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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Did you wait three months to tell?

75 replies

bcsnowpea · 28/03/2008 03:02

DH and I are trying to conceive child #2 and I've just had a BFP!!! (though haven't yet been to a doc to confirm).

DS1 was totally unplanned, and when he was conceived we had to tell everyone straight away as we decided to live in a whole different country.

This time around, we have a bit more flexibility, and I'd like to keep it to myself for a little while.

Who told and who held off for three months? What were your experiences? Which did you prefer, if you've done both?

OP posts:

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LittleMissTickles · 28/03/2008 03:23

We told only the close family and friends who we would want to know (and support/understand) if we experienced miscarriage.

Original poster

bcsnowpea · 28/03/2008 03:32

that sounds like a good idea

OP posts:

MissChief · 28/03/2008 05:22

congratulations! Yes, agree with other poster, only really close people til 13 week scan, from memory. It'd not such a long time after the inital few dsays when we were DYING to tell people, became easier as we got used to keeping quiet. Loads had already guessed anywsy as it turned out but chose to be tactful and pretend not to have until we confessed all. Good luck!

ChutneyMary · 28/03/2008 06:04

I'm afraid I am a big mouth and told everyone about DD2 within days. I figured that if things went wrong, I'd need the support and if things went right, I'd need sympathy as I struggle badly with morning sickness. I told people as I saw them IYSWIM - I didnt ring people to let them know so some people didn't find out til I saw them much later, but I didn't hold back.

I wanted to wait to tell work til 13 weeks but went off sick with hyperemesis at 7 weeks so that rather buggered that one up! All fine now though (except she's been awake since 5!)

Congratulations on your great news

MrsTittleMouse · 28/03/2008 12:32

We have only told our parents. The trouble with telling a select few is that once you tell more than a very very few, it is difficult to keep control of the secret. We didn't tell until 14 weeks for DD1 (which is when we had all the test results back and everything was low risk). We'll do the same with this PG, but it's much harder as I am getting much bigger, much faster. I hope that people aren't guessing, but to be honest, as long as they don't ask us, I don't mind.

DforDiva · 28/03/2008 12:35

If its ideal world,i would wait 3 months. But dh told everyone from milkman to postman, passing bird that i was pregnant as soon as we found out. It made me feel like being PG for years. Congratulations!!!!

PortAndLemon · 28/03/2008 12:40

I held off completely until three months. I don't particularly want support if things go wrong (have had two miscarriages and felt far more comfortable with its just being me and DH handling it ourselves) and I like having just us knowing about it for as long as possible.

SilverSixpence · 28/03/2008 12:43

we decided not to tell anyone until after 13 weeks, but in the end told parents at 9 weeks because there was a family holiday abroad planned and we didnt want to risk it, and didn't have any reasonable excuse! two of my sister-in-laws miscarried soon after telling everyone which made me very cautious. everyone else found out after 13 week scan.

MrsBadger · 28/03/2008 12:54

we held off till the 12wk scan

I held off telling work till 20wks - no-one had spotted it even then but I couldn't bear them thinking I was just fat...

AHLH · 28/03/2008 13:09

I told my sister at 6 weeks because I was going skiing with her, so it was a bit of a "need to know" in case i had a big crash (I didn't). I told my mum because I told my sister (dad's dead). DH told his parent because I'd told mum. Was taken into hospital with hyperemisis at 9 weeks, so I had to tell work really. Was there for several weeks, so just as well Mum knew.

Told everyone else at 13 weeks. Was very impressed that Mum and sister hadn't told my brothers!

15 weeks now, out of hospital, all seems OK.

hanaflower · 28/03/2008 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tinierclanger · 28/03/2008 13:36

It all depends on how you feel, but I would warn that it was very upsetting for me telling people I was not pregnant any more when I miscarried my first pregnancy. All the grief to deal with plus having to ring/text people to let them know, in case they contacted me first with a cheery 'how's it all going?' message...

