First pregnancy - hating it!!!!

[EveningSpread]

I'm 34 and 20 weeks pregnant with my first, and although 2nd trimester is much better than the 1st, I hate it!!! It's like wading through treacle. I usually enjoy exercise but I feel heavy and weak, and get tired easily. Serena Williams won Wimbledon when she was as pregnant as me, and I can barely drag myself for a walk up the hill or to the gym.

I'm very grumpy. All I want to do is eat carbs and sugar, which fills me with self loathing. If I avoid those things, I feel miserable. I've lost interest in my job. Sex has become this weird thing to me, because my body doesn't feel like my own!

I'm worried about the impact of all this on my relationship. I'm worried about how I'm going to cope with ANOTHER 20 weeks and being twice the size. I'm worried about the HUGE life change of a baby - why have I done this?! What if I'm rubbish at it? I don't feel like a mum. But at the same time the pregnancy is all I can talk and think about.

And this is all while having a really positive, supportive partner who's thrilled at my bump and the thought of the future!

Is this normal? Will it pass? Do I just need to get a grip?!?

25 weeks pregnant here. I hate it. It's making me withdraw from my friends as I can't stand all the shitty positivity and complete disregard for how hard I am having it.

I hated being sick for the first 13 weeks. From week 15, I've had PGP and I now have days I cannot walk. I'll be in crutches in a few wweeks. I'm in agony, daily.

I hate how everyone is so focused on what I look like. Every single person goes out of their way to tell me wow, you look so good. Fuck you. You wouldn't stare down and assess a woman and comment on her looks when she's not pregnant, would you? It just makes me feel even shittier as I know I have already put on 40lbs!!

Due to above sickness and PGP, I haven't been able to exercise, I'm putting on way too much weight and sex is off the cards.

I'm also the main breadwinner and in all this, I have to work 50hrs a week, never complain at work because I don't want to give my bosses an excuse to not give me a bonus, my performance is under constant review, and I have never taken a sick day. Needless to say when my DH took 3 days sick for a nasty flu, I had zero sympathy.

It's the shittiest, worst time of my life. So you are not alone.

I could’ve written your first post. I’m due my first any day and I’d love to tell you it gets better but I can’t say that’s my experience. I was even praying for twins in the very early days as I can’t imagine doing this again although I’d love at least 2 kids.

I don’t have any advice - I’m waiting for baby any day now and as much as I am desperate to hold my beautiful little baby in my arms, I’m also looking forward to having my body back - not in a pre pregnancy size way, more I can move easily, no more PGP, no more heartburn, being able to bend down and moisturise my feet and legs (not to mention de-fuzzing 🐱!!) and I’m really looking forward to getting out for a run 🏃🏽‍♀️

So, you’re not alone. You are allowed to feel this way. 💕 Keep focussing on the future bundle of joy and I hope things get easier for you. X

I'm pregnant with my third, 18 weeks.

I genuinely loathe pregnancy. I spend the first half of each one battling HG. The second half of first pregnancy I battled coccydynia and in second pregnancy full blown PGP. So am expecting similar to start again this time soon. I also get horrendous anxiety in pregnancy too.

It's a means to an end, loads of people hate being pregnant, it is shit for lots of us. It's worth it though.

Having said that, this will absolutely be my last pregnancy, I definitely cannot face the thought of any more.

@WeightoftheWorld I can't believe you did it 2 more times after the first! How??? I would LOVE 2 kids but I cannot envisage ever going through this again (I'm 25 weeks pregnant now). How do you talk yourself into it?

I'm currently 12 weeks with my third child and pregnancy is still as shit as it was the first time! You sort of forget how awful the nausea etc is, but ultimately the desire and excitement at having a child overrides it. And you realise that it's a short period of time in the grand scheme of things. My approach this time is literally gritting my teeth, making the best of things wherever I can (if I suddenly have the urge to workout do it, but eat crap if I want to etc), and keeping myself busy and distracted with work/kids/hobbies. Focus on the positives like people say - sex drive, kicks etc. Weirdly once you give birth you really miss the kicks!

Please don't worry about your feelings about pregnancy being an indication of what kind of mum you're going to be. Pregnancy can be awful, I'm on my 4th and I'm SO glad I never have to do this again. Ive never loved pregnancy but I do love my babies (and they are worth it 😊)

I suppose the desire for another child was just stronger and outweighed it! Our age gaps are 3+ years between each, so that gave enough time even between #1 and #2 that I could settle into being a parent and find joy in it. Then I knew to some extent what being a parent was 'like' and obviously it's for life whereas pregnancy, as grim as it is, is only less than a year of your life. I just literally count down the weeks on my calendar each time! I'm 18 weeks now and i find the first half the worst due to sickness, so I'm just waiting to tick off the 20 week point now and hopefully that will be mostly done with by then. In the grand scheme of a child's life pregnancy is a tiny period of time, as awful as I find it.

