Worried about bonding with baby if I need a C sec

[LavenderSweetPea]

This may sound daft, but I'm worried about how a CS might affect my ability to bond with baby. Im 33w and currently nothing to suggest I will need one currently, but at the same time these things do happen.

My baby was very much planned, and wanted, but I suppose I've had in the back of my mind that I'm worried about not being a natural mum/having a strong maternal instinct. I'm just not one of those people who could spend hours looking at baby pics. My own mum although a great parent I think also lacked a bit of warmth and maternal instinct too. I had a very difficult first trimester with a lot of bleeding and a threatened miscarriage and it took me a while to even really acknowledge I really was pregnant and having a baby at all.

I always pictured that I'd have a v birth, and after a full labour, and the pushing they'd put baby on my chest and I'd have a miraculous 'I love you' this was all worth it moment. I don't know if I'll have that if I'm on trolley in a theatre and they just pull baby out without any effort from me (dont get me wrong, I know a CS is not the easy way out with the recovery and everything afterwards!) and they just show me the baby and then take him away while they stitch me up I'm going to feel disconnected and like he's not even mine.

Did anyone else feel this way? Any experiences of csecs from people who didn't know if they'd be a natural mum? Am I worrying about nothing?

My c section was so much more natural than my stressed induction first time round. I held and fed ds2 quite quickly after my c- section, first time round I was too stunned and drained.
I had to have a c section due to placenta previa so it was planned (might be different if an emergency)
Either way you will bond with your baby afterwards

OP. You need to stop worrying about this natural mum stuff. Or it’s going to give you anxiety every time you’re baby surprises you and you don’t know what to do, or when things don’t go to plan.

The rate of maternal death in childbirth pre medical interventions was horrendous. Medical interventions in childbirth are a good thing. Sometimes they are used when they were not needed, and this is something that can be important on. But mostly all these unnatural medicalised things are letting mums and babies live where they would have died in the past.

You don’t often get a lot of choice over C sections. If you need one you need one.
I think you should plan a couple of things to do with your baby that will make you feel that you’re bonding. - start singing a lullaby to them now and they’ll recognize it when they’re born. Or reading a favourite children’s book. Get a teddy for them and keep it near you when you’re relaxing in the evenings and it will smell like you and comfort your baby.

Your baby is already bonding with you btw. They can hear your voice in the 3rd trimester. And it’s the sound they like most as newborns because it’s familiar.

Unless baby is unwell they can be handed to you almost immediately and stay on your chest or by your head the whole time you are being stitched up. Baby can even have their first feed like this in theatre.

You might have to ask for the above but it is completely possible. Weight and new born checks can be done later.

Where do you think they’ll take baby? If there’s a medical need to take him away for treatment, that would be the case with a vaginal birth too. Otherwise, they do a quick once over and then baby to you for skin to skin, or that seems to be the standard for me and my circles. I certainly had that ‘oh my god you’re here, I love you so much’ moment anyway. I asked that they drop the curtain so I could see him as he came out, and he was passed almost immediately to me.

I bonded instantly with dd1 who was born via elective c-section (breech) but it took 4 months for me to bond with dd2 who was born via vbac. Honestly, I think you are overthinking it and pregnancy hormones don't help!

Speak to your midwife about your concerns and she should be able to discuss post c-section protocol in your hospital. I had dd1 on my chest immediately after birth while they closed me up. She then went to dh to a bit of skin to skin while they sorted other stuff to do with the section.

I know birth plans don't always go to plan, but writing down what you'd like to happen may make you feel better whatever birth you end up with.

Congratulations on your imminent new arrival, OP!

I suggest asking your midwife or consultant at your booking in appointment (36 weeks) about a gentle c section, which is where all efforts are made to put the mum and her bonding at the front and centre. For example, you can ask for specific music to be played, the screen can be down for some
of the operation, the baby can be put straight onto your chest for you to hold (unless there are medical concerns that need to be urgently addressed eg not breathing, swallowed meconium).

You can come prepared with your preferences written down and ask the doctor about them when booking in, and give them to the nurse and doctor on the day of the ELCS. They will try to accommodate you.

In any case, I understand that it is now the norm for the baby to be put onto you immediately, before all the checks, unless there are immediate medical concerns. This has been the case with all of my friends who have had ELCS. Unfortunately it wasn’t the case for me as there was a concern that DS2 had swallowed meconium so he needed his airways checked immediately, but within five minutes I was holding him, and was allowed to hold him for as long as I wanted while they sewed me up.

