First pregnancy - hating it!!!!

[EveningSpread]

I'm 34 and 20 weeks pregnant with my first, and although 2nd trimester is much better than the 1st, I hate it!!! It's like wading through treacle. I usually enjoy exercise but I feel heavy and weak, and get tired easily. Serena Williams won Wimbledon when she was as pregnant as me, and I can barely drag myself for a walk up the hill or to the gym.

I'm very grumpy. All I want to do is eat carbs and sugar, which fills me with self loathing. If I avoid those things, I feel miserable. I've lost interest in my job. Sex has become this weird thing to me, because my body doesn't feel like my own!

I'm worried about the impact of all this on my relationship. I'm worried about how I'm going to cope with ANOTHER 20 weeks and being twice the size. I'm worried about the HUGE life change of a baby - why have I done this?! What if I'm rubbish at it? I don't feel like a mum. But at the same time the pregnancy is all I can talk and think about.

And this is all while having a really positive, supportive partner who's thrilled at my bump and the thought of the future!

Is this normal? Will it pass? Do I just need to get a grip?!?

There is hope that sex will return!

I really want to channel pregnant Anna Brangwen in D H Lawrence's novel The Rainbow and be dancing gloriously around the bedroom with my wonderful big bump.

But instead right now I just feel like I've got a small, unsightly rock in my stomach that I'd quite like to poop out before sleeping til June.

I hated being pregnant and was pretty ill the first 20 weeks or so.

The good thing is that when baby is here it is SO MUCH better than being pregnant! I loved it (even though I was of course tired etc).

I get it too and you’re definitely not alone! I’m 21 weeks and finding it gruelling. I don’t have any horrible symptoms right now thankfully, but I’m working full time, have just finished my last assignment for my part-time degree course, and my last bit of energy goes on trying to cook healthy-ish meals and do a bit of exercise and keep the house clean. I’m exhausted! Spending half the night getting up to pee doesn’t help either!

I was just wondering today whether my sex drive would ever come back. It obviously packed its bags and disappeared for the two months or so when I did nothing but vomit or lie in bed feeling too ill to move or think… and it still hasn’t returned. So no advice, just commiserations. I feel like an absolute mess - none of my clothes fit, maternity stuff is too big yet and just makes me look like a whale! So atm I live in leggings and DH t-shirts and have no energy left to bother doing my hair, nails, or anything.

However I keep being told this is the “good” bit - so dreading whatever comes next. I think whoever said you glow in the second trimester was having a laugh! Hang in there ladies at least we’re more than halfway…