walk in the pram within a week. You’re worried about being awake for it but you can request a GA, if you’d prefer? Although I personally found being awake a good experience.

This is how mine went -
arrived and booked in
saw the anaesthetist who fitted a cannula
waited around for ages (it felt like ages but really it was a few hours!)
walked down to theatre, said hi to all the staff
spinal block administered, anaesthetist was right by my head the whole time talking to me and being reassuring
baby out within minutes, got to cuddle immediately, possibly could have done skin to skin immediately but I wanted to wait
baby went to recovery with DH to wait for me
stitches took maybe half an hour?
met DH and baby in recovery and did skin to skin asap
had a well deserved sandwich and cup of tea
a few hours later up to the ward
up walking as soon as I could
discharged 36 hours after being admitted

My EMCS was a little more difficult because I had laboured beforehand. But with a planned one you are more rested.

Sorry for the long post but I thought maybe if you heard a good experience it may well help you. Please speak to your midwife/doctor about how you’re feeling.

I had many natural births and then had to have an emcs... What a shocker... Honestly it was fine. Felt 100%ok the whole way through.. Recovery was fine.. Dc was 6 weeks early yet still manged to bf without issues.. Stop stressing op. Getting your dc here safe and sound will spur you on..

I’ve had 2 sections and a hysterectomy (20 years later).

My c-sections were both lovely! Everyone was reassuring and friendly. I explained I was absolutely shitting myself (I’m a nervous type) so the anaesthetist gave me something to calm me down. I think it was a diazepam.

My DH was in the room too, and the team played whatever music I wanted.

It takes them just MINUTES to get the baby out. Honestly, under 10 minutes. Then I didn’t the rest of the time just lying there cuddling my baby while they stitched me up. I had no idea what was going on really as I was so entranced by meeting DS1, and then later DS2 (in my second c section).

Nothing hurts. You can’t feel anything, especially during a first section. Second time round there is slightly more rummaging around because of scar tissue.

The recovery is easy, especially compared to a hysterectomy. You can do everything except drive. It’s not painful - they send you home with paracetamol because it doesn’t hurt.

Honestly, compared to my friends’ natural births, it was a walk in the park.

I can understand why you’re worried but a planned c section is a very calm experience. I’ve heard emergency c sections are more stressful but you’re not having one of those. Your team will be friendly, calm and relaxed. Everything will be fine.

OP, like the poster above I had a "natural" VB with my firstborn that left me with permanent birth injuries (grade 2 rectocele prolapse).

I had no idea such injuries were possible and assumed the "natural" way was best...

With my second pregnancy I was supported to have an elective c-section and IMHO it was far preferable. I did some hypnobirthing for c-section recordings as prep (Maggis Howell, really rate them) and felt calm going in.

I had a playlist of calming music I'd chosen that they played for me in the operating theatre.

The spinal wasn't loads of fun but nor was it awful. The surgery was quick and before I knew it they were handing me my baby for skin to skin.

My recovery was really straightforward - a nice clean 7 inch would that healed really fast. I spent a night in hospital after both my VB and the c-section - I think it's standard either way. Getting up and about was harder with the c-section but long-term the only damage I have from that birth is a very faint scar - from my "natural" delivery I have a severely damaged pelvic floor that might need a complicated surgery to repair in future...

I think some anxiety is normal but I get the sense that yours is a bit excessive - I wonder if counselling would help? In your shoes I'd much prefer the CS over a VB and think that rationally there's not a lot to worry about. Hope you can find some peace

I was terrified of a section, pre baby it was the worst possible outcome for me.

However, after 24 hours of induction it was heaven. Truly.

The spinal doesn't hurt, you get given local pre the big needle and honestly you can't feel it. Once numb I felt nothing (I was worried about feeling things but they spray a cold spray and honestly it's so strange when you hear the spray but can't feel a thing).

I did shake, my free arm (one arm is up by the anethetist) was very shaky. Get your partner to hold it and it's manageable. Felt a bit sick and got given anti-sickness through the canula.

I didn't know anything had happened and all of a sudden baby was crying and then after that you're so consumed by baby you couldn't give a shit what's happening on the other side of the curtain.

