Can’t enjoy pregnancy because I’m terrified of c-section

[SE473]

NC for this thread because I’m embarrassed for feeling as I feel…

3 months until my much wanted baby arrives, but all I feel is horror about my planned c-section (considered safer for me for medical reasons). I should be enjoying my last trimester and meeting the baby soon, but all I can think is having major surgery soon instead. Being cut open while awake, a lot of needles, being uncomfortable during the op (to say the very least, I’ve heard you feel like you can’t breathe, shake and are sick), followed by weeks of painful recovery.

I can’t see it as each day now brings me closer to meeting my baby because at the same time, each day brings me closer to what will probably be the most painful time in my life.

I can’t talk to anyone in real life. My midwife just confirms that it is major surgery and will take a long time to recover, my mum laughed it off with something along the lines of ‘yes, having kids is painful in ways you’d never imagined’, and DH doesn’t get that it’s major surgery. He actually asked if we could just go home afterwards rather than spend the night in hospital, and if I’d be ok with chilling out with the baby at home the next day while he goes to work (he’s freelance, no paid leave). He says it’s a routine op done every day and no big deal.

My question is, did anyone feel the same and has found coping strategies or any way to feel better and to look forward to the day their baby will be born? Will it actually be better on the day than it appears to be right now? Please be gentle/consider moving on rather than commenting if you can’t sympathise, I’m not looking for opinions on whether or not I’m being unreasonable (I already know that I am and that a healthy baby is the most importantly thing etc).

I had an emergency c-section and was terrified as I was being wheeled down to the theatre, but honestly, everyone in that room knows exactly what they’re doing. They distract you by asking you questions and then someone else will ask you to curl your spine forward over your belly and then someone else will be holding your hand checking for something or other. It’s like a perfectly choreographed dance and there’s no time for you to focus on being scared. I shook a lot, didn’t know that was a thing, but the anaesthetist was amazing and just talked me through the whole thing. He warned me when weird tugging was about to happen and it was over so quickly.
I’d definitely look up hypnobirthing breathing techniques (maybe skip the rest of the hypnobirthing stuff- it’s very woo and full of judgement about interventions, some of which is downright dangerous, but the breathing works for calming you down).
The recovery is fine, just be gentle with yourself. The area around the scar might be numb for a good few months, but the feeling will come back. Good luck and enjoy your beautiful baby!

I’ve just had extensive repair surgery, with a spinal block. I didn’t feel a thing.

@SE473 I'm currently 30+3 and have been told there is a chance I will need a C-section this time due to IUGR. I completely understand your nerves as I've also been feeling a bit scared even though both my sisters kids were born via C-section and a few of my friends have had them too. I've only ever heard positive things from people who've had elective C-sections tbh so that's what I'm focusing on. I've found some of the posts on this thread really helpful too so thanks everyone for your helpful replies!!

My first son was a vaginal delivery at 41+1. Ended up having an episiotomy due to him having a hand up by his face and the recovery from that wasn't exactly pleasant and I know I was pretty lucky overall with my birthing experience (apart from the local anesthetic for the episiotomy I had no pain relief) - but I must say, I would also be daunted to go through natural childbirth again - as a PP said, there aren't any guarantees in childbirth - any childbirth. Basically, getting them out safely is daunting! But as long as that is the end result, I know I'll cope with whatever comes our way. And you will too. 💗

I was nervous before giving birth - this is normal.
Had a planned c section, awake, I remember feeling slightly odd at one point but no pain, wasn't sick, didn't see anything worrying.

I know I had pain killers to take once home but genuinely cannot remember being in pain from the section.

Neither you nor your husband are in reality mode. It's not as bad as you think but definitely not as easy as your husband is making it out to be. I believe that you will need help for at least the 1st week.

Can you try hypnobirthing? It’s about staying calm, overcoming your fears and being prepared for the birth. Obviously a lot is about births with no intervention but mostly it’s about breathing and meditation techniques

i do think dh is being incredibly dismissive. It’s major abdominal surgery, just because it’s routine doesn’t mean ‘minor’ or ‘quick recovery’
do you financially need him to be at work the next day? Surely he wants to look after you and see his newborn?

It sounds like lack of support from people around you is probably contributing to your worries as much as the operation itself. Agree with others that your DH needs a much more realistic understanding of what recovery is like - not only physically (which is quite tough, especially in the first week or two, but overall manageable) but also emotionally - having a newborn is knackering and your hormones will be all over the place, I found I really needed someone there for me in that way too. Your mum sounds like she's minimising your worries - it's probably done with good intentions, but it won't help! Would she respond to you saying to her that you know she means well, but being so breezy about something you're really worried about is making you feel worse?

