AIBU...?

[kelce]

To think it's absolute CRAP that partners are not allowed to stay overnight in the hospital after giving birth?!

Particularly after a cesarean where the woman may not be able to move?

Seems ludicrous and somehow misogynistic? Does anyone know why this is the case??

your husband was there
so the midwives understandably prioritised those mothers who’s husbands weren’t there

nothing to do with safety for me

i wouldn’t have wanted anyone to stay over for anyone. more talking, more people, more comings and goings in the middle of the night

Completely hospital dependent. For my first in 2018 my DH was allowed to stay overnight and it was a godsend and I think I would have struggled (emotionally rather than physically) without him. For my second in 2021 (at the same hospital ) my husband was kicked out as soon as I was moved from the delivery room (about an hour and a half after delivery). I gave birth at about 11pm and they ward was absolutely jam packed and as they couldn't fit me in the post natal ward I was put in maternity triage, which was subject to normal visiting hours (8am-8pm) so he wasn't able to stay. Tbh I quite enjoyed the time on my own and we were discharged and back home by 7.30am the next morning anyway

What's the point in single sex ANYTHING then?

It was interesting to read this thread. I’m 36 weeks and booked for an induction in two weeks time. When I had my first (11 years ago!) partners were not allowed to stay in that hospital, I had a long induction over three days and stayed in post natal ward two nights after birth. I remember it being awful, would it had helped to have someone there perhaps but it was so cramped and noisy just curtains separating people so actually I don’t think it would’ve fit more people.

This time round I was quite oblivious to this option of partners being able to stay until reading this so checked the policy at my current hospital and they do allow it. My husband won’t be able to stay because of my other child and actually I’m quite unhappy that there would potentially be 5 other women (6 in each room), their babies and their partners too allowed. It looks like my hospital has four separate rooms so I will now try to get one of those, if available, if I have to stay overnight. I would prefer men not being allowed to stay unless they’re in a separate private room.

The more I read on this thread, the more I think my hospital is doing it right in having bays where partners can stay and bays where they cannot. So you can request the option you prefer.

From their phrasing on it, I think having partners stay may be the more popular option as they state that they can’t always accommodate this and you may be placed in a bay that doesn’t allow it.

If I have to stay for more than one night, then my partner will go home for those additional nights so he can get some sleep. But as a FTM expecting to have a CS, I’ll be writing in my birth plan than I want to go on a bay where he can stay. Although my preference is for a private room as I have cleanliness OCD and I’m already panicking about having to share a bathroom that may be covered in someone else’s blood! I would cope better with my husband to distract me or let me say my worries out loud, which a nurse won’t have time for! If I’m on my own, I’ll get worked up over it. And I won’t want to have to take my baby into a dirty hospital bathroom. (Side note: are the bathrooms okay?!)

My husband got to stay for 1 hour after we were moved to the post natal ward from recovery after a CS. Initially I was on a ward. I couldn’t move as spinal block hadn’t worn off, was still catheterised and very overwhelmed as dd was our little rainbow baby. I found other mothers and their partners rude, loud, selfish and overwhelming. Men using the ward toilets, opening curtains round my bed, speaking on speakerphone, playing music in their phones. It was a hell hole. I then got my own room where hubby could stay with me from 12-8.

if other patients weren’t so damn rude, maybe partners staying would be ok. But the selfish nature of some leads to such distress for others I’m not surprised partners are not permitted to stay.

Oh no. I was in for 5 days. He went home on day 2 to get some sleep (once i was fairly mobile) they still forgot about me.

OP, I would have agreed with you when I had my first C-section as I was completely overwhelmed and bed bound unable to care for my baby. Luckily the midwives were great.

However, my second C-section my DH couldn't stay because of our DC and I had a really uncomfortable night with people's partners staying. I can't describe how anxious I was, how entitled the men were, how vulnerable I felt, they were commenting on women snoring, on their babies crying, honestly it was awful.

Since then I've realized why people's partners can't stay because not everyone is as nice as your DH/DP.