AIBU...?

[kelce]

To think it's absolute CRAP that partners are not allowed to stay overnight in the hospital after giving birth?!

Particularly after a cesarean where the woman may not be able to move?

Seems ludicrous and somehow misogynistic? Does anyone know why this is the case??

For the safety and comfort of the other women in the ward.

This isn’t a popular opinion on MN, but I’m 100% with you. I think women who’ve had a difficult birth or c-section and need their partner there for practical and emotional support trump those who were lucky to have an easy birth and prefer a more quiet environment with less strangers.

It's hospital dependent. I had my younger dcs at the relatively new hospital in Northumberland and maternity is individual rooms and partners are allowed to stay for the duration of admission.

But it isn't a case of those who've had a difficult birth wanting their husbands versus those who haven't not wanting them, it's a whole spectrum of wants and needs all mixing together with mothers and new babies who are incredibly vulnerable along with a reduction in staff over night. Of course it's safer not to have partners there.

As pp said I think it depends on the hospital, I'm likely to need a c section and the leaflet from mine says partners can stay overnight. I agree that I wouldn't like to be without him if I could avoid it tho

My husband was kicked out an hour after DD’s (traumatic, assisted) birth because it wasn’t visiting time!

I think it is hospital dependent. Mine doesn't allow partners past 9pm although that already seems like a massive luxury to me because my last birth was during COVID and partners were only allowed to visit for 2 hours a day which was horrible.
I have to say though, I managed better than I expected on my own even though I'd had a spinal and couldn't move much at first so it might not be as bad as you expect over night. I do think it should only be an option for hospitals with private rooms though as you're very vulnerable after birth.

I agree with you but not everyone will. Some women feel uncomfortable with unfamiliar men around which I do understand. Personally I feel it’s worse to leave a woman who can’t move after an operation alone to care for a newborn, and there isn’t always enough staff to support her properly. I had a traumatic birth and being left alone with a baby immediately after was very stressful. I don’t think it would be quite as bad with my second as I now know what I’m doing. But I’d never looked after a baby before, was in pain and terrified of doing something wrong. I also have social anxiety so asking the staff for help was very difficult for me, though I realise this isn’t an issue for most people. In my case my husband was kicked out at 3am after our son was born. He doesn’t drive and had no way to get home, so just sat in a bus shelter until morning, which I also think was very unfair and could have been dangerous if it was the middle of winter.

that would not have been recent

private room? i totally agree and i was allowed to (but we didnt. DH went back and sorted out, got food in, baby bits, slept well and collected us the next morning. it wa lovely !)

a ward? hell no

In private rooms with ensuite facilities - fine. In open wards with curtain bays, totally inappropriate as it makes it a mixed sex environment. The NHS is not supposed to have mixed sex wards unless it's in very specific circumstances. I would not ever want to sleep in a mixed sex environment with unknown men, never mind when I was exceptionally vulnerable, possibly immobile and with a tiny baby to look after.

NB I have had two c sections and both times partners went home overnight. Thank goodness.

Assuming you'd be on the ward, I can totally see why partners can't stay, for the comfort and safety of other new mums. There's barely enough room as it is. I'm dreading having to stay on the ward, got everything crossed I can get out of hospital ASAP.

My partner stayed with me overnight but went home early morning for a nap - he had to sleep on a fold out chair. The three other women in the bay had their partners stay too

and when he got up, said bye to you and baby, got his hits and walked off the ward… probably woke up half a dozen people!

I agree with you OP. I wasn't allowed to have my DH for my first baby due to covid (c section following previous still birth/v late miscarriage). The ward was a miserable place.

Back on the same ward with DC2 and whilst I sent my DH home as I wanted him there for DC1, the other women's partners all stayed. it was SO MUCH BETTER.

Both times I had a women struggle wirh feeding. without DP there she was really struggling and spent the whole time crying down the phone, struggling with nit great advice, no one to advocate for her. The second time, with the couple there together it was so much nicer and calmer. Similar for the other ladies on the ward.

Where do you think they would sleep?

Maybe try a private hospital or see if you can pay for a private room

This is why I always discharge myself after a whilst I am not staying on a ward without my husband no chance. Last baby last year I delivered at 21.49 was discharged from the delivery room at 23.49 and back home in bed for midnight. Was lovely.
Due again with number 5 in a few weeks and will do same again.

It’s hospital dependent. At our local one, partners are allowed but they have tightened the rules around what they can/can’t do while there and now offer wards for ladies who are alone for safety reasons which I think is a good balance.

Didn’t have DH there overnight after DD1 was born, but am having a CS this time so not sure I could manage without him as last time I was told by the staff to get on with it as I’d had a vaginal delivery 🙄. Can completely understand why other people don’t want them there though

Not all partners and husbands are nice people.

Safety for new mums and babies trumps everything, and that should mean that wards are single sex.

DD is 13.

same as my youngest
2010
not a chance he was kicked out after an hour due to visiting hours!

All 4 of us on my ward had someone with us the whole tome. Granted it involved fold out beds but it was nice having company and help after my emcs.
In fact, it was DH who helped me get up and showered afterwards as they were so short staffed so I'd never have managed by myself - it was a horrendous experience and recovery.

I opted to go home the following morning to get back to my other son but DH would have been allowed to stay had I chosen to.

And no, no one on the ward was disruptive like some have said. Everyone was quiet come the evening and crept to the bathroom, no loud tv's or conversations etc.

I agree, I really struggled. I went into labour 2wks early, it was around lunchtime on the Friday and I hadn’t eaten since the Thursday evening. Was out of the theatre by 8pm, husband went home at 9pm. I was knackered, couldn’t put the baby down as it would scream. I couldn’t sleep with the baby in my arms obviously. I was starving. I was at the end of the ward so couldn’t shout for a midwife and my button had slipped and couldn’t reach it. Visiting hours weren’t until 4pm the next day!!

It was horrendous, I felt like I was hallucinating with tiredness. I didn’t get fed until 9am the next day (cold burnt toast), I didn’t sleep at all, felt absolutely no bond with the baby, my nipples were or fire as the baby was constantly suckling and I had no milk. I begged them to let me go home just so I could finally get some rest. I still think about this a lot and really wish it could have been different. There were no private rooms available unfortunately, I would have paid anything to have one and for my husband to stay and hold the baby so I could sleep!!

I totally agree with you, I had a traumatic birth, baby was born at 9.45pm and my partner was only allowed to stay 45 minutes, that night in hospital was far worse than the birth, it was the most horrendous and traumatic night of my life. I ended up staying awake all night and was counting the minutes until he came back in the morning!

He was. She was born at 6:30am, he held her while i was stitched up and taken to the high dependency ward. He was told to leave at about 7:45am and come back at 10am for visiting. I’d had a spinal block and couldn’t move for 12 hours. I think there were 2 visiting sessions a day and they wanted to examine me in the middle of the afternoon one when I had people visiting. Then they woke me up at 1am and made me move wards myself (had to do 3 trips) without help.

There was a reason I had wanted a home birth - this treatment wasn’t unique and I did raise a complaint afterwards. (They also butchered me and my scar was open for the best part of 7 years while they did nothing to help me. They’re the reason DD is an only child.)

They induced me when I was already in labour. Thinking back, they made out letting him stay with me while I was climbing the walls in pain waiting to get to 10cm was some big favour. 😡