My section was fine - it was an EMCS, so a slightly different beast, but it didn't hurt at all during. I was a bit shaky after, but that went quickly and wasn't a big deal at all - I only remember it when other people mention they also got shaky. Then had to keep on top of painkillers for a week or two, but after that I was feeling pretty good and had to consciously stop myself from doing things as it wasn't good for the scar healing!

I had 2 emergency sections after long and complex labours.
The recovery was slow and painful.
No 3 was an elective section at 36 weeks, I was home from hospital in a couple of days, stitches out on day 7 ish.
I drove 10 days after the birth, there was some discomfort but really little pain.
The baby was the easiest of the three, probably because there was so little birth trauma, he slept 7 hours straight from being 3 weeks old.
It was altogether a really good experience, I did have a general anaesthetic through choice and it was fine.
I also started taking arnica tablets 3 weeks before the birth to help with internal bruising.
Good luck.

I’ve had 2 sections. 1 emergency and 1 planned.

I wasn’t sick either time, nor was I uncomfortable. The only thing that happened was that i felt a bit dizzy for a couple of mins as I already have a naturally low blood pressure.

A great thing I found about the procedure itself was that i felt safe, because i was in a room full of medics.

The trick afterwards is to keep on top of pain relief. Don’t wait until you’re in pain to take painkillers, just take them regularly anyway. Take your own ibuprofen and paracetamol into hospital in case the drugs round is running late. And tbh i didn’t find that enough, so i also asked for dihydracodeine.

I would urge you to discuss proper pain relief for both hospital and to take home with you, with your midwife and consultant, so it can be included in your birth plan.

I've had four vaginal births and they were all pretty horrific. I'm booked in for my first elective in two weeks and I can't wait for the promised serenity of the whole event, rather than shitting, puking and screaming the hospital down.

I'd recommend doing some hypnobirthing - I used the breathing techniques during both of mine.

Don't want to repeat what other people have said but both of mine were positive experiences, just manage your partner's expectations!

I had a C-section with my second and it was a walk in the park compared to the vaginal birth with my first. The recovery was fine I only had mild discomfort from day 4 and was pretty much back to normal after 2 weeks.

Honesty I would choose an elective section over vaginal birth every time. Easier recovery. Baby out in 5 mins!

I've had a vaginal delivery and three ELCS for various medically-necessary reasons. The sections were brilliant. You are surrounded by friendly professionals whose only job is to make sure you and the baby are happy and healthy.

My third was complicated by a complete placenta previa, but even then I was up and walking a few hours later. I passed the surgeon in the corridor and she couldn't believe it. I drove myself home after two of the sections (insurance said 'when you feel ready'). I didn't need any painkillers after the first few days for any of them.

Please don't let your nerves spoil the rest of your pregnancy. You need to rest, eat well and stay relaxed. Good luck x

i had an emergency c section and it was really not too bad. 15 min all done, you cant see much as there is a screen and after you take painkillers so not too painful. I remember going for an hours walk with baby in a sling on about week 3, which went ok.
If I have another baby I will choose a c section again but this time planned.

Hi, congratulations firstly! Secondly I've had 4 c'sections - the first 2 emergency and the 2nd 2 planned. All were fine. The anaesthetist sits beside you on one side and husband on the other (if he wishes to be in theatre). No music in the theatre in my hospital but everyone was just chatting away quite happily. If I felt different in any way I just told the anaesthetist (though he's watching you constantly) and he gave me something through the cannula within seconds - no sickness, shaking or anything really. The sheet that is up in front of you means you don't see anything and as soon as you're given your baby you're distracted firstly admiring him / her and secondly watching them weight / clean him / her. Some surgeons tell you what they are doing as they go along but I didn't really want to know so they stopped telling me. They were all so lovely.... And the fresh toast after was bliss! Try not to worry.

I've had one emergency c section and one elective and I was absolutely fine,take painkillers and don't rush to do things as you need time to heal properly.
I know it most likely feels scary but I chose elective second time around and the first couple of days it's fairly sore but you'll soon get back to normal
Good luck

Oh gosh you poor love.
Honestly it's not that bad, I had a C section and I was scared shitless too.
I was breathing fine, I'm asthmatic so I do panic a bit if I can't breathe. I was sick, just the once after the surgery, that was because of the morphine they'd given me; but they popped a needle in my butt and I was absolutely fine after that! I recovered well, only used paracetamol and I had a 13 month at home.
VB was definitely worse for me- labour, birth and recovery wise!
You'll have a big team of nurses and drs around you who'll support you and give you plenty of reassurance.

