Hen party pregnant drama

[Eirym9]

AIBU?

A school friend that I have hugely drifted from is having her hen do very soon. I was asked to be a bridesmaid for her abroad wedding 2 weeks after my due date so I had to politely decline the invite.
I have made every effort to be at her hen party at 30 weeks pregnant, paying over £300 for the weekend.
I have messaged the other bridesmaids and hen to say that I will be there the Friday/Saturday but will head home when they all go on the night out Saturday as I can’t think of anything worse than being in bars/clubs. I’ve had a really rocky pregnancy with anemia, gest. diabetes and thought the effort would be appreciated but I’ve effectively been told to not attend by the bride. Almost making out that I’m lying because I haven’t spoken to her about how rough the pregnancy has been - but she’s never asked how we are?

Was my request massively unreasonable?

[Mmmmpavlova]

She sounds like really hard work. Do you really want to go? I think let this one drift... you tried.

[KickHimInTheCrotch]

No, not unreasonable at all. Of all the hen parties I've been to there's often been someone who couldn't stay the whole time because of pregnancy, kids or other commitments. There's never been any hard feelings and everyone just happy they could make part of it. I missed half a hen party once because my DP broke his leg - everyone was just really lovely about it. Sorry your friend is being an arsehole about it.

[Eirym9]

I think the fact I’m the only attendee with a child already probably doesn’t help anyone sympathise with me. It’s a lot of money to lose but I can’t bring myself to go when I’m evidently not wanted!

[Lulu1919]

That's rubbish
You poor thing
I'd stay away ...although I'd be upset about the waste of a large amount of money.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

I went to a hen do at 34w pregnant. Luckily, there was no ‘clubbing’ enforcement but I did spend a huge amount of money to sit in a spa unable to do anything - didn’t want to pay a fortune for a ‘pregnancy-safe’ treatment I wouldn’t enjoy and didn’t want. I also had anaemia, GD, pain every time I moved…

The difference was that it was a hen for one of my best friends and everyone was understanding that I was limited to what I could do. Doesn’t sound like you have a very good friend to be honest.

[IkeaMeatballGravy]

Have you made your own hotel room booking? If it's in a place you would like to visit go anyway and do your own thing.

[PoppingTomorrow]

will head home when they all go on the night out Saturday as I can’t think of anything worse than being in bars/clubs.

Just checking - you didn't actually say this, did you?

[coffeewithmilk]

She sounds like a bitch

I'd just not go at all, I'm guessing she is younger in age and lacks common sense that a 30 week pregnant woman would want to be in a nightclub

[3luckystars]

I’d be absolutely delighted with this outcome and would gladly pay €300 not to go to this shite.

Don’t argue and block all the contacts on your phone until the weekend has passed.

Enjoy the weekend!!

[Eirym9]

@PoppingTomorrow

will head home when they all go on the night out Saturday as I can’t think of anything worse than being in bars/clubs.

Just checking - you didn't actually say this, did you?

Haha no, I did word it more tactfully! I just said that being high risk it’s just not the environment I think I should be in.

[ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst]

How awful for you. Can you recoup any money back?

[Beautiful3]

Did you already pay? I'd be inclined to not go now.

[RainStreakedWindows]

I wouldn't worry about the money. I mean it's annoying obviously but it's spent now and you'll spend less not going.

I'd pull back further from the friendship if she's giving you attitude about not going out 30 weeks into a high risk pregnancy. You never know, she might be pregnant one day and get where you were coming from.

[SevenSeasOfRhye]

Your mistake here, ironically, was being honest and upfront. If you'd just left quietly before the night out, saying at the time you felt too tired, they probably wouldn't have cared.

Any money you can't recoup is a sunk cost - you lose nothing by not going to something you won't enjoy, you have spent £300 whatever you do - and you will save the cost of the inevitable extras during the event itself.

[Teaalwayshelps]

I’ve effectively been told to not attend by the bride

What did she say exactly?
Your request was in no way unreasonable.

[cstaff]

I hope after that conversation that they will be returning any money you have paid up. You should just text her asking for your £100 (or whatever) to be returned as you don't appear to want me there or even better if there is a group text going on - just put it on that.

[Kiwi23]

I don’t think you have been unreasonable at all I think the fact you was willing to go shows you wanted to be there and if she is making you feel uncomfortable I would say I’m not going to go and see if you can get any of your money back

unfortunately when we have kids some friends very fast take a step back and become no longer a part of our life’s

you do what’s best for you

[User79853257976]

@PoppingTomorrow

will head home when they all go on the night out Saturday as I can’t think of anything worse than being in bars/clubs.

Just checking - you didn't actually say this, did you?

Even if she did, it’s honest and understandable.

[Eirym9]

So I did get a reply after 24 hours to say that I hadn’t informed her of how tough the pregnancy has been before this (she’d never asked either) and that telling me to just stay at home comes from a place of care…

I have replied to say I hope she has more sympathetic and understanding friends if she is ever pregnant one day.

The money is gone unfortunately but I suppose it’s a life lesson!

[3luckystars]

Brilliant and well worth £300 to be free.

[WithACatLikeTread]

I would be asking for my money back promptly!

[viques]

I would be tempted to go, eat chicken masala and vomit over the bride. Make sure someone is filming it though!

[NewbieParentMango]

@Eirym9

So I did get a reply after 24 hours to say that I hadn’t informed her of how tough the pregnancy has been before this (she’d never asked either) and that telling me to just stay at home comes from a place of care…

I have replied to say I hope she has more sympathetic and understanding friends if she is ever pregnant one day.

The money is gone unfortunately but I suppose it’s a life lesson!

Hmm was she meaning you can stay at home if you're having a rough time and she hasn't realised?

was it over text because tone could be misinterpreted.

[Upinthenightagain]

Did the £300 quid make it cheaper for everyone else? I known people invite loads on a hen to reduce the overall costs

[wizzywig]

Will you be going to the wedding?