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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Did you wait three months to tell?

75 replies

bcsnowpea · 28/03/2008 03:02

DH and I are trying to conceive child #2 and I've just had a BFP!!! (though haven't yet been to a doc to confirm).

DS1 was totally unplanned, and when he was conceived we had to tell everyone straight away as we decided to live in a whole different country.

This time around, we have a bit more flexibility, and I'd like to keep it to myself for a little while.

Who told and who held off for three months? What were your experiences? Which did you prefer, if you've done both?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

slinkiemalinki · 28/03/2008 22:15

I told my mum immediately (she spookily "knows from my face" when I am pregnant anyway - bizarre hmm) and my brother and dad also knew. My MIL, SIL and her husband we told at 8 weeks at an early scan I had. Everyone else after the 12 week scan.

vicsta · 29/03/2008 06:46

Didn't tell anyone till after 12 wk scan. I knew that I would cope if the worst happened, but only if I didn't have to put up with everyone elses sympathy/pity/subject avoidance etc.

CocoDeBearisCocoDeBear · 29/03/2008 07:11

wonderful news expat

CocoDeBearisCocoDeBear · 29/03/2008 07:13

We 've always told immediate family straightaway and my two closest friends. When I had a mc with my first pg I wished I'd told everyone so they would understand why I was so miserable and finding things so difficult.

finallypregnant · 29/03/2008 09:52

Kept quiet until 12 week scan but it was hard because I was so ill and was "missing in action" from various nights out etc!

Maria2007 · 29/03/2008 11:40

In our case our good friends & family knew we were trying because we had ICSI to get pregnant... so we got lots of great support during the ICSI, and it wouldn't' have been fair or even possible to not tell them the result afterwards.

We told most other close friends / relatives (who didn't know about the ICSI) after our 6 weeks scan... and then again another circle of friends found out after the 12 weeks scan. To be honest, I felt comfortable in telling people from the beginning because I knew that if, god forbid, something went wrong, I would appreciate the support...

tinierclanger · 29/03/2008 16:14

I sounded really negative before, sorry!
I would add that we told our parents both last time, and this time, around 8 weeks and that was absolutely the right thing to do for us - and now we are 23 weeks pregnant and all ok.
I agree that with people you're close to, it's great to have the support either way.

And congratulations, which I should have said before!

Heartmum2Jamie · 29/03/2008 20:48

With our previous pregnancies we told family pretty much straight away, certainly by 5 or 6 weeks (depending on when I found out). We had already told family, close friends and work about the baby when we miscarried betwen the boys. I did appreciate the support.

I am now almost 9 weeks pregnant and apart from my best friend, we have told no-one as we want to wait for the first scan to make sure all is well. Not that I feel that it isn't, but as this wil be my last baby, I also love the idea of only hubby & I knowing. Thankfully it hasn't been hard to hide so far as I have been feeling pretty well (I know I am very lucky). I guess the next 3 weeks will be more of a struggle as I have started thickening around the middle!

eekamoose · 29/03/2008 20:58

Yep, kept it a secret until the 12 week scan both times. Just because that's what we wanted to do. Our parents understood and were very pleased they only had 6 months, not 9 months, to wait for the baby to arrive!

fairylights · 29/03/2008 21:04

we ended up telling everyone at 8 weeks because i had hyperemesis and had to be admitted to hospital - bit hard to hide!
if i manage another pg without hyperemesis (please God!) then i think i would wait longer just because its nice to have the secret between you and dp/dh i reckon. But each to her own!

hedgepig · 30/03/2008 11:00

I wasn't going to tell BUT. Told 2 friend who came to stay when I was bout 7 weeks it was hard not to cos I was so sick and tired. Told my boss (but not work officially) cos of the same reason and she was planning lots of travel for me. Then I told my mom and dad. Then I told another friend cos I had some bleeding and I knew she had in her last pg and i wanted some re-assurance. So loads of people seem to know ! basically I can't keep my mouth shut!

Original poster

bcsnowpea · 30/03/2008 12:14

Thanks for all your great posts!
We decided to tell immediately family for now, and hold off on extended family for another couple of months (though one of my aunts has already freakishly guessed).
We told them all today, and it was lovely to see the joy on their faces.
My dad said he "knew" which I highly doubt, but I guess he'd been anticipating it since we were trying.

