First pregnancy - hating it!!!!

[EveningSpread]

I'm 34 and 20 weeks pregnant with my first, and although 2nd trimester is much better than the 1st, I hate it!!! It's like wading through treacle. I usually enjoy exercise but I feel heavy and weak, and get tired easily. Serena Williams won Wimbledon when she was as pregnant as me, and I can barely drag myself for a walk up the hill or to the gym.

I'm very grumpy. All I want to do is eat carbs and sugar, which fills me with self loathing. If I avoid those things, I feel miserable. I've lost interest in my job. Sex has become this weird thing to me, because my body doesn't feel like my own!

I'm worried about the impact of all this on my relationship. I'm worried about how I'm going to cope with ANOTHER 20 weeks and being twice the size. I'm worried about the HUGE life change of a baby - why have I done this?! What if I'm rubbish at it? I don't feel like a mum. But at the same time the pregnancy is all I can talk and think about.

And this is all while having a really positive, supportive partner who's thrilled at my bump and the thought of the future!

Is this normal? Will it pass? Do I just need to get a grip?!?

This is just my personal opinion and I’m sure some will disagree but: yes it’s normal; no you don’t need to get a grip.

There’s so much in films, tv, social media etc depicting pregnancy as this magical time. There’s also - for me anyway - the knowledge that is doesn’t happen for everyone and there are people who’d give everything to be pregnant right now.

But it’s hard, it’s a massive thing to go through both physically and mentally. I’ve not hated it but I’ve not loved every minute of it either. It’s absolutely fine not to enjoy it, it doesn’t make you a bad person and it doesn’t mean you’ll be a bad mum. And it will pass and all be worth it!

Honestly just give into eating what you want and the tiredness all of it , I'm 34 weeks can't eat all the nice things because I got gestational diabetes and my feet are so swolllen I can barley walk and I've just given into because what else can I do ? Be kinder to yourself rest when you need to and eat the nice things. it is really tough no question but it will all be worth it when you hold your baby ..: and none of us are Serena williams I struggle to get myself up the stairs let alone exercise 😂

I'm 32 weeks into my second pregnancy, I've hated both of them! In fact, when we were discussing a second I told my husband we either do it now when first was 12 months or I'll never do it again as I'll overthink it and put it off again and again, I really didn't want to have to go through pregnancy again!

The good thing this time is I know I felt amazing quite quickly after pregnancy because despite the lack of sleep I had my body back, I could jog up the stairs again rather than dragging myself up like I had had to for months

Don't beat yourself up too much for feeling like this, for some of us pregnancy is just a means to an end and in the grand scheme of your life 9 months isn't long even though it feels like you'll never feel yourself again at the time!

I think it's normal. I hated being pregnant. Never had 'a glow'. It takes a huge toll on your body and it's a huge life adjustment, so be kind to yourself!!

All pregnancies are different. Everyone has different degrees of hormones and swelling, all kinds of different variables. One of mine I was absolutely fine, walking up hills and worked right until the end, on my feet all day. The other was a shit show to say the least. If you feel crap just try and rest as much as possible. No good exhausting yourself. You’ll need your energy when the baby arrives because unfortunately that’s often not easy either

Yes, it's rubbish isn't it? You're half way through though, so just a bit longer to go! I'm 26 weeks and dragging myself through too. Do whatever makes you feel better is my advice. And good luck 😊

She won the Australian Open whilst 8 weeks pregnant, not Wimbledon and not at 20 weeks. Sympathy, OP, pregnancy is the hardest physical thing I've ever done!

I didn't like pregnancy either OP. I felt flat and not myself at all. Bloody love motherhood though, maternity leave has been the best time of my life. Just lean into it and accept pregnancy can be a bit (or sometime a lot) crap and indulge your cravings etc!

Such good advice. I think social media isn’t helping, you see celebs making pregnancy look so easy but they all have cleaners, cooks, personal trainers; and don’t have full time jobs! Honestly feel however you want; and why would you feel like a mum? I’m not even considering myself a parent til baby is here. Obviously you don’t have to do anything exercise wise but swimming has really helped me, it takes the weight off and has helped my mental health and sleep.

