Worried about bonding with baby if I need a C sec

[LavenderSweetPea]

This may sound daft, but I'm worried about how a CS might affect my ability to bond with baby. Im 33w and currently nothing to suggest I will need one currently, but at the same time these things do happen.

My baby was very much planned, and wanted, but I suppose I've had in the back of my mind that I'm worried about not being a natural mum/having a strong maternal instinct. I'm just not one of those people who could spend hours looking at baby pics. My own mum although a great parent I think also lacked a bit of warmth and maternal instinct too. I had a very difficult first trimester with a lot of bleeding and a threatened miscarriage and it took me a while to even really acknowledge I really was pregnant and having a baby at all.

I always pictured that I'd have a v birth, and after a full labour, and the pushing they'd put baby on my chest and I'd have a miraculous 'I love you' this was all worth it moment. I don't know if I'll have that if I'm on trolley in a theatre and they just pull baby out without any effort from me (dont get me wrong, I know a CS is not the easy way out with the recovery and everything afterwards!) and they just show me the baby and then take him away while they stitch me up I'm going to feel disconnected and like he's not even mine.

Did anyone else feel this way? Any experiences of csecs from people who didn't know if they'd be a natural mum? Am I worrying about nothing?

(Obviously most c sections aren't like that- but just to show bonding isn't necessarily affected even when things are far from ideal)

I had a vaginal birth with my first and an emergency C-section where I didn’t see DD for the first 24 hours and have the same perfect bond with both, established breastfeeding with both quickly. My first vaginal birth I actually found more traumatic and was in the ‘oh shit it’s actually a baby’ phase for longer than the c section, even though that should have theoretically been the more traumatic experience! It’s impossible to know how you’ll feel but after my experience I can say that as long as you have the support and you are fierce in making your needs known you’ll be fine.

I had visions of a water birth but dd was breech, refused to turn and so I had a c section.

She was put on me very soon afterwards and we bonded very well. The c section had no impact on that at all.

I've had two c sections. During my second section this year, my baby was born very, very poorly and turned out she had an undiagnosed heart and lung condition. She was in the NICU for care and surgeries for four weeks before I could hold her for first time.

All this to say, she's 5 months old now and we have been stuck to each other like glue since she was born. It was instant love when I first saw her (being resuscitated), I tried NOT to bond with her as she wasn't expected to live. Horrible to admit but true. Couldn't be happier or more grateful.

I had a Cs for breech, and was also worried about ‘meeting’ my baby this way. When they got her out I had her on my chest but started feeling a bit grotty so my OH took her for an hour or so. We’d been to NCT and saw a video of a newborn baby ‘crawling’ up towards the breast to feed. We popped our baby on my tummy and she crawled and tried to latch - it was amazing!

For some reason I’d assumed that because I had a CS bonding would be difficult, and it’s hard not to worry about this sort of stuff, but babies generally behave like babies and the birth is just a short part of the journey of getting to know your child.

Well you're not worrying about nothing because there is a lot research about predictors of poor maternal mental health (which often impacts bonding) and a big one is EMCS. However all you can do is consider the information you have at the time, use the BRAIN acronym to ask questions and then seek support and a birth debrief afterwards if needed.

‘Birth is just a short path of the journey getting to know your child’ by @Poppity3 is a really beautiful succinct way of putting this!

Thank you everyone for your honesty and thoughtful responses. I think you're right I need to stop overthinking the importance of an instant bond.

I will also speak to midwife at next appointment and get more information on what the hospital policy/options are if an unplanned cs is required. I think if I can get a picture of what is likely to happen in that scenario and tell DH what I want so he can make sure it's communicated I'll feel more confident. Obviously if baby is sick and they have to take him somewhere then that's one of those things and I just want what's best for him of course.

DC2 was born by EMCS.

There was no difference in bonding (or feeding) compared to his siblings.

I hope it goes well for you.

I was overdue with my son 41+4 - ended up labour not progressing so had an emergency cs - couldn’t even hold my son afterwards his dad had to hold him while I had the op and then he was placed next to me for me to bottle feed him - it didn’t affect our bond I loved him so much from the minute I saw him and cuddled him xxx

If an unplanned CS happens and they have no concerns then baby will go straight onto you, if there are concerns, from my experience the midwife or consultant will update you quickly. In my experience - my DH was allowed to go with my baby to the nnu ward, see her settled and well and reported back to me along with a consultant. I did have to speak out about colostrum and the unit not having any of mine, where I was quickly provided with syringes and then the midwife took them to the NNU to give to dd. I was not a particularly outspoken person prior to DD2’s birth but quickly learned to be! Having a plan between you and your partner of any eventuality is important and being able to say ‘I need you to speak for me when I might struggle’ will make you feel better that he has your back.

My first c-section baby was checked over, wrapped up and given to dh, who was sat behind me because he was worried about getting in the way. I said something and ds turned his head straight away, looking for the familiar voice.

I had a c section with my DS, I was under a general so I didn't see him till I came round. He's nearly 11, we have a very close bond. Oh I didn't breastfeed him either.