2catsand1rabbit · 28/03/2008 13:47

EVERYONE we know knew within days. My DH couldn't stop telling people! Also I know most people would guess due to me not drinking alcohol, being tired all the time, being sick as a dog, too ill to go to exercise classes.

kerala · 28/03/2008 14:00

Congratulations! Had BFP myself on Tuesday and still reeling. DH and I decided not to tell anyone but a mum friend came round the morning after I did the test and I had left "What to expect when you're expecting" out on the sofa so was busted.

My dread is tellng my sister. She has been ttc her first for 16 months now. Just dreading telling her and that makes me not want to tell anyone in my family for another 3 months in the hope she gets pregnant too.

Tinkerisdead · 28/03/2008 14:03

im 8 weeks and we have told our mums and three of my best friends. my friends because otherwise i was living like recluse trying to hide the sickness etc and so i told just the closest people to me. we will tell everyone else after our scan. initially it was really hard ot telling anyone but now i like having the secret. my mum rang today and asked if she could tell my brother as she was having lunch with him, i refused as I want to know in my own mind that its all okay first. When I first found out i was pregnant a few weeks ago, i thought waiting was overcautious supersticion but now i feel so anxious and worried about the pregnancy it feels better keeping that contained IYSWIM.

MrsTittleMouse · 28/03/2008 14:06

tinierclanger - that sounds awful. As though you weren't going through enough already...
One of the reasons why we are so coy is that our infertility is a closely guarded secret in RL. It was quite a shock that I was able to conceive again (am PG with #2 right now from the first round of treatment) - we were very lucky as the odds were very much against us. If we lost this baby I wouldn't want to have well-meaning people try to encourage us to "try again" as it isn't that simple, to say the least! I would find it very hurtful when we would be struggling with both the MC and the infertility.

PrePG · 28/03/2008 14:12

I just had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. We had told my family, but only his brother and SIL, not his mother or father. We were waiting for the magic 12 week mark in case something went wrong. Well, now that something did go wrong, I kind of wish we had told his parents for several reasons. First off it would've explained a lot about our behavior over the past few weeks - we didn't see anyone over Easter and I didn't even manage to send out cards. I also now feel like we've been through a huge ordeal and have to keep it a secret. We decided that in the end we will tell his parents what happened, but it would've been so much nicer if we had told them when we had happy news

everyone's different, this is just the way we've felt afterwards.

ExtraFancy · 28/03/2008 14:12

We kept it secret until a scan at 9 weeks showed everything was OK, then told my mum/sisters.

DH's family weren't told until 12 weeks, as they can't be trusted to keep a secret - I had a MC in 2006, and we had made the mistake of telling my FIL about the pregnancy in confidence, who then told all and sundry! We made him 'un-tell' everyone after I lost the pg.

EyeballsintheSky · 28/03/2008 21:10

I don't think I waited 3 minutes, certainly couldn't have kept gob shut for 3 months! I reasoned that, being such a big mouth, if anything had happened, I wouldn't have been able to be silent about that either.

dizzydixies · 28/03/2008 21:14

I waited because I lost my first. I also thought it was nice for dh and I to have a secret for a wee while. We also found out the sex with dd2 but didn't tell anyone - its nice to keep some things sacred for a wee while

expatinscotland · 28/03/2008 21:15

we never waited.

a friend of mine held off till 12 week scan.

then she found out the baby had died at 20 week scan .

dizzydixies · 28/03/2008 21:18

expat just seen your post on scottish thread

THRILLED AND DELIGHTED

shelleylou · 28/03/2008 21:20

my parents found out at 3 months as thats when i did. DS's nan found out a few weeks later after scan and then grandad and so on.

expatinscotland · 28/03/2008 21:22

it was a real shock, dizzy. i was expected to see something very bad again.

we went ahead and told DD1, age 4.

she wanted to touch my tummy and as was holding her on my lap she said, 'I love your baby, Mummy.'

she's the truest and best of bonnie: through and through and will probably never realise just how much so.

dizzydixies · 28/03/2008 21:31

yes, she certainly sounds it

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