Worried about bonding with baby if I need a C sec

[LavenderSweetPea]

This may sound daft, but I'm worried about how a CS might affect my ability to bond with baby. Im 33w and currently nothing to suggest I will need one currently, but at the same time these things do happen.

My baby was very much planned, and wanted, but I suppose I've had in the back of my mind that I'm worried about not being a natural mum/having a strong maternal instinct. I'm just not one of those people who could spend hours looking at baby pics. My own mum although a great parent I think also lacked a bit of warmth and maternal instinct too. I had a very difficult first trimester with a lot of bleeding and a threatened miscarriage and it took me a while to even really acknowledge I really was pregnant and having a baby at all.

I always pictured that I'd have a v birth, and after a full labour, and the pushing they'd put baby on my chest and I'd have a miraculous 'I love you' this was all worth it moment. I don't know if I'll have that if I'm on trolley in a theatre and they just pull baby out without any effort from me (dont get me wrong, I know a CS is not the easy way out with the recovery and everything afterwards!) and they just show me the baby and then take him away while they stitch me up I'm going to feel disconnected and like he's not even mine.

Did anyone else feel this way? Any experiences of csecs from people who didn't know if they'd be a natural mum? Am I worrying about nothing?

I've had 3 v deliveries and one emergency c-section that was an absolute shitshow, baby nearly died, etc. Didn't sleep for 3 days, just horrible circumstances. The stress got in the way but otherwise it was the same as the other births. My milk came in, no issues there. C-sections can interrupt the natural processes with hormones and all that, but it's not a given. I have long covid which makes my body unable to regulate hormones correctly and even so I didn't have an issue bonding. I think the main thing is to make sure you have plenty of help and support for after. Some people heal up quickly but others can take many months. So just having someone to help you pick up baby for feeds, cook, help you get up for the bathroom, etc is really important. Don't worry about bonding though. Even if you are too exhausted or loopy on meds to feel anything, it will all catch up soon after. I also had PND really bad, like almost delusional. Even then I don't feel like my bond with baby is affected! Lol I think my experience goes to show it's nothing to worry about. DD is 18mo and everything is perfect between us, despite me having such a hard time in so many ways! I think you'll do fine!

Kindly, you need to stop thinking that this will happen too... "I always pictured that I'd have a v birth, and after a full labour, and the pushing they'd put baby on my chest and I'd have a miraculous 'I love you' this was all worth it moment"

Some people never get that rush of love instantly and that is ok. You are possibly setting yourself up for failure if you put too much expectation on yourself.

I remember being pretty indifferent when they showed me my baby, certainly no rush of love etc. I loved them, and cared for them, and made sure every last thing was done right when they were tiny, but I wasn't overwhelmed with love or in love with them for a good few months probably if I'm honest with myself. I am absolutely in love with them now and we have an incredible bond, but that doesn't always come instantly for everyone and that is ok.

So funnily enough, this was actually one of the reasons why I opted for a planned section. My own mum had a very traumatic birth experience with me (vaginal delivery big baby) and because of that had awful pnd and ptsd and was completely unable to bond with me.

I was worried about ds being large due to gd and the increased risks of a difficult birth so I didn't want to take the change on that and opted for csection. The way I looked at it, the better the birth experience, the better the maternal mental health outcomes are likely to be. If ds had been smaller and I hadn't had the other complications I had I probably would have opted for a very natural vaginal birth.

The things to remember here is about how you can use your birth plan, hypnobirthing, birth partner etc to advocate for yourself and to feel the most respected and in control that you can feel regardless of what happens. So thinking about all scenarios, thinking about how you'd want to be approached with questions and options, and how your birth partner can advocate on your behalf.

Noone knows how things will pan out but the key is thinking about what your back ups are so you still feel in control if things change from the original plan.

In terms of c section, I still made a birth plan and I wanted to see ds immediately after being born, didn't want him wiped down, wanted skin to skin as early as possible, had music on to keep myself calm, used my hypnobirthing breathing to keep myself calm, asked for lowered voices as ds came out. Etc etc you can still have quite a lot of say. I was shown how to bf in recovery and I wouldn't say I felt love specifically for him immediately, but I certainly felt in complete AWE of him. He was the most perfect little thing I'd ever seen and I was on such a high that things went so smoothly. Its hard to put into words but after a day then I felt like he was really here and really mine, it was more like disbelief that he was actually here safe and sound initially! We have a wonderful bond now and I love him more than I ever thought possible.

I'd say don't have any expectations of how you think you should feel. Any and all feelings are valid because it's a huge thing and everyone reacts to that experience and the hormones (which are so powerful) differently. Putting pressure on yourself to have a specific birth experience or certain feelings is actually going to make it harder for you. Your body knows the best way to birth your baby and you'll trust your gut as to the best way to bring your baby into the world. And then you'll figure out how to be the best mummy you can be. You can't ask any more of yourself than that.

