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Original poster

Will my unborn child be taken off me.

53 replies

JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 22:55

Hello,

Am wondering if I could have some advise please on my current situation..

I have a 13 year old boy who currently lives with one of my family members due to him been taken off me when I was 17 due to me been in a domestic violence relationship, I was very young and nieve and I didn’t see at the time that I was putting my child in danger by staying with his dad from countless domestic violence calls. The social services decided to take my child off me and me see my child with supervised contact.. after a while the contact stopped as my family member didn’t won’t to do the contact anymore as I didn’t get on with my dad. The one who was doing the contact. After a while I went through a contact centre but I got into some financial difficulty and couldn’t afford to pay the 100 pound a month I know that sounds awful but I was really struggling at the time..

a couple of years had passed and I see my son at family gatherings and I also speak to him everyday, my son has been through so much I wouldn’t won’t to put him in a position for him to see me in a contact centre, I have tired speaking to my dad to arrange contact out of the centre but he’s having none of it.. I went back to see a solicitor to get my son back in my care however it was going to cost me over 3,000 and I just didn’t have the money at the time and I know my son is happy where he is and settled.

12 years down the line I am now 30 years old I speak to my son daily but do not have contact. I have been split up with his father who the domestic violence was with for over 7 years.. I have now sorted my life out I work in a law firm, go to university, have a lovely home and a loving partner I have been with for over 4 years.. I have fallen pregnant and I am currently 9 weeks I have phoned the doctor to make a midwife appointment but I am really scared on what the outcome will be.. I have never done drugs or been in trouble with the police. My partner had an issue 3 years ago for a domestic violence but he was found not guilty. He also had some issues before Christmas where he suffered abit of depression and seeked medical advise they gave him some tablets and they just wasn’t working for him. We moved house and he found another job (the reason he got so down due to him loosing a job he loved) he now has no problems and he is happy with life I have read that I will probably have to do a pre birth assessment but I am really scared if my unborn child will be taken away from me. Am happy to do what ever it takes any assessment for this not to happen I am a completely different person I was to what I am now.

Could anyone please give me some advise on what may happen and if they think I will be able to keep my unborn child. I am so scared at the moment and I constantly worry.

OP posts:
Laezel · 27/04/2024 22:58

I wouldn't have thought so.

I know a young girl who had her son removed and had a baby a year later, still in a similar position and was allowed to keep the baby.

Social services may do an assessment but from what you've said they'll have no reason to remove this baby.

GreenTrees00 · 27/04/2024 23:00

A loving partner I have been with for over 4 years.

Also...

My partner had an issue 3 years ago for a domestic violence but he was found not guilty.

OP What happened here as it reads you are in a relationship with a partner who was charged with DV? Being found not guilty is not the same as being innocent. it will make a difference.

AgathaMystery · 27/04/2024 23:01

I’ve rewritten my post because I didn’t realise it was to your current partner that has been charged with DV.

GrazingSheep · 27/04/2024 23:01

My partner had an issue 3 years ago for a domestic violence but he was found not guilty.

Did he assault you?

TeaKitten · 27/04/2024 23:05

So a year into your relationship he assaulted you? But you haven’t reported him since…

I think it’s very unlikely your child would be removed if you are telling the truth or willing to leave your partner to keep your baby. If you are putting your relationship before the baby then you will likely loose them.

Original poster
JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 23:07

No my partner did not assult me, he had an argument with a neighbour where she got in his face scratched at threw him to the floor he got up and she got in his face again so he pushed her away. He rang the police on what happened and because she had a mark on her and he did also they arrested him questioned him and he went to court. The women and her witness did not turn up to court twice and the third tome the police brought her to court. She had said he battered her when he didn’t he just pushed her so he could get her out of his face. The courts could see from the even dance that he did not batter this women and he was found not guilty.

my partner has never laid a finger on me he is a good man and we have a very healthy relationship.

OP posts:
MaybeBabyTwo · 27/04/2024 23:07

They will do a pre birth assessment. Engage with them and be open and willing to consider anything they have to suggest. I'd be prepared to be told some not so nice things about your 'loving' partner who abused a previous partner (Jane Monkton Smith's book 'in control' would already have you at stage 2 or 3 on her timeline).

That said, social services do not steal babies or any of the awful stuff that is posted by mums feeling guilt about losing their children to the care system. They want to keep you and baby together. Welcome them in to show them how safe and stable your life is and they will support you to make sure your baby is kept with you, safe and happy.

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 27/04/2024 23:09

a loving partner I have been with for over 4 years.. My partner had an issue 3 years ago for a domestic violence but he was found not guilty.
Is this you trying to out distance between yourself and the domestic violence? Did he abuse you, since you were in a relationship? Did he have someone on the side who he abused? Or did he face charges for abusing someone else that only went to court three years ago?

is he a loving partner or did he abuse you?

Starlightstarbright3 · 27/04/2024 23:09

Who was the Dv incident against ?

You will be referred to Ss who will decide how to proceed .

The issue is can you safeguard your dc.

I would be doing a Clare’s law search on current partner .You may need to chose between partner and child . Your baby is vulnerable and whilst you were young , we often repeat patterns of behaviour.

You need to follow Ss advice to the letter

Original poster
JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 23:11

Just to be clear my partner did not abuse me and he has never abused me.. he has an issue 3 years ago with a neighbour the domestic violence where my son got taken from me is from my previous relationship not this partner.

