Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Maternity Leave and Finances 😣 💰

82 replies

KD1988UK · 16/05/2024 05:34

My partner and I had been TTC for 2 years before falling pregnant with our double rainbow who is now 3 weeks old.

During that time we had discussed how the finances would work whilst I am on maternity leave. For context we have a mortgage together and my partner earns 6 times more than me. My job is well paid but I accepted the job 3 months pregnant, meaning I am not entitled to Statutory Maternity Pay (I live in the UK). We both made the decision that I should accept the job as it was a big payrise and leap in my career.

Anyway, we had also agreed that during maternity leave we had agreed that my partner would cover our joint costs and send me money to my personal account to cover my own costs and general living expenses as I wouldn’t be getting an income (aside from maternity allowance that doesn’t come close to covering it!).

Roll on to yesterday and we sat down to discuss the finances now that I am on maternity leave. My partner has said he will cover my direct debits in my account however, I am to use our joint for my general living expenses, and he will not be sending me an “allowance” as he put it. His reasoning is that it is less admin and we can keep track of expenses in one place.

My issue with this is that I would have no financial autonomy for a year. Whenever I needed or wanted to buy something for myself it would come out of the joint account. If the joint account ran low I would need to ask for it to be topped up. I am also hurt that he has gone back on what we agreed.

I do not want to be in the situation of having to ask for money it I need something for me or for the baby… our previous agreement meant I had some financial independence when on maternity leave, and whilst I appreciate him covering our costs, I am looking after our baby and taking a career break of a year to do so.

He is a kind and loving person but he doesn’t see why I have an issue with the above.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
renthead · 16/05/2024 06:44

Yes I agree it's the potential "monitoring" that is the sticking point; even if he barely glances at the account it may feel to her as if she can't spend freely. The way forward does seem to be transferring an amount from the joint account into her own account.

ShanghaiDiva · 16/05/2024 06:59

Setting up a monthly transfer to your account to cover all your expenses and extra for personal spending would be less admin so his argument makes no sense.
what does he do with salary after joint expenses have been paid? Savings account in his sole name?

TemuSpecialBuy · 16/05/2024 07:07

If its a joint account, you have access.
At the start of the month as soon as money goes in transfer out £300/500 to your own account.
If it runs out in month he needs to increase the monthly DD to cover hh expenses

If he asks about the payment you say "you didnt want the admin of personal spends so i have done it. No problem"

Seperately

  • You need to get back to work and focus on it because you are in a shit financial position.
Im amazed neither of you saved at all in the 3 years you were trying and that you spent 3 years working on a baby but didnt marry in this time. Especially given you arent financially independent.
Original poster
KD1988UK · 16/05/2024 07:12

TemuSpecialBuy · 16/05/2024 07:07

If its a joint account, you have access.
At the start of the month as soon as money goes in transfer out £300/500 to your own account.
If it runs out in month he needs to increase the monthly DD to cover hh expenses

If he asks about the payment you say "you didnt want the admin of personal spends so i have done it. No problem"

Seperately

  • You need to get back to work and focus on it because you are in a shit financial position.
Im amazed neither of you saved at all in the 3 years you were trying and that you spent 3 years working on a baby but didnt marry in this time. Especially given you arent financially independent.

During those two years we got engaged, lost two babies and bought a house. We intended to get married last year but I needed surgery due to losing a baby...life isn't always so straight forward. We plan to get married next year

OP posts:
Original poster
KD1988UK · 16/05/2024 07:13

ShanghaiDiva · 16/05/2024 06:59

Setting up a monthly transfer to your account to cover all your expenses and extra for personal spending would be less admin so his argument makes no sense.
what does he do with salary after joint expenses have been paid? Savings account in his sole name?

Yes the remainder he keeps

OP posts:
Parker231 · 16/05/2024 07:14

FawnFrenchieMum · 16/05/2024 06:24

If he’s genuinely not bothered what your spending and just doesn’t want to do an extra transfer. Can you not just pay your own allowance from the joint account?

My thought is the same - move the money from the joint account to your personal account.

Pre pregnancy did you contribute to the joint account on a percentage basis of your individual earnings?

QueSyrahSyrah · 16/05/2024 07:16

Of course he's being unreasonable. If he's transferring money to cover your direct debits why can't the amount be hire to give you some personal allowance? It feels controlling to have you use the joint account which can be monitored.

My Maternity leave starts soon and at the moment DH and I have both joint and separate accounts so we both retain some autonomy.

When my pay drops we'll pool my maternity allowance and his salary, cover the bills, get the same monthly personal allowance each to do what we need / want with, and any remaining will go in joint savings.

QueSyrahSyrah · 16/05/2024 07:19

Edit: hire?!? higher of course!

