Before I start, I am 31 weeks pregnant with our first baby and have had plenty of appointments before the one I had yesterday. So i am pretty aware of the process, however this experience had caused me so much anxiety and upset and I just need some advice 🥺
I came for our 31 weeks midwife appointment 2:30pm. The kind reception lady checked us in and told me to do a urine sample which i did as soon as we got in but was struggling so i waited about 10 mins total and managed to get a sample. During this time, my husband who was outside in the busy waiting area with many other pregnant ladies said a woman called for me and when he said i was in the toilet he saw her short fused and rolled her eyes. I was in there for 10 mins max, the same woman who I found out is the one to take my Blood pressure, CO2 and check urine sample. when I came out the toilet to see her there is no hello and complete coldness but the first thing she says was “where have you been i have been looking for you.. (my husband already told her i was in the toilet) there is a strict appointment time and you have been wasting time, more 15 minutes in the toilet” at this point my husband walks in because she is talking very loud that everyone sitting outside can hear.. and he had a feeling and knew from earlier when she asked where I was and she rolled her eyes at him that she would say something to me, so he spoke up because he could here her blaming me for doing a urine sample that they asked for? My husband clearly sees i’m upset and this woman who was completely rude a second ago uses a quiet voice and tells him he is now the one wasting time when infact she was rude to begin with. You would think being in the antenatal appointments ward, you would be kind and welcoming to women whoever comes through the door set a good mood when dealing with highly emotional and heavily pregnant women.. I guess not for her. She tells him to sit in the open waiting area. After taking my BP which was obviously high because she had upset me beforehand she asks me “do you notice your BP high at home, even during the weekend?” trying to deflect and gaslight me that there could be other reasons other than HER upsetting me a few minutes before for the high BP reading!!. Now i am not a confrontational person and i just wanted her to hurry up so I kept quiet (i wish i had said something but i was trying my hardest not to cry) so i wouldn’t have to speak to her again after this, but she kept on talking to me like a child. I have always had normal a BP at all my appointments. She then does the CO2 machine which i have done at least 4 times before during my appointments and again speaks to me like i don’t know what it is and that i should keep blowing harder for next time.. the reading comes back normal. I have done the same as what other assistants told me before and no complaints. She is still very cold and blunt and I’m progressively trying not to cry at this point. At the end after checking my urine which turns out had a small trace of protein and would need to be sent for more testing (again blaming me and telling me i should drink more water) I burst out crying and instead of acknowledging she is the reason for upsetting me she says “why are you crying? Is this your first baby?” I said yes in which she replies “no wonder you are highly emotional, it is your first baby” holding no accountability and making me feel silly for crying as a response to her lack of care. I then stand up and she’s leading the way to our midwife through the waiting area with mums seeing i am upset with tears now falling from my eyes (i feel very embarrassed at this point) and my husband is now even more angry, the head of the staff sees what is going on and the woman now had changed her tone and pretends she has done nothing wrong infront of her “i have done nothing wrong, she is late for her appointment so i was just telling her” acting as if my husband is the one in the wrong for pulling up on her bad attitude. If he wasn’t there then it would be her word against mine and she would have twisted it like it was my fault that i am in tears and upset for no reason. The head of staff apologises and says it is not her duty to tell pregnant women they are late or to made feel it is any blame to be in the toilet when we have asked for a urine sample. She even said people are humans, women can be late, they can take time in the toilet but we at least speak to them and ask how they are because people go through things everyday. We felt better after that however, both her and my Midwife who are repeatedly apologising on her behalf has mentioned to take it up to PALS if we wanted to.. my question is should we? I have never complained or had a bad experience with NHS like this before and i don’t know if this is just a waste of time, i am also now anxious for my 34 weeks midwife appointment in which she will be the one to take my BP etc. again. We had a wonderful midwife appointment as usual, where we heard baby’s heartbeat again and measuring well within the graph and I will say other staff like the ladies where I dropped off urine samples were lovely and continued to apologise on behalf of her and suggested that she was just having a long bad day and must have just taken her frustration out on me. It is just a shame just one person ruined my morning and even when we left she could not come up to us and apologise herself.
I hear stories all the time of women (myself as a ethnic woman) being mistreated but i did not think I would ever have a bad experience and let alone by another ethnic woman who is much older than me.
Please any advice would help. Thankyou! ☺️