OP posts:
TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 27/04/2024 23:11

JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 23:07

No my partner did not assult me, he had an argument with a neighbour where she got in his face scratched at threw him to the floor he got up and she got in his face again so he pushed her away. He rang the police on what happened and because she had a mark on her and he did also they arrested him questioned him and he went to court. The women and her witness did not turn up to court twice and the third tome the police brought her to court. She had said he battered her when he didn’t he just pushed her so he could get her out of his face. The courts could see from the even dance that he did not batter this women and he was found not guilty.

my partner has never laid a finger on me he is a good man and we have a very healthy relationship.

Edited

His female neighbour threw this grown man to the floor? Really?

Did you witness this?

Why on earth were they arguing?

Original poster
JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 23:14

Yes I did witness it, but I didn’t get involved from my current situation with my son. He let her hit him because he doesn’t hit women she then pushed him and he lost his balance and fell to the floor. He’s only a small dainty lad and she was quiet a big women. They was arguing over something silly as his sister let him live in the house. Its was all caught on CCTV.

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 27/04/2024 23:14

JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 23:11

Just to be clear my partner did not abuse me and he has never abused me.. he has an issue 3 years ago with a neighbour the domestic violence where my son got taken from me is from my previous relationship not this partner.

Domestic violence is between partners, so you’ve confused the thread.

Original poster
JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 23:15

Am sorry if Iv confused people please see my comments I would just like some advise

OP posts:
GreenTrees00 · 27/04/2024 23:18

They was arguing over something silly as his sister let him live in the house. Its was all caught on CCTV.

What in earth does this mean? I can't make it make sense if he's your partner, what is his relationship with the neighbour?

wp65 · 27/04/2024 23:18

Hi OP, I think social services will do an assessment but I very much doubt they'd find any reason to take your baby away. There's no reason that the child would be in danger now and social services prefer to keep the baby with its mother whenever they can.

Original poster
JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 23:20

my partner has never done any abuse to me can I just make that 100% clear.

He was arrested for assault on a women who was his neighbour not me. He was found not guilty as she was saying he battered her but he didn’t they was CCTV to prove this. He pushed her to remove her out of his face. He would never hit a women but when a women is in your face and doesn’t move and when he tried walking away she’s grabbing his tshirt and scratching all his face he just wonted her to get off him.

he has never ever hit me! He is loving caring man.

OP posts:
Viewfrommyhouse · 27/04/2024 23:20

No one can tell you until you engage with them. If they do have an issue with your partner's previous, you need to work with them.

I'd be more concerned about how this will affect your son tbh.

Original poster
JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 23:21

Of course am concerned on how it will affect my son but I will be making sure my son gets to see his brother or sister. I am not a bad person I just made mistakes when I was younger

OP posts:
Wasywasydoodah · 27/04/2024 23:22

If what you say is true then you won’t lose your baby. I think you should do a Claire’s law request to police (shows SS you take dv seriously and can be safe), engage with assessment that is recommended. Show SS that you know you made mistakes in the past. Explain why things are different now. Be honest with the midwife about your history (it looks far worse if they find out later and you hadn’t disclosed this). Do the freedom programme (you can do it online) and be prepared to tell the social
worker what you know about dv. Good luck!

sprigatito · 27/04/2024 23:22

I know it isn't what you want to hear, but I think your current partner having been arrested for a violent altercation IS going to be a problem, particularly given your history and the fact that social services are already going to be flagging you as a risk due to your history and not having custody of your older child. I hear what you are saying about it being a completely different scenario with your neighbour, but I don't think that's how it will be viewed. I would consider ending the relationship and planning to raise the new baby on your own.

Angeldelight50 · 27/04/2024 23:26

If the altercation with the neighbour is flagged as a concern, presumably OP would have the opportunity to leave her partner and raise the baby alone.

Are you prepared to do this?

TheShellBeach · 27/04/2024 23:27

Have you done a Clare's Law on your boyfriend?
If he assaulted a female neighbour, he might have assaulted other women.

In any case, nobody on here can say whether or not your baby will be removed from you. We don't know your boyfriend's criminal history.

Wasywasydoodah · 27/04/2024 23:27

sprigatito · 27/04/2024 23:22

I know it isn't what you want to hear, but I think your current partner having been arrested for a violent altercation IS going to be a problem, particularly given your history and the fact that social services are already going to be flagging you as a risk due to your history and not having custody of your older child. I hear what you are saying about it being a completely different scenario with your neighbour, but I don't think that's how it will be viewed. I would consider ending the relationship and planning to raise the new baby on your own.

I don’t agree. He doesn’t have a conviction. If he has a string of many previous incidents or other high risk behaviour/drug or alcohol misuse/serious mental health difficulties then that might be different . But social services really don‘t get involved with every child whose dad was alleged to have done something like that. It wasn’t a domestic incident. He wasn’t convicted. If it’s a one-off then you’re fine.

Original poster
JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 23:29

Yes I have done a Clare’s law on my partner and he has no other criminal history.. a short while after this happened social services put his brother in his care for a short period while issues was been sorted at home. He surely isn’t classed as a risk of social services have done checks on him in the past and he was aloud care of his brother until problems was sorted out at home

OP posts:
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