Yes it IS normal for many women, l loathed both pregnancies but adored both Dcs once they were born and never looked back, they are my greatest joy.
Unfortunately for some pregnancy has to be endured rather than enjoyed, the end result is well worth it though so please take heart.

I feel very similar, I'm 21 weeks and I've never felt more ill or more tired in my life. It's horrendous. I keep waiting for the second trimester energy and glow but it's just 24/7 nausea and falling asleep at every opportunity. You are not alone!

Hated every second of my first pregnancy. I felt so flat, fat, and couldn't muster any energy at all. This is very normal, so don't feel like it isn't! As soon as the baby was born, I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off me. I felt normal again.

(now 14 weeks with number 2)

@EveningSpread
This could've been an entry from my journal when I was 20 weeks. Completely normal. I had the same thought process as you. I'm 30 weeks now and a lot more clear headed and zen.
Look out for the crankiness and water works that might hit you the next few weeks. Eat what you want. Exercise when you can. I just walk for 10 mins after every meal at my own pace. And whenever I feel like it, I'll do a 30 min walk once or twice a day, which I haven't done for the past 4 days but hey, that's OK.
Just go with the flow.. you'll be fine! :)

Ah I’m so pleased to hear I’m not alone! Thought I was gonna get told I should consider myself lucky etc (I do, but it’s still tough!)

I think I’ve realised how much of my pre-pregnancy years were - consciously or not - about sex and staying fit/attractive. And now neither of those things are really possible or the main thing! And my body is out of my control!

Did anyone manage to find ways to feel good about their changing pregnancy body??

Thank you so much! I always try to remind myself how much worse I’d probably feel if I couldn’t get pregnant - it does help!

I will eat the nice things! I feel you about getting up the stairs - I’ve got sciatica already and am walking like an old woman!!!

People who do this twice or more are made of stronger stuff than me. I’m glad to hear some energy comes back when the baby is born, despite the lack of sleep!

This makes me feel a whole lot better! 😂 Even though that’s still very very impressive of her! I went on a hiking holiday at 7 weeks and every day after waking I slept for 12 hours 😂

Walking not waking!

So true - I think becoming a mum will take months and even years.

Congratulations for number 2! Glad some energy comes back quickly after. Flat and fat is exactly how I feel - just a sort of lesser version of myself, weirdly. I suppose being pregnant is literally draining in a sense.

It's a huge adjustment to your life and a massive strain on your body. Not all women are able to keep going to the gym all the way through or remain in the same shape....in fact most women don't. Stop having unrealistic expectations of yourself, you are growing a whole other human no wonder you are exhausted and cranky!

This is great advice, thanks. Keeping up walking - and swimming as a PP mentioned - really is the best way I think. Food feels like my only pleasure right now, so perhaps I’ll relax about it a bit!

edited to remove ridiculous typos!

I hear you loud and clear. Having had 2 babies and multiple pregnancies. I can you it sucks great big hairy balls!

I fucking hated very single pregnancy and every minute of being pregnant. Hated the changes to body, especially my boobs and nips. Went having quite nice (if I do say so) perky tits with lovely to massive knockers with burgers where my nips should have been. Not mention, being larger with a new centre of gravity. I had 3 yo tell me I looked like Daddy Pig. Yuck!

What I did do, though, was focus on the positives. Increased sex drive is major bonus and was a hell of a lot of fun once I understood that H was turned on by me still. All those little baby kicks and flips, remind you that you'll soon have the most amazing milky sleepy cuddles with a newborn. And that I was bringing a new life in life to help make and then complete our family.

You will get through it. It's OK, to hate it amd your body at the moment. 100% normal to feel how you're feeling right now. I just used to tell myself that, that every pregnant woman felt the same. And, if they said otherwise I secretly believed it was a lie.

Enjoy what you can.

Weirdly I felt better about my changing body once I was past twenty weeks and had a massive bump rather than just feeling chubby. I think treating myself to a few nice maternity clothes, mainly from Vinted, helped! Plus daily walks.