Also op just to say, if you're feeling really really unbearably anxious about this it would be worth sitting down and speaking to your midwife about it. I had felt the same obviously about a vaginal delivery and it got so bad I ended up phoning my midwife in tears and that's how I found out that there was also a birth preferences consultant in my hospital. I got to meet with her and talked through all my concerns and fears and we went through all the pros and cons of each type of birth and that helped me make my mind up to just go for the section. Because of the traumatic birth histories in my family and family history of ppd and ppa I was also probably checked in on a little more as a result which was good as I did develop ppa after having my son and my hv was really supportive. So if this is really stressing you to the point you can't enjoy your pregnancy, please speak to your midwife about it - it's much more common than you think!

I would also advise you to avoid any negative birth stories etc... I found that when I was approaching my due date everyone wanted to tell me their horror stories (no idea why people are like this!). But best to keep any negativity out of your mind so you can focus on all the positives that are coming your way.

My planned c section was brilliant, so straight forward and relaxed, with my choice of music in the background. The op felt like someone doing the washing up in my tummy, nothing more. I spent a couple of nights in the hospital (quite social) and was released with pain killers. I made a quick recovery

Oh I remember feeling exactly the same before my planned C-section. I sobbed with fear the night before while my husband, mum and sister stroked my hair and tried to calm me down. I was terrified. It was so much easier and less scary than I had imagined. Kind of surreal but in a good way. I wished I could have gone backwards in time and told myself not to worry so much. I had another planned C section 3 years later and honestly was mostly just excited that time. I felt lucky!

Didn't have a planned c section - had an emergency one - and although the part with our son was stressful as he obviously needed out to be helped... the procedure in itself was fine. Didn't feel nauseous or couldn't breathe at all. I've had 6 rounds of IVF with heavy sedation (fentanyl) and it was nothing like that. Awake alert but couldn't feel a thing. Didn't see anything unless I wanted to (they asked). If I'm lucky enough to have another I think I'll go for an elective c section. As others have said there is a recovery period but you could hit that hurdle with vaginal tears as well. I found putting a sheet or baby's sling wrap under mattress to use it to pull self up helpful as your abdominals are healing. Good luck mama you'll do fab xx

I had an emergency c section honestly not that bad at all and I had recovered in a week.

being uncomfortable during the op (to say the very least, I’ve heard you feel like you can’t breathe, shake and are sick), followed by weeks of painful recovery

I've had 2 emergency sections and that wasnt my experience at all. I literally bounced back from both. When dc2 was 2 days old we went out for lunch. By the time she was 2 weeks old, I was back walking the 3 mile round trip preschool pick up pushing a pram. Didn't need pain killers post theatre with either and dc1 was born after a very long labour, pushing and failed forceps.

Have you made a birth plan? My consultant wrote mine for dc2 because I had a lot of anxiety for reasons relating to trauma (not related to a csection). With hindsight it helped a lot and my second emcs was utterly amazing.

Ask your midwife or consultant to speak to your dh. For me, when my milk came in on day 3, my mood just crashed with both babies and I needed my dh for emotional support. What happens in the first few weeks of parenthood often seems to set the tone (from observing friends and family), so he needs to step up now and support you.

I had my section 3 weeks ago and loved it! It was classed as a planned section even though I only got booked in the day before due to reduced movements.

I felt very well informed and cared for in the run up to the operation. I walked to theatre with my partner and we all had a laugh at him in his scrubs. He got to stay with me whilst they put the cannula in my hand and did the spinal. Breathing techniques learned in yoga and hypobirthing really helped with this part, honestly the cannula insertion and removal was the worst thing for me! I was terrified of feeling something during the operation but once the spinal was in they did a test by spraying something on me to see if I could feel it and I was amazed that I didn’t feel anything. My arms were slightly shaky during the op and I also found it very warm in theatre so they gave me a cool patch for the back of my neck which was the best! Felt some strange tugging motions to get baby out but zero pain and I wasn’t sick or didn’t feel sick.

I actually had quite bad blood loss during but it was all dealt with so well that I didn’t even know there was a problem until I was debriefed on it after. I had a transfusion and only spent 2 nights in hospital, it’s not affected my recovery at all.

I’m 3 weeks on and hardly needing any pain relief at all, my wound is healing great and I feel really able to get on with things. I have been out for walks with the pram on my own every day since Monday and build up the time that I go out for, I did an hour today and feel fine.

We’re going to have one more baby and I will absolutely be opting for a section again as it’s been such a positive experience.

Good luck!