Wrongsideofpennines · 16/05/2024 07:22

How does it reduce admin if he is transferring money into your current account for your DD anyway then surely he just increases that amount to cover an 'allowance' too?

It sounds almost like he wants to keep track of your spending which seems like he doesn't trust you with 'his' money.

Mindymomo · 16/05/2024 07:24

I would transfer the same amount as my salary each month from the joint account into my current account and spend money from there.

RedHelenB · 16/05/2024 07:25

IHateGeckosGarage · 16/05/2024 05:58

From what you've said it doesn't sound like he's saying you can't spend it out use the money, so can't you transfer the money (or "allowance amount" out of your joint account to your personal account?
Not sure if it just the monzo ones, but I can transfer from our joint account and don't need partner to auth it or anything. Just need my pin.

This. Him giving you an allowance seems mire demeaning to me than just using the joint account. And surely maternity allowance is enough to cover your personal spends?

Original poster
KD1988UK · 16/05/2024 07:31

@RedHelenB maternity allowance does not cover my direct debits and it is this he has said I can use for my personal direct debits (which doesn't cover all of them) and he will top it up to cover the direct debits OR any remaining money from the maternity allowance will go into the joint...leaving me with nothing in my personal account

OP posts:
Original poster
KD1988UK · 16/05/2024 07:32

@Mindymomo this is what was previously agreed, that he would send to my personal what my salary was into my joint account so I would have some financial autonomy

OP posts:
Original poster
KD1988UK · 16/05/2024 07:33

@Wrongsideofpennines this is exactly how it is making me feel which isn't a nice feeling...I don't think it is intentional but it is making me feel like crap.

OP posts:
Original poster
KD1988UK · 16/05/2024 07:34

@Parker231 yes we both put in the same percentage of our salaries into the joint account.

OP posts:
mitogoshi · 16/05/2024 07:36

So he is putting money in the joint account? What's wrong with that? You have money. Many couples have joint bank accounts.

mitogoshi · 16/05/2024 07:40

I find using a joint account less weird than getting an allowance. Throughout my marriage we both put salaries into our joint account and didn't have separate accounts, no issues at all

Original poster
KD1988UK · 16/05/2024 07:41

@Sproutofthisworld this is exactly it! I am very frivolous anyway but I do not want to be in the position where my spending is monitored where his continues as it was before having a baby. It seems imbalanced on a joint decision we made, i.e to have a baby and for me to have 9 months off from a newish job.

OP posts:
PoppingTomorrow · 16/05/2024 08:11

So make sure your "direct debit" list includes a rewards credit card in your name, a standing order to savings a/c in your name and one to your pension.

Original poster
KD1988UK · 16/05/2024 08:15

@mitogoshi I think if both salaries went in then yes that would be totally fine, however, our salaries go into separate personal accounts and then a percentage of each goes into the joint account. But obviously my income is essentially going to zero apart from the maternity allowance which goes into my personal which does not fully cover my direct debits. I have suggested in the past our salaries going into the joint but he isn't keen. It does feel very separated

OP posts:
Neurodiversitydoctor · 16/05/2024 08:15

Mindymomo · 16/05/2024 07:24

I would transfer the same amount as my salary each month from the joint account into my current account and spend money from there.

This, MA is the the additional expenses from being on maternity leave ( nappies, coffees out etc). Sorry I didn't realise the baby was already here. This makes me v. concerned around potentially controlling behaviour. Time to get firm.

ladykale · 16/05/2024 08:31

renthead · 16/05/2024 06:44

Yes I agree it's the potential "monitoring" that is the sticking point; even if he barely glances at the account it may feel to her as if she can't spend freely. The way forward does seem to be transferring an amount from the joint account into her own account.

But money is tighter on a joint basis during mat leave - I think this is likely the desired effect

Mullercornerbliss · 16/05/2024 08:58

It might be my misunderstanding, but what is the difference between

Option A: him sending over money to you
Option B: you taking this money out of the joint account which he pays in to

I'm not trying to be argumentative, I am just not sure I fully understand and wonder if I have missed some nuances?

I hope you get it sorted out!

Mullercornerbliss · 16/05/2024 08:59

Orangello · 16/05/2024 06:27

Hm maybe you can try to think about it differently. You won't have an income due to looking after a joint child. He said to use the joint account, so use the joint account and stop feeling like you are using 'his' money, or need his permission to buy anything. When DH was a SAHD, I didn't give him an allowance, he simply used the joint account without asking permission for any purchases. Is that what your DP means, maybe you're overthinking it?

Yes this is how I interpreted it and I wondered if I had misunderstood!

Swipe left for the next trending thread