Can’t enjoy pregnancy because I’m terrified of c-section

[SE473]

NC for this thread because I’m embarrassed for feeling as I feel…

3 months until my much wanted baby arrives, but all I feel is horror about my planned c-section (considered safer for me for medical reasons). I should be enjoying my last trimester and meeting the baby soon, but all I can think is having major surgery soon instead. Being cut open while awake, a lot of needles, being uncomfortable during the op (to say the very least, I’ve heard you feel like you can’t breathe, shake and are sick), followed by weeks of painful recovery.

I can’t see it as each day now brings me closer to meeting my baby because at the same time, each day brings me closer to what will probably be the most painful time in my life.

I can’t talk to anyone in real life. My midwife just confirms that it is major surgery and will take a long time to recover, my mum laughed it off with something along the lines of ‘yes, having kids is painful in ways you’d never imagined’, and DH doesn’t get that it’s major surgery. He actually asked if we could just go home afterwards rather than spend the night in hospital, and if I’d be ok with chilling out with the baby at home the next day while he goes to work (he’s freelance, no paid leave). He says it’s a routine op done every day and no big deal.

My question is, did anyone feel the same and has found coping strategies or any way to feel better and to look forward to the day their baby will be born? Will it actually be better on the day than it appears to be right now? Please be gentle/consider moving on rather than commenting if you can’t sympathise, I’m not looking for opinions on whether or not I’m being unreasonable (I already know that I am and that a healthy baby is the most importantly thing etc).

Thank you for the reassuring stories, I’m already feeling a bit calmer about it!

Glad you're feeling a bit better about it all.

Your husband definitely needs a reality check though. Whilst it is routine, routine does not equal immediate recovery, and he should at least be home with you for the first few days. If only for the three of you to bond as family.

I've been a part of literally hundreds of C-sections, so knew what to expect, and wasn't particularly keen on having a C-section either. But it was needed, so I had one, and honestly it was fine. It will be so much better on the day, and afterwards than you think it will be.

The shaking is an unfortunate side effect of the spinal medication, and can't be prevented if it does. The majority of woman (ime, though I mostly deal with emergencies) have the shakes, but it will wear off as the medication does. I was lucky, and didn't shake at all.

I was perfectly able to breathe, and (ime) the vast majority women also do not experience any breathlessness either. I had some feeling of nausea not long after my epidural was topped up, but I told my anaesthetist and I was given some antiemetics which instantly cleared it up. I did not vomit. It's certainly not guaranteed you will vomit either. I would say that more than half to three quarters don't vomit, and of those that do it's usually because they've been given some additional medication to stop bleeding.

There is a short period of discomfort where the obstetrician is easing baby's head out, then when the second obstetrician pushes down on your fundus to help baby out. It was very short lived, and you'll be told what to expect just before it happens. It really did feel like the description of rummaging in a handbag/washing up I'd heard it described as! The rest of the operation I was perfectly comfortable.

As for the recovery itself, so much easier than I was anticipating. It wasn't so much painful as it was sore. As soon as the drugs wore off, I was able to stand, and pick up my baby. Never needed more than paracetamol and ibuprofen to reduce the pain. I took them religiously, even setting alarms for them for the first week or so, then tapered down. I think I was completely off them within the month. I was able enough to walk over a mile on day 3, though that was overdoing it slightly.

I hope you have the best day ever in three months.

@Dyra thank you for sharing! I’ve been so worried about throwing up mid-section and this has made me feel a lot less worried.

I don't know whether I'm just really lucky but I found my vaginal birth harder to recover from

I was up walking about and feeling fine soon after . Walked round the block on my third day home .

my scar has also healed really well , no issues there.

again I found the operation fine, I didn't feel any tugging or the washing up inside feeling that many women talk of.

totally get the anxiety . Mine was due to to having a big baby ( she wasn't ) and due to several miscarriages I felt more in control with an elective c section.

good luck , hope all goes well .

I was so anxious about my c section but I can promise you 100% it was totally fine.

I asked for anti sickness medicine immediately in the IV they gave me so I didn’t feel nauseous. The room was calm, the procedure was fast and recovery was a bit painful but nothing awful.