My CS experience was straight onto my chest and I got that euphoric rush of love feeling - which I wasn't expecting tbh. So it's certainly possible.

I was going to say this. I've had two babies by C-section. In both cases there was some cause for concern (thankfully unfounded) about the baby when they were first born, so I didn't get to hold them for a few minutes while they were checked over, but that would have been the case however they'd been born. Had there been no cause for concern I could have held them straight away. I definitely did hold DD2 while still being sewn up.

Both babies had a first feed while I was in recovery, and loads of skin to skin. I went on to breastfeed both for 12 months.

I'll be honest, I'm not sure I did ever have that sort of miraculous moment you're talking about. But I'm not convinced I would have done if I'd had a vaginal birth either. I love them loads though. I wouldn't put all your hopes on a magical post birth moment, however they're born, as it might not happen like that.

Looking back I was off my head on drugs in my c section. I actually almost went to sleep (prolonged induction and a long labour) I actually remember thinking - Mojo you need to stay awake, this is a very important moment in your life lol.

Bonding doesn’t just happen in those first 30 mins you’re going to be spending 24 hours a day with DC for at least the next 6 months. That’s where the “getting to know you” happens.

Agree with other posters that baby is already bonded to you, he knows your voice and thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread so stop worrying

Without wanting to burst your bubble, I think you need to re-evaluate how you view birth and your feelings and emotions around it. It very rarely is a fairytale and you need to be aware of that.
I have had both a vaginal birth and a section. My first thought after vaginal birth when holding my son was what the hell is up with his head (massive lump from being back to back). I was then whisked to theatre after a 3rd degree tear.
With my daughter born via c-section I had a huge rush of love as I was so pleased and overwhelmed that she was a girl. I preferred the c-section as felt more in control but she was quickly whisked to the NICU due to breathing difficulties.

I am not sharing this to scare you, but the more you know and understand about the complications that can happen that mean you don’t get the rush of love or overwhelming feeling of unconditional love the less likely you are to feel disappointed about it not being the fairytale you envision

If it’s helpful to know, OP, DS1 was taken to NICU for six hours after birth. He spent 10
minutes on me, which was wonderful, then he was taken to NICU because that was policy during COVID in the very covid-ridden country I was in, as that was the only place there was definitely oxygen.

DS2 was taken away from inside me to be checked, as he had potentially swallowed meconium. I felt quite worried and panicky when a few minutes had passed without my holding him. But I just had to catch the nurse’s eye and she came over and asked how I was doing; I said I was worried and was sad I hadn’t held my son and she immediately went and got me an update on what was happening and how long it would be before I could hold him.

Bonding with both wasn’t an issue. And actually I probably bonded faster with DS2 than DS1. Totally random.

If possible,

• have someone there who can advocate for you
• tell both the nurse and the doctor your desires beforehand and tell them you’re worried about bonding and that you therefore want the baby to be on you immediately
• seek help with BFing beforehand - or can give an immediate feeling of bonding

I totally get it. Good luck and all the best.

@LavenderSweetPea they don’t take baby away whilst they stitch you up. They do some brief checks on the baby, just as they would with a v birth, and baby is then on your chest whilst they are stitching you

I had a c section with DS and as soon as I set eyes on him it was love at first sight.

I had a VB with DD and for two days I just looked at her, stunned, like she was an alien from outer space. It took about three days for me to wrap my head around the fact that she was actually my child. From then on, I was obsessed.

Don't worry about it.

I’m in no way maternal. I had one child by choice just before turning 40, barely thought about my pregnancy because I was trying to finish a big project before going on leave, had a CS, wasn’t able to BF, and had PND. And you know what? I’m still a good enough mother to my gorgeous 11 year old, and we’re very thoroughly bonded..

I wouldn’t put expectations on yourself and the experience like the rush of love. If you don’t have a moment like that it’s not uncommon and doesn’t mean much I think. I’ve found my bond and love increased as my baby grew. For the first few days I was a little dazed.

EMCS after a long labour. Was sedated and fucked if I’m honest anyway. Didn’t get the I love you moment, was too out of it. Husband held baby whilst they put me back together, I declined skin to skin as I felt too ill, lost a lot of blood so needed a lot of help the first night in hospital. Other than breastfeeding I didn’t do anything.

second night I was on my own and had some lovely bonding moments. I never struggled and I’m not naturally maternal.

second baby planned c section. Most amazing experience of my life. Still no baby on chest at birth as I didn’t want it like that, baby went to DH until we were in recovery and I could do skin to skin and feed but again, no issues bonding and found it much easier being ‘with it’ and awake. I survived in endorphins for 2 weeks, it was hands down the best experience I’ve ever had.

I've had 3 c sections & bonded with all of them absolutely fine. 2 are now adults & there have been no ill effects on them, me or our bond at all.

I've had two vaginal births and didn't have an instant bond with either of them. I wanted to care for them and look after them but I didn't love them until about 6 weeks. Don't put pressure on yourself for perfection or you'll end up beating yourself up forever