I absolutely didn’t mean that as a guilt trip - more that we can guilt trip ourselves into thinking we should be enjoying it all. Just in case that wasn’t clear!

I was really excited about actually having boobs for once, as they’ve always been really small. But they have been so painful, my nipples are massive, and psychologically they don’t feel like they’re for sex anymore! I hope I get a sex drive back as it’s totally disappeared for now. When did yours peak??

You’re a trooper. Men have no idea what we go through. Working through all this is so difficult! I’m fortunate that I work from home a lot, but the guilt I feel for not being productive is unreal. I’ve now got sciatica (inevitable as I’ve had a slipped disc twice) so I’m looking at the same exercise-free, carb-filled fate. Commiserations! Solidarity!!

I have found that stopped squeezing myself into my normal clothes has helped. The in early in between phase where it doesn’t seem worthy buying maternity clothes but nothing really fits is a curse. I just look like I’ve let myself go/eaten a big meal so I’m looking forward to the definite bump.

A colleague at a conference overheard I was pregnant and volunteered: “congrats! I did wonder if it was middle aged spread/being in your 30s - you were always slim” 😑

I had that thought about twins leading up to the 12 week scan! I thought “that’s the only way I’m ever having two!” 😂

This thread is giving me so much hope that it’s SO worth it if people do it again and again. So many people only talk about how hard it is having kids so sometimes it does cross your mind whether it’s worth all the effort!! But it obviously is.

I know you didn’t! But it is important to remember things like that too - I took it in spirit you intended it! :)

100% with you.

17 weeks here and not enjoying it. I’ve had previous losses so super conscious how lucky I should feel this time around. But I’m really struggling, I was still running up until two weeks ago which was really important to me to feel myself and then have experienced a side effect that had absolutely flattened me.

I can’t understand ever feeling sexy and therefore we haven’t had sex in weeks and I feel very guilty about that too and I feel like I’m being rubbish at my high pressured job. All I want to do is hide under the duvet and to feel better again.

@EveningSpread OMG WHYYYY do people comment so much on a pregnant woman's looks? I hate it so much.

I find people going out of their way to look me up and down and tell me "oooh you look so good, doesn't she look great" so so fucking irritating. Yes, it's a positive comment, but there's no way you would look a non-pregnant woman up and down and comment on how good or fat she looks. You might compliment her dress or shoes but not her looks generally. It's just a reminder of how my body is changing, thanks v much, I am aware.

From about 22 weeks until the end. But was raging before that. 22 weeks onwards and I think my husband was trying to enroll in the witness protection scheme.

@Mitsky oh yes, I get questions from friends, family and (friendly) colleagues about whether I have stopped giving a shit about work now I have an excuse to not work so hard. WTF??? Noo. I have to provide for my baby, I'm scared i will be discriminated against when it comes to promotions, I still care about the career I built over the last 10 years thanks v much.

Honestly, people are so dumb.

Hated being pregnant so much that I waited till DS was over 3 before even contemplating getting pregnant again!

Always thought we’d have three but now wondering if this will be our last.

In a lovely twist of fate after posting that I’ve just received an email saying the team is being restructured and I have to be in the office tomorrow to join the official meeting about it. Wonderful news!

HATED being pregnant both times. Threw up every single day of pregnancy #1 from week 7 until DS was evicted at week 39. Developed absolutely crippling pre-natal depression from the vomiting and feeling terrible and basically having my life ruined for 9 months.

Had full blown HG for the first 24 weeks of pregnancy 2. Couldn't even sit up or turn my head without taking an anti-emetic. Then when that cleared up, it was ok until week 30, at which point DD was diagnosed with suspected IUGR (she was 1% above the cutoff at birth) which meant endless scans and extra monitoring. I ended up having to have a root canal due to wrecking one of my molars from all the vomiting.

My DC are 4 years apart because it took that long to recover from my first horrorshow pregnancy. I love them once they're out though and no part of parenting has EVER been as hard as pregnancy.

@Mitsky oh wow, how stressful, fingers crossed for you!!

I know exactly how you feel. I stopped running soon after my first scan, when they asked me to jiggle around so the baby would move position "like a goldfish in a bag of water". Ever since then, when going at any more than a light jog, I've felt terrible. I imagine the baby being swished around, bouncing on its cord like a ping pong ball connected to a wooden bat!

(Knowing that this is ridiculous and all in my head hasn't made me want to run again!)