I would say it's 1 week of proper recovery rather than weeks. (like needing painkillers and struggling with movement recovery obviously you still need to take it easy after 1 week). And it's a great excuse to spend all the time on the sofa cuddling baby. But I was up and about the next morning, walking a bit funny but still walking! And if you keep on top of the painkillers it shouldn't hurt.

I've had a planned and an unplanned caesarean and the planned one was a lot calmer but I was worried even though I knew what was coming.

It is a routine operation in that they do it every day but it's major surgery so with that recovery doesn't take time, maybe send some recovery info to your husband.

I found reading positive birth stories about planned caesareans helpful and listening to podcasts and just tried to stay busy.

Also a tip to stock up on pain killers and keep on top of them, different people recover differently some people will be up and about quicker than others but you shouldn't be lifting anything apart from your baby. Take it easy and good luck!

My c section was an emergency one but a low priority as he just wouldn’t come out rather than panic stations.

During surgery I was very sweaty but not in a distressing way and I vomited quite a bit in recovery but honestly it was fine. I would not be nervous if I was to need another.

I did have some minor complications with the wound healing so had antibiotics and then steroids but again it was all tolerable.

Best of luck and I hope you get plenty of reassuring posts on the thread.

I had a planned section (well, planned one day, done the next). It was bloody marvellous. Calm, comfortable, quick.

Afterwards the anaesthetist asked me out of 10 what was my highest pain score, I said 4 and only for a brief time. Everyone I know who had a vaginal birth reached way, way higher than 4/10. I feel very lucky how my birth and recovery went.

All the best.

For my first birth I was planning on gentle birthing, hadn't even considered a c-section as in literally hadn't even entered my mind and I ended up having an emergency c-section. It was absolutely fine and recovery was great. Subsequent two kids had planned c-sections and honestly they were amazing. I found the recovery very easy on both and in comparison to lots of friends who had difficult vaginal births was glad I ended up with the c- sections

Look up C Section UK. They have a few online courses which talk you through prep, the c-section itself and recovery. I also find their instagram account really useful!

Sorry if I've missed it op, but is this your first child and is there any specific medical reason for you to be concerned about your section?

I had an elective section and I was very nervous but the idea of a vaginal birth petrified me due to family medical history.

I was really nervous going in but I did my own birth plan and made a playlist of music to listen to, I had done the hypnobirthing classes and I used all the breathing techniques to keep myself calm and I looked up pictures of the room it would happen in on the hospital website and spoke to a friend who had an elective section after a vaginal birth about her warts and all experience. So that did help me feel quite well prepared.

I was nervous initially, mainly worried about the spinal block because I'm not great with needles but I had that in my birth plan and the team were so careful and supportive with that which really helped. It was really quick from they started to ds was on my chest and I couldn't have given a hoot what happened next i was just so in awe that he was there and I was meeting him. The anesthesiologist was also a complete god send and was sitting beside my head and explained all the noises i was hearing and what sensations I might feel and what stage they were at which was good because it meant I wasn't imagining the worst. Like at one point I heard loads of suction and in my mind I was thinking gosh it must be really bloody and he was like oh that's them draining your waters baby is nearly here!

Recovery wasn't a complete breeze but I felt well prepared for it with all the reading I'd done and I'd lined up plenty of support. I think it was almost like a good excuse to really take it easy and rest and enjoy lovely baby snuggles in bed. I think after a vaginal delivery I'd have felt under more pressure to be back to normal faster.

If we're ever lucky enough to do it again I would opt for another section and I would be more excited than nervous because for me it was really wonderful.

Also just to say I am a planner so I did extensive reading into this. There was a huge difference in the outcomes for women who had a planned vs emergency section both in the experience and in the recovery.

I had an emergency section at 26 weeks and it was chaos. 19 people in theatre and absolute panic all around.

Physically it wasn't bad at all. No shaking or vomiting, no pain obviously. I could feel a little rummaging but it was nothing in any way concerning. It really was a totally positive experience from that point of view.

I was moving well within 24 hours and really wasn't in too much pain at all, only a bit of Paracetamol needed. But I did take it very easy so as not to do any damage. I drove after 2 weeks when DH went back to work and I felt pretty good.

