Sidelined on "family " holiday, feeling shit

[NeverDoneThisBefore989]

I need to vent. 24 weeks pregnant, with DH and his siblings and very elderly parents on holiday, in a mountain area. We live 6000 miles away and have flown home to visit family, one week with his, and one week with mine.

All DH and his siblings want to do is big hikes which are a bit too much for me. They're climbing a mountain today. They did a 20 hike yesterday. DH only did half of that yesterday and spent half the day with me. He hated every second and made it clear he resented it. I feel awful. His siblings are all ignoring that I'm pregnant (they're all child free so maybe they don't realize what it means). His parents are lovely but can barely.move and they just sit inside and do nothing.

I'm not even that immobile, I did two steep hikes, total of 8k yesterday so it's not like DH would be stuck inside!!!

I flew 6000 miles and instead of spending it with my own family or friends who actually want to be with me, I am stuck here. I cried all night. I have to plan itineraries I can do alone, how to get there alone, etc. DH's siblings won't even be pinned down do a lunch time so I can plan to meet them. They literally said to me "we'll text you where we end up when we're there so you can come to us".

DH had really bigged up this holiday, how we're going to do some lovely walks and has been talking about this stupid holiday for 6 months. I've never felt like such a spare.part in my life.

DH is realising he's being a jerk and is now thinking of bailing on the mountain climb. But he's clearly disappointed and is actually making me feel worse.

I just want to pack my bags and go to my mum's but it would really upset his very sweet elderly parents and I don't want to cause drama.

dh parents are not your problem. Leave that to him and the others.

You can make it undramatic though.

Drop it at dinner - “you lot are making me really envious. I wish I could do the hikes ! But seeing as I can’t I am going to see mum a little early. Might as well! Am off tomorrow at x time. Can’t wait for baby to be born and get right back into it.

DH - have a lovely guilt free time with your sibs. Fil - it was LOVELY to spend time with you etc.

Charm it out but GO.

You can have the fight later - point is to go and have fun times with your mum.

Of course he wants to do stuff with his siblings. Make sure you do exactly what you want during your week at home

What options have you considered, OP?

So go and stay at your parents if that's what you want to do. He can amuse himself at the hotel.

This.

Sounds like you like his Mum and Dad. Could you sit with the Mum and let the Dad spend time with his children? I acknowledge you aren't having the best time but your time is next week with your family. The fact that your husband wants to stay in a hotel rather than with your parents speaks volumes. Your husband is having a good time with his siblings which does happen very often, challenging himself physically rather than more gentle walks and lunches. It's a shame he is feeling torn between siblings and you. Not sure why his siblings should change what they are doing. I think you are being a bit of a princess which is going against what everyone else thinks but hey ho. I hope you have a great time with your family next week.

I cannot believe even leaving aside the pregnant woman that 4 adult siblings have taken their elderly parents on holiday and are fucking off on hikes every day. OP I hope you read H the riot act about his selfishness to both you and them. It's awful.

this really doesn’t bode well op

Unfortunately, while he did end up doing it, he resented every second, barely spoke to me, walked 10 feet behind me and made me feel really uncomfortable the whole time.

plan for being a single parent

was this completely out of character for him? i suspect.. not

and why didn’t you ”insist” that you’ll be staying with your parents?

That sounds perfectly reasonable.

Another one here for buggering off to see my parents and leaving them to it.
I'd most certainly do that.
What an awful way to treat their elderly parents, so disrespectful and selfish.

Yeah, fuck him. You make sure you INSIST you stay with your parents, he can stay in a hotel if he wants to be so rude and ignorant. I'd be rethinking my relationship if I was you.
I lived with someone like this for 8 years and it was like this all of the time until I got sick of it and left.

I’d just let him get on with it and go and stay with your family.

Take his parents for a nice lunch, or organise a nice lunch at home if his mother isn’t able to get out, thank them for their hospitality but let them know you’re not feeling great, and rather than wait around for your husband and siblings to come back each day you’re going to go to your mother’s early. Tell your partner you want to be somewhere where your feelings will be prioritised and spend some time staying with your mum, because his controlling behaviour meant you wouldn’t have been staying together next week. Now is the perfect time to show your partner he has to grow up, be less selfish and think about his unborn child and the women carrying them. Don’t worry about the drama. You need to set boundaries now if you want this relationship to be a healthy one.

What a horrible bunch and they wondered why their Dad got upset. They drag him and his wife who he is carer for to a holiday for his birthday, where he has to continue being a carer and not in the familiar surroundings, that make his job easier. Then all bugger off for fun leaving him to cope alone.
No wonder you've had enough of them too.

I think this is hormones speaking

They have gone on a mountain hoildya to enjoy the mountains. They enjoy hikes and climbing. Are you suggesting they should all not do what they enjoy because you are pregnant? They haven't left you alone. You are with the parents. Go out for a gentle walk and coffee with them?
Of course, they can't be pinned down to a time to meet you for lunch. They don't know how long it will take?

I also dont think your dh is being unreasonable. He should be able to enjoy some time with his family. Hes already making compromises Only doing some of them and not the whole day

Why dont you plan things you want to do when they are hiking ans all get together in the eveninv

Yes agree with this, at first I was going to say you sound a bit needy and that he should be able to spend some time with his siblings who he doesn't see often. But with the extra information i think your DH is being unreasonable, one day on a big all day hike sure but every day when you can't go and his dad is getting annoyed too is unreasonable.
Talk to him about how you feel and if nothing changes pack yourself off to your family and he can follow you.
Also not wanting to stay at your parent's place is a bit strange....

I have to say I agree with this. I spent a week in the French Alps at 28 weeks whilst DH ski guided every day, I was happy enough reading, swimming having lunches ( met them sometimes) and naps. Enjoy this opportunity to take it easy before the baby arrives.

Is there space for you to stay with your parents as you’d like to do? Dh can fucking well stay on his own, he’s not 24 weeks pregnant , he’s not being asked to care for your parents, he can stay in the villa on his own while you stay with family. That’s what he did with his siblings basically. That way he doesn’t have to have dinner with your mum, although that would be the only option I’d offer for him to see me if I were you.
and if you get over it, no more holidays with his siblings unless you are 10,000% confident seeing them won’t make him an asshole like they are.

Completely agree with this post.

I think you sound needy and should be able to cope fine with a week of doing your own thing. What would you have done if your DH had suggested you didn’t come along and stayed home whilst he spent time with his family? Surely being away and having time to have a walk and relax, is still a lovely holiday. You might have to stay home in future when you have a young child and he rightly wants to spend time with his family (as you can then do whilst he minds your child for a week).

Your DH is making the most of his time somewhere new and enjoying hiking with siblings he doesn’t see often. Why can’t you enjoy being somewhere new? I can’t believe anyone could feel so annoyed at that after only a few days.

Next week is your turn to do what you want with your family. If you don’t want to stay in a hotel, then don’t but don’t be annoyed with your DH for being decisive this week if you’ve decided to go along with his plans for next week.

I don’t think you’ve read the full posts, this man won’t stay with her parents as he’d have to spend time with them and has insisted they have their own villa for the week with her parents. While he’s dumped his wife on his parents and he isn’t even there’s he’s fucked off. When he does deign to spend time with her he is visibly pissed off and can’t even walk beside her. That doesn’t even address the part where it’s his dads birthday and the whole bunch of selfish assholes can’t even meet him for lunch, much less give him a break from being their mums carer.

I don’t get the last sentence. Does it really read it’s completely fair for your dh to get to dictate all plans, with his family and yours?