I’ve been with my partner for a year and a half, and have recently found out that I got pregnant on the pill. Due to being on the pill I didn’t find out until 10 weeks (did pregnancy tests after visiting the doctor for sickness/flu and getting all clear from bloods etc). Initially due to the shock, I was on board with getting an abortion as this wasn’t something we’d discussed in detail yet - though we both had said we want children in the future. I’m 28 and my partner is 38.
The first step I took was reaching out to the abortion clinic who couldn’t offer me a consultation for TWO weeks. I went to get a private scan to see how far along I was as the anxiety was killing me. This is where I found out I was 10 weeks pregnant and also had suspected endometriosis with a 7cm cyst on my ovary. After this scan I felt completely different due to all the factors - I knew an abortion late on would be really difficult for me and because I had already suspected I had endometriosis (I’ve struggled with periods since 14 and it runs in my family) so always thought I’d struggle to conceive - and I felt the cyst / opinion from the private scan reaffirmed this.
I did counselling and wrote down all my feelings and then discussed with my partner to see what his reasonings were for not wanting the pregnancy. He said he just was not ready and that we should abort the baby and try again next year. I booked the scan with the abortion clinic and was told it’d be in 10 days, the night before the scan - they called to cancel my appointment and told me they couldn’t do the surgery so I needed to self refer to a different provider. I did this and the new provider couldn’t offer a scan for another 10 days. I will be at least 14 weeks at the point of this scan so, 15+ when having the abortion.
I feel really uncomfortable about the situation and told my partner that I can’t see a future where I can get past an abortion, but I appreciate his views and that he can’t see one without it - so we’ve essentially parted due to the situation. I earn good money and have good maternity pay for the first 6 months - but I have a dog and no house of my own. I live with my partner atm so I now need to move out of that home. My friends and family have been supportive but ultimately I’d need to find my own feet and deal with a big change of outgoings by myself - is it reasonable to think I can do this in 6 months? I don’t think being a single parent will be easy by any means - but the instinct I feel to keep the baby is overwhelming and it’s that I can’t shift past. Am I in the wrong if I keep the baby, because it was unplanned? Even though I’ve said I’d have no expectations from the baby’s dad? I feel really stuck as I just don’t know if I’d recover from an abortion.