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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Did you wait three months to tell?

75 replies

bcsnowpea · 28/03/2008 03:02

DH and I are trying to conceive child #2 and I've just had a BFP!!! (though haven't yet been to a doc to confirm).

DS1 was totally unplanned, and when he was conceived we had to tell everyone straight away as we decided to live in a whole different country.

This time around, we have a bit more flexibility, and I'd like to keep it to myself for a little while.

Who told and who held off for three months? What were your experiences? Which did you prefer, if you've done both?

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PollyParanoia · 01/04/2008 16:27

I've done both and I can honestly say that I found it so much better to wait. My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage and it's really hard having to tell people who've you told you're pg - I was very open about the mc, but I still wanted to tell people in my own time. Plus there was a couple who we'd told we were pg at about 7w and a) we found out they'd blabbed to other people and b) when they heard about the mc they didn't send any message of support and I've still not really forgiven them.
Plus as others have said, pg is so much shorter if you keep it quiet at beginning.
Do have to laugh at those that keep it quiet until 20w+ though. I'm 23 weeks and strangers congratulate me even when I'm wearing an overcoat!

3NAB · 01/04/2008 19:19

With our first we planned to wait until 12 weeks but I had pains so got an early scan at 8 weeks. When booking the appointment the midwife told me I was probably going to lose the baby. I was scanned at 8 weeks 3 days and all was well. We decided to tell my inlaws and my Nan as I figured if I then did lose the baby, at least they would have had that happy time knowing the baby was on the way.

With number 2 I can't remember, with number 3 we told at 5 weeks and then had a miscarriage days later so with the next one we waited until after the 12 week scan to tell PIL and my Nan. Some people didn't know I was pg until I texted them DS2 had been born!

spugs · 01/04/2008 20:41

i told everyone straight away about all 3 dds, the only pregnancy i didnt tell people about (apart from family) i miscarried and it was difficult explaining why i was off owrk etc.

MrsArchieTheInventor · 01/04/2008 20:53

We kinda had to tell everyone straight away. We were living with DP's parents at the time and I had a mirena coil in place with a serious concern that it was an ectopic pregnancy so any complications and subsequent medical intervention would have been difficult to explain away without them knowing the situation.

Next time, if circumstances allowed (and that's assuming there will be a next time) I'd like to keep it to just the two of us for at least a couple of weeks.

Flum · 01/04/2008 23:27

Just told DH and daughters. DD1 age 4 told everyone else we knew and lots of people we don't know that Mamma has a tiny teeny tiny baby in her tummy. So that rather scuppered the keeping it secret, which I did want to but was not clever enough to realise DD1 would not keep it secret.

DD2 doesn't get it so no worries there. Now everyone knows and if it all goes tits up will have to deal with the fall out. More worried about choosing a termination if found something terrible was wrong and having to tell people to that and take their judgement. Guess that kiind of thing doesn't havppen til after anomoly scan when people would know anyway.

MrsTittleMouse · 02/04/2008 08:58

To be honest, if we found a severe abnormality at 20 weeks and I had an abortion, we would just tell people that we had lost the baby. Which would be perfectly true. I don't think it's any of their business how we would have lost the baby.
I'm actually more concerned that when we tell people that they will make a big deal of it with DD, when really she's too little to know until things are really advanced (she's 17 months).

Grange · 02/04/2008 10:30

Hi
My plans to wait 12 weeks were ruined by the boss who was going to make me 'restrain' a known aggressive client at work. I refused -she said 'under what damn good reason'-so i blurted it out. She then further addded insult to injury by saying did I not think it was immoral to not tell my job share. Can't wait to go on maternity leave!

Laino · 03/04/2008 16:04

12 wks with dd1 - took bunches of flowers to MIL and my mum and said 'congratulations you're going to be a grandparent in December' and MIL looked confused and said 'no August' as that's when SIL was due. FIL had to explain to her.....Doh. 9 wks pgt and only told random people like my pilates teacher and mental health nurse etc.....but struggling with clothes. Scan at 12 weeks day before we go on hol for a week so planning to tell world when I get back at 13 wks. Though tempted not to tell my lovely brother till I see him in May as a surprise! Anxious though....as last time....

Amani · 03/04/2008 16:14

My work collegues figured my pregnancy out when I was 2 months gone, as every morning I would walk into walk, smell the cleaning products used by the cleaners that morning and rush to the loos to be sick.

Told family at 3 months after our 1st scan.

Amani · 03/04/2008 16:14

secong walk should be work

Laino · 03/04/2008 16:21

....and not going to tell my DD (3 and a bit). My friend's dd told me she was going to be a big sister when I babysat for her and her mum hadn't even been to the docs.....when she told me a few weeks later I had to confess that I knew. Turns out her dd had told the world........

Oblomov · 03/04/2008 16:34

With ds, only our mums knew , prior to 3 months. But then with hospitalisation due to diabetes, you can't really keep it a secret.
However, with this one, we have told very close friends and family, even at 7 weeks, becasue of ... well same really.

lljkk · 03/04/2008 16:41

Always told anybody I knew as soon as I knew, except in 4th pregnnacy when I was in a permanent kind of 'Sod off world' mood -- and right up to the end never told anyone but family + close friends.