(At my request, DS1 was immediately put onto my chest before the checks, but that was a c section in a different country so perhaps not immediately relevant).

For medical reasons, my relative had to have a C-section under general anaesthetic and then couldn't physically be beside her baby for 5 days. It hasn't affected their bond at all and she established breastfeeding without a problem (something she was worried wouldn't be possible).

I had natural birth - baby needed resus so wasn't placed immediately on me. When he was I remember just a feeling of relief and exhaustion more than anything. Not any particularly strong 'maternal' feelings. That came a while later. Never experienced/enjoyed the newborn 'baby bubble' people talk of though.

What I'm trying to say is I don't think mode of birth dictates bonding, and I don't think all women feel a strong maternal bond immediately.

I had an elective c section. No pain, injury etc, no decisions to be made about anything, all calm, the "bonding" was really easy. But this idea that you have to "bond" with the baby immediately or it will be in some way harmful is not right. Some people take a while to adjust to a new life situation. That's fine. Adjusting may very well happen much more easily when the new part of your life started with a controlled painless process rather than anxiety and pain.

I had one c-section and one vaginal, and I love them both more than words can say. There is no difference, so stop worrying.

I’d also recommend making clear your preferences before you go into theatre and have the spinal. It isn’t unusual for it to make you feel nauseous and, after a while, quite sleepy, so you want to make your desires known before that happens!

Aw bless you. First of all, I will say I have not had a C-section, however I do know and have know several people who did have one, even two, and they all bonded well with their babies. I am sure you will be absolutely fine but let's hope you do not need surgery and everything is straightforward.

I had an emergency c-section in April and it didn't impact our bond at all, this baby is glued to me 24/7! They took her out, weighed her/dried her off and placed her on my chest while they were closing me up. I still got the 'golden hour' while they did observations and I just held her and she fed for the first time.
It wasn't what I had planned for but it wasn't this big terrible thing I built up in my head as a worst case scenario.

I would encourage you to separate your idea of yourself or your worth as a mother from your birth entirely- you cannot control it.

I tell everyone this because we rarely talk about it… with my first DD I looked down at her like you would when disappointed with your raffle prize but everyone is happy because you won! She looked terrible! Like really puffy and swollen. She had colic and the first 15 years were the most thankless task (she is 15 and still very thankless), she has ASD and everyday is challenging but you know what? I love her! No matter what, she makes me laugh and her humour is so dry. She is mine and she relies on me for everything

No matter the mode of delivery, you guys are going on a very long journey together, you won’t always like each other, you won’t always want or need each other but you will be together!

If you take one thing away here it’s there may not be a “rush of love” and that is ok.

You don’t often get a lot of choice over C sections. If you need one you need one.
Agree.

Op fwiw I have had two CS - one emergency after a traumatic failed induction and the other planned. I bonded well after both - possibly even more with my first because it was lockdown and I wasn't allowed a companion on the postnatal ward, so I just clung to her until I was discharged.

Also breastfed dc1 till she was 2.5yo so that was no problem either - although we started by mix feeding.

Dc2 is only a week old but I love him to bits already.

Some things I recommend to help with bonding: give him/her a name in advance and get used to using it. Also you can get him/her to kick in the womb by having someone blow a raspberry on it - sounds crazy but it helped remind me there's a little person in there!

I had a c section and it was the most amazing experience of my life. They did a ‘natural’ section, so they lower the curtain so I could see her coming out. She was reaching for me, it was amazing. They then did delay cord clamping, then cut the cord and gave her straight to me. I can still feel that pure joy now when I think about it. I held her the entire time they stitched me up, the only time I let go was when they had to move me onto another bed which took about 2 minutes, then dh held her. I then had her back and didn’t put her down again for about 12 hours, I was overjoyed, I remember thinking maybe this is how people feel when they win the world cup.
That was actually my 2nd section the first was under different circumstances where I was quite ill and it wasn’t the same experience. I’ve had friends who’ve had amazing sections, awful sections, amazing vaginal births and awful vaginal births. Having a c section doesn’t = less bonding though, I can assure you of that! And equally having a vaginal doesn’t = more bonding either, based on many of my friends’ experiences.

