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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Will my unborn child be taken off me.

53 replies

JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 22:55

Hello,

Am wondering if I could have some advise please on my current situation..

I have a 13 year old boy who currently lives with one of my family members due to him been taken off me when I was 17 due to me been in a domestic violence relationship, I was very young and nieve and I didn’t see at the time that I was putting my child in danger by staying with his dad from countless domestic violence calls. The social services decided to take my child off me and me see my child with supervised contact.. after a while the contact stopped as my family member didn’t won’t to do the contact anymore as I didn’t get on with my dad. The one who was doing the contact. After a while I went through a contact centre but I got into some financial difficulty and couldn’t afford to pay the 100 pound a month I know that sounds awful but I was really struggling at the time..

a couple of years had passed and I see my son at family gatherings and I also speak to him everyday, my son has been through so much I wouldn’t won’t to put him in a position for him to see me in a contact centre, I have tired speaking to my dad to arrange contact out of the centre but he’s having none of it.. I went back to see a solicitor to get my son back in my care however it was going to cost me over 3,000 and I just didn’t have the money at the time and I know my son is happy where he is and settled.

12 years down the line I am now 30 years old I speak to my son daily but do not have contact. I have been split up with his father who the domestic violence was with for over 7 years.. I have now sorted my life out I work in a law firm, go to university, have a lovely home and a loving partner I have been with for over 4 years.. I have fallen pregnant and I am currently 9 weeks I have phoned the doctor to make a midwife appointment but I am really scared on what the outcome will be.. I have never done drugs or been in trouble with the police. My partner had an issue 3 years ago for a domestic violence but he was found not guilty. He also had some issues before Christmas where he suffered abit of depression and seeked medical advise they gave him some tablets and they just wasn’t working for him. We moved house and he found another job (the reason he got so down due to him loosing a job he loved) he now has no problems and he is happy with life I have read that I will probably have to do a pre birth assessment but I am really scared if my unborn child will be taken away from me. Am happy to do what ever it takes any assessment for this not to happen I am a completely different person I was to what I am now.

Could anyone please give me some advise on what may happen and if they think I will be able to keep my unborn child. I am so scared at the moment and I constantly worry.

OP posts:

Tygertiger · 27/04/2024 23:34

They only remove babies at birth who:

a) are at serious risk of harm or their wellbeing compromised if they remain with their mother
and b) nothing can be done to remedy a).

That is it. They don’t automatically remove children just because previous babies have been taken, each individual case must be judged individually.

Based on your post nobody here can tell you. It might be that your current partner does pose a risk to your baby and you are not able to assess this risk yourself and need support. It might not be that and all
might be well. In your circumstances the best thing to do is be open and honest. Tell your midwife about your past and your worries. Children’s social care may do a pre-birth assessment and they can put unborn babies on a child in need or child protection plan if they have concerns. Any concerns about your partner will be shared with you and if they advise you need to leave him you will be told this. But the best thing is always to cooperate and be honest.

Nobody wants to remove babies from their mothers. If you can demonstrate that you can keep baby safe they will not remove him/her. Good luck OP.

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 27/04/2024 23:35

They was arguing over something silly as his sister let him live in the house
what does this mean?

Skillest · 27/04/2024 23:35

I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who was the sort who would get into any kind of altercation.

Are you settling?

Original poster

JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 23:39

I am settled and I am very happy in my relationship. He is a great boyfriend, he works, he studies, he has a lot going for him. I understand what some of you are saying about the assult i really do but I don’t think social services would of let him have care of his brother after investigating the assult?

obv course if I had to leave him to protect my baby I would do yes but honestly the assult has already been looked into by the social services previously and he had care of his brother so surely this would not raise a concern for our unborn baby. He was found not guilty at court for the allegations he has no other previous convictions

OP posts:

LineMadeByWalking · 27/04/2024 23:43

OP, honestly, I do find it concerning that you went from a domestic abuse relationship that lost you the care of your son to a relationship with a man who was taken to court for getting into a fight with a woman, even if ultimately not found guilty of assault, and whose own family background has involved social services involvement. You say your now partner is a good man, but normal people don’t get into a physical altercation with a neighbour over ‘something silly’.

FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 27/04/2024 23:49

I don't understand, if there was CCTV and you're saying it would show him as "only" pushing someone else after being assaulted himself, how did it ever make it as far as court?

To be charged and summoned to court the CPS must have thought they had enough evidence to convict him.

HeddaGarbled · 27/04/2024 23:50

My partner had an issue 3 years ago for a domestic violence but he was found not guilty

Yeah, they usually are until they kill their partners (and not always then).

Last time, your child was taken away from you because you stayed with the dangerous man. This time, if it comes to that choice again, you’ll know what you have to do.

Original poster

JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 23:52

It is really hard to explain over message without it coming across differently, but I was there and I saw it for my own eyes. we will both speak to social services about it and be open and honest..