My mam had several miscarriages and always talked about them to anybody in a very casual way, I didn't know they were supposed to be a big deal until my 2nd pregnnacy or so (I realise now that most people feel different, but for me I don't think m/c would be that upsetting).

cyteen · 03/04/2008 19:45

We told family and close friends before 12 weeks; a friend had lost her baby at about 2 months and it was really grim for her having to answer congratulatory messages from friends who'd only just heard about the pregnancy, with "actually I just lost it". So I reasoned that if anything happened I'd want my closest friends to know. I told my best friend the day I found out!

I wanted to wait till 12 weeks to tell my family as I was really superstitious about something going wrong and didn't want to get their hopes up after all the awfulness of my brother's death. But I ended up telling them at about 9 weeks as I knew I'd be seeing them shortly afterwards and they would all want to know why I wasn't drinking.

Don't think I told work till I was about 16 weeks, and then it was only because I had to (was starting to show). I did enjoy telling my boss though, as he is also DP's bio father and therefore the baby's bio grandfather - he was very pleased

mibbes · 03/04/2008 20:51

Oohh Laino that was a lovely way to tell the mums ! And LOL at blabbermouth DD !
I am torn as I am the same as PortandLemon in that I'd cope better without of sympathy from others. However have a weekend away at 10 weeks and I will have to tell our friends as they will guess when I am not drinking on a 'boozy-weekend-away' ! We have decided to tell our family and my BF at 9 weeks (as we wouldn't tell the weekend away friends before family) but am terrifed it all goes wrong at 12 week scan. I am looking into having a private scan now so that am more confident that all is well when I tell them. I am loving it being just our wee secret at the moment

lizziemun · 03/04/2008 21:54

No, but in my defense i didn't know i was pg.

I was 10wks when i found out i was pg with dd1 mum told i was pg and to test.

With dd2 i was 9wk when i found out and again mum told me i was pg.

slapheadsrock · 05/04/2008 19:43

It's lovely how everyone does this so differently and you have a choice, it's not obvious like a broken leg!!
We sent cards to 'Grandma and Grandpa, just to let you know that I am really looking forward to our first cuddle in x months time, love Bump'. That way we could post them at the same time and not have anyone going 'You phoned her first'as we live miles away from both sets of parents.

Ambi · 05/04/2008 19:47

Best Friend - 1 day
Parents - 1 week
Boss - @ 8 weeks
Rest of Family - 8 Weeks
Everyone else - 10 weeks.

MissPaulaYates · 06/04/2008 15:31

i only told at 15 weeks this time

much prefer it and pg goes much faster

mumfor1standmaybe2ndtime · 06/04/2008 15:45

I told my friend at work day after I missed my af, had to really as with my job I climb extremely high ladders and worried incase I came off!
Was invited to a retirement party for my uncle at 6 weeks and me and dh agreed not to say anything, but as soon as room filled up with relatives the news spread from my parents to others!
Think for number 2 I would like to keep things quiet for longer. It is also a nice thought to hold a special secret from anyone.

littlebeezz · 06/04/2008 18:36

We told my parents and mother-in-law the week we found out and made them promise not to tell anyone as we wanted to break the news to the wider family at the family christmas dinner which was 2wks away. However my mother-in-law had different ideas. When people arrived to sed dinner they congratulated us, my sister-in-law and husbands aunties told us she had got on the phone to everyone the same day we told her.
I was not happy and felt like she'd taken that moment away from us. She has two other grandchildren, but this is our first child and we wanted to tell our family ourselves. I was so upset and angry i had to leave as soon as we'd eaten. She's never admitted telling everyone, she wont speak about it and has'nt appoligised.

Kaz1967 · 06/04/2008 21:19

I did not realise I was pregnant until I was 8 weeks best mate was told as the line appeared, spoke to doc next day (because of age and meds) told another friend at about 9 weeks parents at 10 (only cos I was going home an would not be drinking) SiL about 10 weeks too, college at 12 weeks because I was quite unwell. other people as it has come up

mumofhelen · 06/04/2008 21:29

Waited until I had my first scan. At 14 weeks with dd and 13 weeks with ds.

hotchocscot · 06/04/2008 23:04

Told my BF the day after i'd done home test late at night, when period was a few days late. I'd already told her i thought i might be, with funny sore boobs and no desire to eat anything but toast! So in a way she knew even before DH! She'd phoned me while in the loo at her work holding the famous blue line up to the light with her first! Plus i knew she would never blab until i said it was ok to tell.

Had to tell my boss at work as soon as confirmed pg by doc when thought i was about 5 weeks cos i was dealing with some stuff that might have affected my pg, she was brill, rearranged rotas etc without telling anyone, so i stayed safe. Told rest of team at 14/15 weeks after scan.

Was going to wait till scan for everyone else too, but went home for my dad's birthday at about 8 weeks, he offered me a glass of wine, i said no and then decided on the spot to say why. He and mum said it was the best birthday present ever! (shucks) and they were also brill at staying shtum until i was happy to tell rest of family later on

I think dh told PILs about two weeks after that when on the phone to them (they live abroad and they don't keep in touch that much)

most others as and when i saw them from about 10-12 weeks on. So nice to do it face to face and see their faces!!

But if i have a second one will probably keep it quiet for longer, i like the idea of a special secret for DH and me!

MelissaM · 07/04/2008 18:04

We didn't tell anyone until I was 12 wks (coincided with Christmas Day at my parents & MIL was there too). We had a scan a few days before too so knew everything was ok.

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