I was so scared but I promise you it is fine

I have posted elsewhere about being scared of the spinal injection this time round (emergency c/s with number 1, elective c/s this time with number 2). So this may sound rich.

But overall I was fine. It was an emergency so I was tense and very scared, but recovery was fine. A bit sore if you move the wrong way but nothing you can't cope with. Wear comfy clothes and baggy granny pants after and give yourself time.

Being on the table is fine - you won't feel a thing when they're working on you and they will make extra sure before they start that you are numb. I remember once they had me injected and ready to go it all felt a bit blissful, but all the while worrying about my baby, odd feeling. The shaking is just from the drugs, I was shaking for a bit after and my husband had to feed me my toast 😂 I had no sickness.

Baby spent a month in ICU so anything I had endured or have endured since is nothing compared to what she had to go through.

It was the safest way to get her here in the end and ultimately she is alive solely because I had a c section. You have the luxury of a planned one where everything will be calm and relaxed, we had no time to even consider what was happening. I had no idea what a section involved until after I had it and googled it. This is more through dreadful antenatal classes that have you believe the baby will walk out of you and everyone has the perfect birth.

I can hands down say bar being scared of the initial injection, I am glad I've chosen it this.time and I know I'll be perfectly safe. There are lots of people in the room, all with their own specific job to ensure you and baby are getting the best attention and treatment you could hope for.

I can totally understand an emergency section being very traumatic and hard to recover from both physically and mentally but a planned one is totally different.

I had a planned section 4 years ago with my first child (middle of covid) and it was such a positive experience: relaxed, calm, everything fully explained, laughing and joking with the medical staff, they lowered the curtain when she was born, my partner cut the cord, we had early skin to skin.
Honestly it was fantastic and recovery was surprisingly quick for me too.

Although the medical reasons for my first planned section are no longer an issue, I will definitely be electing to have a section again with my second.

You might benefit from talking therapies like CBT to help you prepare and manage your anxiety. In some areas you can self refer. Your husband should not be going straight back to work.

I had an emergency c section with my first. And a sort of planned one with my second. It was sort of planned in the sense I wasn't in active labour,
My waters had broke no contractions and this was considered the best course of action. I feel sad in a way I didn't have either of mine naturally but understand why in both. My first was undetected breach (was 8cm when I had a scan). Second I think my cervix was too high to bring labour on.
Please done feel bad, main thing is at the end of the day you are both healthy. I didn't have time to process a c section the first time as it was so quick. At least being planned you can ask questions. If I had my time again I'd ask for skin on skin. If this wasn't brought up either of mine. Both times baby was handed to dad. And I got first cuddle in recovery.

I had an emergency c-section and it went really well. I had medication whenever I felt discomfort. I was a bit scared of pulling my stitches so I was overly careful for weeks, but I was walking around the next day. No complications. I think the only thing that was not great was having to self administer injections afterwards - DH did it and I wish I'd asked the midwife to instead. Otherwise I had a very smooth recovery.

@SE473 I commented earlier in the thread about feeling similar... Well, I am now 12 days post partum and thought I would update as I did go for the c-section. In the end, this was the right call for my baby who continued measuring very small and I wasn't happy putting him through an induced labour - particularly after having had previous losses and feeling there was less control of the birthing process with an induction.

I was super nervous ahead of the operation, having never had surgery of any kind before. It was honestly, fine! The most nerve-wracking part for me was the anaesthetic room but the team were so experienced at putting people at ease and very good at what they do. They talked me through it all and chatted to distract me through the less comfortable bits. I barely noticed them putting the cannula in and the spinal was fine too! The op itself was amazing. No sickness or dizziness. Felt the 'washing up' feeling people describe and in no time at all, they were pulling the curtain down for me to see baby lifted out (not low enough to see anything else!) The stitching up felt a bit weird/uncomfortable but not painful - but by that point I was excited to meet my baby for our first snuggle. The whole thing was over surprisingly quickly and I have no regrets. I'm happy it was the right choice for me and my little one.

My recovery since has been great! As people say, as long as you keep on top of pain meds during the first week, it's perfectly manageable.