The case has been investigated in the past with social services and he’s already explained to them about the situation they did there checks and he was fine to have his younger brother. I do understand what people are saying but this guy is not a violent man he’s ex army. He would do anything to help anyone out he’s not a women beater and never has been. He pushed her away and that’s it because she was in his face pulling him about.

OP posts:

Original poster

JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 23:55

Thank you for your comments am going to end the thread now as I think it’s coming across in the wrong way.

we will be open and honest with social services about the situation and let them do there investigations if I get ask to leave my partner for the unborn baby of course I would do.

OP posts:

LineMadeByWalking · 27/04/2024 23:56

JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 23:52

It is really hard to explain over message without it coming across differently, but I was there and I saw it for my own eyes. we will both speak to social services about it and be open and honest..

I don’t think ex-army and ‘not violent’ necessarily correlate. And honestly, who ends up in a physical altercation with a neighbour about something ‘silly’?

HollyKnight · 27/04/2024 23:59

@JadeQuail the confusion is because you used "domestic violence" to describe the incident between your partner and the neighbour. Domestic violence is violence, aggression or abuse within a relationship. That is why people think he abused you.

Original poster

JadeQuail · 28/04/2024 00:02

Yes I do see where you are coming from with how I wrote the post but it isn’t letting me edit

OP posts:

HollyKnight · 28/04/2024 00:06

You only get a few minutes to edit your posts. Maybe ask MN if they would change that to say "assault" because the misunderstanding is derailing the thread.

Original poster

JadeQuail · 28/04/2024 00:08

I am going too and I’ll repost later on thank you

OP posts:

BeigeHorse · 28/04/2024 01:51

I can't see a reason to take your baby. Hopefully it'll be fine.

I hope they teach you spelling and grammar at university. Your posts aren't making sense in places due to your lack of it.

BeigeHorse · 28/04/2024 01:55

LineMadeByWalking · 27/04/2024 23:56

I don’t think ex-army and ‘not violent’ necessarily correlate. And honestly, who ends up in a physical altercation with a neighbour about something ‘silly’?

Show quote history

I've known plenty of arsehole women who could start a fight with the mirror! It's impossible not to get in an argument with these sorts when they're on one. You either do exactly what they want, no matter how unreasonable and then apologize for existing, or else they'll be attacking you.

CJsGoldfish · 28/04/2024 01:59

No, they won't take your baby if you are being completely honest here. And I really hope you are

The fact that you chose your relationship over your first child and then never fought to have him back with you is the most concerning of all this. Yes, you have excuses but you pretty much let your son go and he knows it. Now he gets to watch you have one you keep.
You say that "of course.." you'd put your baby first if you had to but you didn't before and I cannot imagine the damage knowing that may have caused your son 😢

I hope this works out as it should for all concerned OP, I really do.

Eggplant44 · 28/04/2024 02:44

JadeQuail · 27/04/2024 23:21

Of course am concerned on how it will affect my son but I will be making sure my son gets to see his brother or sister. I am not a bad person I just made mistakes when I was younger

You might want worry more about whether your existing son wants to have anything to do with his potential sibling.

pinklepea · 28/04/2024 03:12

@Eggplant44 he's not her son. She's made every justification to get him out of her life. £3000 was over the value of having him as a son! Being in a good place now is basically starting again with a new kid. Not spending the last few years fighting for the one you have

WePanickedAtTheDisco · 28/04/2024 07:12

I call bs on some of this. Also, you work in a law firm and are a student? If this is the case, please brush up on your English grammar skills. Your comments make painful reading.

Wasywasydoodah · 28/04/2024 07:55

I think you’ve been given a hard time on this thread. People make mistakes. Doesn’t make them bad people (ie current boyfriend). Good luck, OP

BusterGonad · 28/04/2024 08:59

WePanickedAtTheDisco · 28/04/2024 07:12

I call bs on some of this. Also, you work in a law firm and are a student? If this is the case, please brush up on your English grammar skills. Your comments make painful reading.

I was thinking the same thing regarding the grammer.

SantasRubiksCube · 28/04/2024 09:24

To be honest, you should be more worried about how all this is going to affect your son. He's been through alot and now that you're in a better position, rather then trying to get him back with you, you're happy to just leave him where he is and just start over again with a new baby. I imagine he will see this as a whole new rejection and may not want anything to do with you or the baby.

TheShellBeach · 28/04/2024 12:43

Now that you're settled, why don't you get your son back?

Honestly, that's the saddest thing about this thread.

And OP - "ex-army" does not equate to "not violent".

1AngelicFruitCake · 28/04/2024 12:49

This reads to me like you both are fine whilst everything is going well. I’d be concerned your partner might struggle again like he did at Christmas and you’ll stay with him. sorry if that sounds harsh x

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