41, possibly pregnant, scared

[40andprettybored]

I thought I was going through peri menopause or menopause but I'm 11 days late and I feel pregnant. Very sore breasts. Absolutely knackered. Feel sick.

I have 2 kids who are nearly secondary school age. Im scared about :

Peoples reactions - family, work
Work
My age
Miscarrying

Basically everything. Husband has gone to get a test. I can't say anything to anyone so I'm putting it here hoping for reassurance and support.

💐

I was in exactly your position, had my third “ a surprise” at almost 41 , other DC were 11 & 12 .
Main thing is, would you like another child? I had always liked the thought of another so whilst shocked and scared was also delighted.
I had more tests during pregnancy because of my age, because I thought that it would have a huge effect on the rest of the family.
No one reacted badly, lots of “why are you starting again” type comments though.
She’s a teenager now and been a joy, I thoroughly enjoyed ( almost !) every minute of having her and don’t regret it for a second. She has an amazing relationship with our older kids , I’ve never felt too old and third time around found I was more patient and way more relaxed than I was as a parent with the older ones.

So whilst this may be a false alarm for you, don’t panic if it is a positive test, if you want another & decide to go ahead with a pregnancy, it can be a really positive experience x

Thank you

Do you want another child OP? 💐

41 really isn't that old at all for a baby, especially not these days - I'd honestly love to be in your shoes. It's on the younger end for menopause (average age is 50).

Best of luck to you, hope it all works out.

I had my son at 41! No issues. Pregnancy was good, he’s perfect, I’m tired AF with two small children but the last Mumsnet thread I read about parents who were all feeling exhausted was started by a 25 year old - so I think tiredness will be a factor no matter what!

it really comes down to whether you want a baby and whether you have the time, money and space for them. Good luck!

Bless you OP . 41 is not so old these days - I know plenty of people with babies born then and slightly later .

Don’t worry about what others think just worry about what you want to do .

It is also very possible to feel this way in peri too so it maybe a false alarm

My one and only born when I was 43. He’s now 18. It was a slightly scary pregnancy towards the end as he was early. But parenthood has been fab. There were a few other mums who were surprised by my age, but, actually, most middle class mums here are 35 plus. I used to get asked if I got tired, honestly no more or less than younger ones

The answer is not your age but if you would like another DC. I had my last DC a couple of months ago and I am 45. !! Trust me it is not that old. In the ward with me most ladies were late 30,s.
best wishes

I had my third (very surprise, older two were 7 and 9) at 40. She’s 1.5 now and a joy! We are older and (not really but pretending) wiser and the older two love her so much. It leads to big changes in the family (financial and activities being the two biggest forus) but the bigger picture is that she’s been worth it massively.
it is down to you tho, early on my husband sat down and just said ‘whatever you want I will support and if you’re in we will be in it together’ as I really struggled with the idea. It gets better and better currently.
do what you want and don’t think too far ahead. Not sure I’ve voiced this right but wanted to send support it’s a tough place at the time!

Thank you. I did want another baby and then life changed in that I'm in a really good job and I suppose I put it to back of mind thinking that period of my life is done. My kids are growing up. I was convinced it couldn't happen so I put all energy in my work. I guess everyone thought that area of my life was shut including me.

Sorry to jump on your post but I am in a similar position, although slightly younger at 35. I have had 3 positive tests this morning despite having an IUD. Currently have a 7 year old and a 10 year old and wasn't planning anymore (Dh is on the list for the snip!) so I am absolutely terrified.

Did you ever envisage a 3rd child in your family? Part of me thinks you would never regret a child once they're here but the other part just wants to curl up in bed and cry.

You have options OP. Make the right choice for your family (particularly your existing children).

Am in the same boat - got a bfp yesterday. Am 44 in two weeks

Good luck for whatever you want op x

Good luck whatever you decide, OP. If you don't mind me asking, are you on the pill? I am 40 and on the 3-hr mini pill Noriday, and my periods are all over the place.

OK let's breakdown the worries:

Other people's reactions - those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind. It's completely your choice - to hell with anyone else

Work - presume you get maternity leave etc? Are you worried about impact on career/earnings?

Age - a lot of women have children this age and the vast majority are find. You can arrange for extra testing/screening if that's a worry.

Miscarriage - unfortunately an unavoidable possibility at any age and very little you can do in this regard. Control the controllables.

Take a deep breath, take the test and think give yourself dome time to discuss it and decide.

Best of luck either way.

I had a 3rd at 41 with zero issues. We’re all healthy and happy! But it’s not about whether you will be ok physically, it’s whether you and DH want another child. Good luck with your decision.

similar happened to me at 38...had a 15 and 12 year old girls at the time and yes was very frightening. However i now have this very cheeky, energetic and loving 2 year old little boy that i can't live without. It will be ok. x

Ok deep breath! Do the test first before you worry about people’s opinions!

41 with primary aged children and a baby isn’t that unusual here. And if people aren’t paying your bills, you don’t need to take their opinion into account in your life choices, do what makes you happy and works for your family.
miscarriage obviously is scary, but you’re more likely to not miscarry than to miscarry.
good luck with whatever you decide to do and whatever result you get!

I'm assuming you've done a test now OP, I hope you've got the result you wanted?

41 really isn't uncommon these days!

Thinking of you! 41 isn't to bad. DH will be 41 this year and we are still TTC baby #1. By the looks of things waiting for tests he will be at least 43 if we ever get seen 🥲 let us know x

I did the test today. The boldest line ever. Positive. I felt really happy and my husband and I hugged for a long time. He's excited and happy.

Yes I get a year maternity.

I knew I was deep down - I fell asleep one afternoon and just knew (I never fall asleep like that).

I think I'm 6 weeks or 5 weeks.

Congratulations!!

I can't believe it!