I understand. I've had 2 c-sections and 3 vaginal births. Personally I found the waiting was the worst bit with the elective one. After they've done it things can only get better. I preferred the emergency c-section because the surgeon just shouted "theatre, now" and ds was born 20 minutes later. The waiting is the worst bit. I'll be honest and say I found the operation and recovery very hard but from being on mumsnet I have learnt that I am in the minority with that. But after the operation is done it honestly gets a bit better every day. You will be ok, and the baby will be worth it. But your fears and worries shouldn't be dismissed, it's horrible when people do that.

I had an ELCS. No pain whatsoever. I was surprised how high up I felt numb and had a few panicked moments thinking I wouldnt be able to breathe but it passed quickly. The anaesthetist reassured me and paid close attention to how I felt. I had a wave of nausea, said I felt sick and two seconds later he'd given me IV antisickness and it went away completely. I also felt quite jittery and woozy but it had passed entirely by the time we were in the recovery room and baby was happily breastfeeding while I had a sandwich. Easy recovery and no issues since. I'm going to try for a VBAC this time but I'm not scared of a section in the same way I was before so if it needs to happen I'll be okay with it.

While my two sections were certainly not 'lovely' as one PP has said they weren't awful either. The op itself is uncomfortable and you might feel sick for a few minutes after they inject you, but you are numb and don't feel anything. The first 24 hours are tricky as it takes a while to get to your feet and it's quite painful, and going to the loo (which the midwives are obsessed with) is not comfortable at all.
But three days later home and went out to a restaurant for lunch, everyone cooing over my baby (who was over 10lbs and did not look like a newborn). It was smooth sailing, though I did not drive for six weeks as recommended which just kept me active as I couldn't stay on the house all day (early babyhood is fairly boring).
More painful second time round and I needed a drain but again recovered well and fairly quickly.

Thanks all for sharing experiences

It will be totally fine. The only issue is your DH not taking it seriously, you need to make it clear to him you will need help and he absolutely must be there for you.

It WILL hinder your recovery if he doesn't help. You need to rest and feed the baby. He needs to be there to feed you, change the baby etc as you won't be able to lift or do much.

Him going to work the next day is not OK and to say a woman who is 1 day postpartum is "chilling at home with the baby" is a child himself. I think I'd kick my DH out of the house if he dared say that to me!

I needed an emergency c-section because of failure to progress and then they discovered a hand was coming out first.
The c-section bit was lovely! Actually much calmer than labour itself.
The staff in theatre were chilled and chatting about their weekends, there was some music.
A drape was strung across so I couldn’t see the ‘medical’ bit. It was just me, my husband and a lovely anaesthetist hanging out behind the sheet while the team got on with their bit.
My pain was very easily controlled afterwards and I got back to everything way quicker than I imagined.
You will be fine.

I was nervous even though I requested ELCS (but would have been far more nervous to have a vaginal birth).

The op was better than I expected. Recovery was not too bad, probably the worst thing was constipation!

Your midwife or medical team need to impress on your ‘D’H that it is major abdominal surgery. Presumably he also wanted a child, he needs to look after you in the days and weeks after the birth.

OP please don't worry! I was shaking with fear going into my C section and the spinal injection stung slightly and then I felt not a bit of pain during the operation. I had a PPH but was told I would have had one during natural labour too, but this was dealt with quickly. Despite the haemorrhage my recovery was swift. I went to a family party one week after the C section! And I went on a short walk two weeks after the C section. We don't have a downstairs loo and I found trudging up and down stairs fairly painful for a while but it really wasn't THAT bad. The pain when not moving about was minimal after a couple of days. Friends who have had natural labours have often suffered just as much or even more.

Sorry I meant to say though the one thing that is NOT OK is your DH going out to work. The reason I recovered well with minimal pain is my DH did absolutely everything. I only got up to go to the loo and wash etc. For the first week all I did was sit on the sofa and hold the baby and feed her, basically. He lifted the baby to me, always changed her for the first couple of weeks, made meals, brought them, brought me drinks and biscuits, cleaned and welcomed visitors when we had them. This was for at least the first week. You cannot be at home without support; you'll do yourself an injury. Don't be scared, but do kick your idiot husband into touch here.