OP posts:

Lomond · 30/03/2008 12:17

No I couldn't wait, I had hyperemesis though so people would have been worried as I was so ill, or they would have guessed!

tegan · 30/03/2008 12:21

I am only 6 weeks and most people know because i can't contain my excitement.

hanaflower · 31/03/2008 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maxbear · 31/03/2008 11:10

I tried to keep it quiet until 12 weeks but only made it to 9 as I was too excited and felt too grim. Because I felt so grim I worried less that I'd have to untell people iyswim, as I felt that I would probably not miscarry. I got so fed up with being pregnant anyway that if I have a 3rd I will probably try not to tell anyone for longer as I get really fed up with people asking me when it is due and if it is twins. (not twins only one fairly big one!) Mind you I got so big so quickly second time around that I would probably not be able to hide it if I did it again.

decaffeinated · 31/03/2008 11:51

First time I was pregnant, I told everyone we knew, (and some!) the second I found out (at about 6 weeks). Then I miscarried. It was heartbreaking having to tell so many people that the pregnancy hadn't worked out.

When I fell pregnant the second time, we were a little more reserved, and told only our parents and closest friends before the first scan, and everyone else after that.

Cammelia · 31/03/2008 12:04

I waited till 10 weeks with dd2 but then had to spill the beans as it was my 40th birthday and my family threw a surprise party for me

And I was the only person not drinking the champagne

Clairedaz · 31/03/2008 13:00

I only have told close family and had to tell the girls in the office, as at 10w can only wera maternity bottoms or elasticated clothes.

Even though it is exciting if you tell too many people the first trimester drags and if there are any complications there are moe people to notify.

MrsMattie · 31/03/2008 15:08

I told family and friends straight away with my DS. Told my parents and sister with my 2nd pregnancy, which ended in a m/c at 7 weeks-ish, which was hard - glad I hadn't told many people that time, but I ended up telling quite a few friends about my m/c anyway (who hadn't known about the poregnancy) so I guess it was swings and roundabouts, really. Still, am around 5 weeks pregnant now and have only told my mum, sister and of course, my husband (oh, and you lot!). Won't be telling anyone else until 12 week scan. I think once you've had a m/c it's very hard to take things for granted in the early stages.

caramelbunny · 31/03/2008 15:20

Only told my parents with first pregnancy then miscarried at 12 weeks. It's still an awful secret to carry as my close friends don't know about such a big thing that happened. With dd, told immed family and close friends. Am 11 weeks pregnant now and have done same. As MrsMattie said, she ended up telling people about m/c anyway so if it's people you would want to know about m/c then may as well share good news about pregnancy.

mindingmum · 31/03/2008 19:41

With DD4 I managed to get to 23 weeks before I told anyone!!! It was so lovely having a big secret that DH and I could keep to ourselves.

And when i did tell everyone I felt so proud of myself

I have always barely shown until 3 trimester so was easy to do from that point of view but decided the time had come to spill the beans when DD1 was on my lap having a cuddle and she piped up "your tummy's sooo big, it looks like theres a baby in there!!"

WaynettaSlob · 01/04/2008 08:20

For my three pregnancies I didn't tell anyone (apart from random people like the dentist !) before I had all my scans. Apart from not wanting to tempt fate, I think it you tell people very early it makes your pregnancy appear to last for bloody ages (the wife of a colleague of mine appears to have been pregnant for about 2 years, because he told us practically the second they had done the deed - it is now 7 months on and oh so tiresome!)
If I had had a m/c or bad news I would have shared it with close family / friends.

I cherish those few months when DH and I have a secret that no one else know about.....

libbyssister · 01/04/2008 08:39

Congratulations! What an exciting time for you.

With DS I waited until I was 20 weeks to tell everyone because I only had the one scan and wanted to make sure things were OK. DH and I enjoyed having our own little secret and there's such a deluge of 'stuff' (good = congratulations, planning and well wishes + bad = lack lustre congratulations, opinion, stupid comments) that comes with telling people that I look back fondly on the time when nobody knew!

I'm nearly 20 weeks pg with my 2nd DC and I started telling people properly about 2 weeks ago. I told 2 local friends of mine in the earlier stages but family and everyone else had to wait. It was harder/more uncomfortable to hide my bump this time and also I had to organize things earlier with work. Still felt good to wait until 17/18 weeks.

Depends on your family and friends. Both our families are a PITA with the news and I got very upset and angry telling them. Still not talking to my sister 2 weeks on!

But I'm sure yours are a lot nicer

pelafina · 01/04/2008 08:44

Message withdrawn

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