You honestly don't have to worry about this at all. I had a vaginal birth that went wrong with my first and I didn't see my baby for close to 3 hours. My husband held him in a dark recovery ward in the middle of the night while I was in theatre. No issues bonding when I eventually got back to them.

2nd child was an elective section and he was only away from me for a few minutes and I watched him the whole time. Then he was put skin to skin on my chest for the entire rest of the operation. You also have options like a gentle caesarian where they can lower the drapes and let you watch as baby emerges from your body. Just ask at your next appointment and write your wishes in your birth plan. I found the medics who came to assess me immediately before the op all asked my specific preferences for various things too

My DD was born by EMCS after a 40 hour labour and the second I heard her, followed moments later by the second I saw her, was the most precious and intense experience of my life.

I didn’t hold her in theatre as I felt unwell, but had my first cuddle in recovery where I felt a high like no other. It really is indescribable. Despite the awful labour, in that moment I wanted to do it over and over and have about 6 babies!

I was prepared not to feel an instant bond, but instead was totally bowled over by the strength and intensity of my feelings for her.

Im currently snuggled up on the sofa with my 23 and 20yo DDs. Both emergency CS. And our bond couldn’t be stronger. It was from the very moment they were born. Try to stop worrying op. It achieves absolutely nothing and changes absolutely nothing.

I've had one unplanned C-section which was actually pretty calm and I had baby put on me immediately and had that rush of love and bonding feeling.
My second birth was a Vbac - but unplanned. I had wanted another C-section and things progressed too quickly. It was a very traumatic birth with birth injuries mainly down to the speed she arrived. I think I was in shock when the baby was born and I didn't feel the same bond as I did the first time and suffered hugely in the first few months with bonding and getting over the trauma.

I'm not meaning to worry you just to say that births are all different and having a section on its own doesn't mean it will be a negative experience. I hope all goes well for you however you give birth.

I've had 2 emcs and I honestly have never wondered if the way they came into the world affected our bond.

Both times, DH was the one to carry little one to meet me and it was perfect. I was lucky to feel an instant connection, and I know for many women it can take weeks or even months for that bond to build (no matter how they deliver).

DS was CS - I had a bit of a funny turn and he was taken away for further checks. Didn't see him for ages other than the initial waving him lion king style at me. Also wasn't able to breast feed.

No problem whatsoever bonding - we've always been incredible close and he's now 9 and snoring next to me as he likes to sleep where he can 'see my pretty face' apparently 😂 it will all be fine OP. Try not to get too anxious or put too much pressure on.

I hoped for a vaginal birth but ended up with an emergency c section. Like you, I’ve never been very maternal and did wonder how I would be as a Mum. When they put baby on my chest in theatre, I can’t say I had an overwhelming sense of “I love you!” but I definitely knew I would do everything in my power to protect that baby forever.” From the moment she was born I knew she was my person, but it took a little while to have the “I love you” feeling and that’s totally normal. You are both essentially strangers to each other so don’t worry if you don’t get that feeling straight away.

And I like to think I’m a really good Mummy to my daughter, so don’t worry about it being maternal. You will be a team and you will be the best team!

I had a c section. She is nearly 11 and we bonded from the start and for saying I had horrendous anxiety throughout my whole pregnancy I never worried about that. My husband got some bonding time with her whilst I was being stitched and it was amazing to see him with her. From the minute I saw her I loved her and we bonded straightaway. Just be mindful of day 3 when the milk comes in and you think you can't do it but that too passes and you'll be fine

I had a C section and we bonded well. I also breastfed with no problems. I know people who have had vaginal births who took a while to bond and the trauma of some vaginal births can affect this too. So please stop worrying about the what ifs :) I'm sure you'll be a wonderful, warm and maternal mother to your baby because you're already worrying about it!

My c section was easy and it was quick. Lovely team in theatre, lovely atmosphere. Healthy baby. I recovered really quick.

Second birth was vbac, which was medium traumatic. Team were competent and thank goodness the outcome was a healthy baby. However, it took me longer to bond with her because I was so exhausted and sore afterwards.

Breastfed both babies - that gives you oxytocin in spades and made up for any trauma I might have suffered (but fine if you don’t want to breastfeed!)

If I was to do it again I’d have another c section tbh!

It's got nothing to do with how they're born - I took months to bond with mine and that's with a vaginal birth!

Some people fall instantly in love with their baby, others it takes a lot longer. But you'll bond doing things you enjoy together - for some people that's feeding, others bath time, others reading books together.

And mine came straight out and was put straight on my chest for skin to skin and I was utterly revolted because she looked awful - all red, covered in blood and vernix and scrunched up! I wish I'd been given the opportunity to follow my instincts after the birth and not so immediate skin to skin.

So whether you get to hold them immediately or there's a delay also doesn't make much difference!

I had a c section and I can't imagine being closer to my son, he spent months and months in my arms. No negative impact at all

Please don't worry. I had an emergency c section and it didn't have any impact.