You’re overthinking this op. I’ve has 2 c sections, not breastfed either time and still had an amazing and immediate bond with my kids. Please stop worrying :)

Whatever happens you will find a way.
I had an emergency C section at 31 weeks, did not see my ds for 12 hours (too unstable) and was not able to hold him at all until 5 days after his birth. He was in SCBU for 5 weeks and once he was stable I held him skin to skin whenever I changed him. I had no problems bonding at all.
BTW I didn't think I was a 'natural' mother either but he's turned out just fine, 22, has a First from Oxford and still cuddles me!

My c section experience was lovely. I opted for the drape to be dropped so I could see my dd being born. She was then placed on my chest and remained there until I felt a little unwell. I heard her cry straight away and my heart just tugged.

I didn’t breastfeed my baby but did skin to skin when I bottle fed her which was also amazing.
I think you’re panicking which is only natural, try focus on relaxing and looking forward to the little ones arrival.

If you don’t feel an instant bond then please don’t worry. It’s natural and happens to more of us than you think . You read about this instant connection but it doesn’t always happen and that’s okay. Childbirth- no matter what way you give birth is such an overwhelming experience so please don’t feel the need to put pressure on yourself. The fact you’re already thinking this shows how much you love your baby.

I've had one of each. A vaginal birth with my first, C-section with my second.

While my first was placed immediately on my chest, and I even got to cut her cord, I didn't feel bonded to her until a few hours later. The rush of love came a few days after that!

My second it was the moment he was lifted above the drape for me to see what sex he was. I then didn't get to hold him, never mind see him properly (not sure why. Nothing was wrong with either of us), until I was transferred back to a regular bed after the operation was all over.

They were both mildly jaundiced, and very sleepy (37 week births). I had to hand express and syringe/bottle feed for a day or two until the jaundice was washed out. After that, I BF normally. Milk came in on day 3 with both.

Honestly I wouldn't over think it. It might not happen immediately, but it should do. I work in emergency Obstetrics, and if you do need a C-section, everything is usually done to facilitate the two of you bonding. I'm not sure why it wasn't offered to me, but it affected nothing in the end.

I had two bad sections and bad recoveries and have the most wonderful bond with my children.

My second child - I didn't even meet for 3 days and didn't really get to spend any time with for more than a week. It was awful of course but made no difference to our bond.

Op I think you're worrying unnecessarily. I always thought I wouldn't feel overly maternal towards my baby. Ds1 was an emergency c section, he was handed to me very quickly but then I lost a lot of blood and was losing consciousness so it wasn't safe for me to hold him so he was passed to dh until we left theatre. I bonded with him immediately and felt that "rush of love" people talk about

Ds2 planned c section, much calmer and more peaceful. Baby immediately placed on me, he was rooting against my cheek and we were very close the whole time. And yet I really struggled to bond with him and ended up with pnd due to not feeling connected to him

So honestly, what will be will be. You may not get to choose your birth method and you definitely can't choose how or when you bond with your baby. But as pp unless there's a genuine medical need baby won't be "taken away", you'll get skin to skin asap. Also, a c section doesn't automatically mean there's a medical need to keep baby away from mum afterwards, there are many many reasons for a c section that don't have a long term affect once baby is out

I had a c-section and loved my baby from day one, our bond was getting stronger as I was looking after her day in day out.
I think this myth about "you must bond from the first second and if you don't bond there's something wrong with you!" is putting a lot of pressure on new mums, in my view it will happen, as long as you look after your child from day one, regardless of how you have given birth to them.

I also worried about not being a natural mum and, as it happens, both my babies were born by planned CS. I don't think these things are related.

Regarding bonding: I won't lie, with DC1 it took a while. I had a bit of PND and felt very out of my depth. Again, I don't think this was related to having a CS. With DC2 I bonded pretty much instant. I love them both to bits now.

Another thing I'd say is I know it's hard but try not to worry so much. I worried about everything during my first pregnancy and also when DC1 was a baby. The second time I was much more relaxed and I was able to enjoy it all more as a result.

I had an emergency c section where baby was taken to nicu and I was taken to high dependency after. I didn't meet her for 16 hours and couldn't be with her properly for 3 days.
We bonded fine. I adore her. She is a massive mamas girl at the minute. We're still breastfeeding and cosleeping at 18 months.
I was gutted about missing out on the 'golden hour' but whats more important is we got the care we needed and there's been no negative impact