Due Dec 2023 - part 6

[Nclktnntt]

Follow-on from part 5 heading into delivery and motherhood.

@Mushroo with my eldest I used to go to bed and watch stuff on my laptop with ear phones. He was always a pants sleeper and I thought he had to be in bed at a reasonable time. Not sure why. Didn’t sleep through till nearly 23 months. Dec baby is much more chill/better sleeper all round so far. He just stays downstairs contact napping or in his Moses basket till we go to bed.

Also not convinced there are any secrets. Dec baby has slept through 3 times in the past week. Last night he did 10 hours fed at 6am and then slept another 2 hours. Done absolutely nothing different than I did for my eldest who’s 2 and woke up 3 times last night 🤦‍♀️.

@FirstMondayInMay we use the kendamil comfort drops. Worth looking into. Xx

Hey ladies,
is anyone having any issues with their partners?
I feel like the resentment is starting with my husband. He’s currently on a boys day out and has been gone since 10am and won’t be back until early hours
i just feel like there is no additional effort for me but he can find time to spend with his friends!
I appreciate he could do with blowing off some steam but it just feels a bit of a piss take and I just feel a bit taken advantage of .
im not sure what needs to be done, I’m feeling really pisses off and have written a list of everything that annoys me about him but not sure if I should go through it or not?!
we’ve been together for 13 years and this is our first baby, we’ve never previously had any relationship issues

Sorry for the long post - I really need to vent and feel guilty moaning about him to people

Its an automatic response, especially when you're just touched out. Feeling like their lives haven't changed and yours has. They're the adult you can have contact with. I'd be upset if DH went out just because its a day I could have had human contact with another adult. I go out weeky with other new mums, one week it got cancelled and I was so gutted I cried 🤣
I could give a list of what he does that annoys me too but honestly best to try talk calmly about it. In my case its mostly unwarranted 😂. E.g. on working days with commute etc by time he's made our tea he doesn't really get a chance to spend a huge amount of time with baby, then I take him up 9pmish for bed. I end up feeling like I never get any time, I'm always holding baby, touched out, when he gets 3 hours to himself before coming to bed. In reality in those 3 hours he does meal prep, all the clothes washing, washes dishes, cleans kitchen, does stuff that needs doing around house. He isn't sat on his backside watching TV but somehow I still get mad like he is. Baby is very clingy and I can't put him down so he picks up all the slack.
Mornings, I may ask him to take him because I haven't slept. He'll change his nappy, cuddle him, calm him then put him back next to me and is like 'right i need to get ready for work' and again, I seethe a little because why can't he take baby with him like I have to every morning to shower etc. But equally it takes 3x as long and he'd be late and he was up late having all that time cleaning etc to himself 🤣
I get mad when he yawns but again tell myself he can be tired too, he isn't claiming to be more tired and baby crying also wakes. But equally he gets up at 7 on weekends as well and takes baby and tells me to sleep as long as I need/can until baby wants food.
I get mad when he's running late at work. I get mad he gets a lunch break while I'm at home at 3pm having not eaten because baby didn't nap all morning, screamed 12-1 then finally started napping on me and I can't put him down because he'll wake back up and scream again.
Being a mum to a newborn is just bloody hard work. Pick which things are going to help most if they change and talk about them. Giving him a list will start a row like you're going on attack.

We sleep in the same room, but her cot is half a metre away from my bed, so not directly next to me.

I don't go to bed at 9 pm I need some time to myself, so I usually sit in bed on my phone, drinking tea.

She's bottle fed, I give her a mixture of expressed breast milk and formula milk.

Like someone else said - I don't think there are any secrets?

This is just the routine she's settled into and we're just very, very lucky at the moment.

@SMG1992 I had a moment a couple weeks ago because my husband works from home and has always struggled to balance his time as he struggles to step away from the computer. He was supposed to finish at 3pm and 7pm he walked away - I was fuming, we'd already had this conversation, I told him it's unfair because it means I've done everything that day and the basic house things haven't got done he now needs to cook while I have to do the washing/put it away, the hoovering could have gotten done but hasn't again, so when he walked away at 7, 4 hours late, I was pissed. I didn't wanna argue being tired so I didn't ask him about it, why he was so late, nothing. He knew I was annoyed and said nothing which wound me up more.

It wasn't until the next day that I actually said how much it upset me and more so that he didn't seem to care. I said if I had to be somewhere, he would have made sure he'd finished work, if I had my class that week, he would have finished but because I'm there to look after LO it didn't matter and he just carried on without considering if I needed him. He agreed and apologised and has since then tried to make an effort to finish on time and step away.

It absolutely winds me up though when things need doing and he's playing a game on his phone when I've not had a minute to myself again. But if I say can you do x, he immediately does it, he just didn't realise it needed done.

I wouldn't go through a list as it does seem like an attack but definitely talk about how you're feeling. It will get better and you are a team, he most likely doesn't even realise.

@Nclktnntt @FlyingHighFlyingLow thank you both ladies! I really appreciate you both sharing your stories too and talking me down from the edge! Sounds like it’s probably best not to go through the list 😂 he more than likely would feel attacked and that’s not going to help.
hopefully he’s not hungover tomorrow and makes an effort!

Hi everyone, how are we all? I can't believe my little man is 2 months old already and I'll be headed back to work in April 😢

@Nclktnntt were getting there. My little one was 11 weeks old on Friday. She has really bad reflux but we’re slowly getting out the pits of it!!! Sleep is getting better too. Hope you’re doing well x

Awww bless her! Did you have to change your formula to a comfort type one?

@Nclktnntt yeah but then we got told to change it back by the health visitor. So now we put gaviscon in every bottle! Seems to help but causes some constipation. How is your little one?

@99SR Just out of interest why did HV say to change back?
we use anti reflux formula and it’s been such a godsend!
@Nclktnntt i hope you’re all good?
I can’t believe LO is 2.5 months - he’s in such a lovely phase at the moment, I know his next fussy stage is just around the corner according to his leaps so enjoying whilst I can!

@99SR why did they say to change it back? Surely a different formula that's better suited is better than adding medication to their system... I'd have thought anyways?

@SMG1992 & @99SR were all good thank you, LO is doing really well. ESP since having his tongue tie assessed and released. I've had a slower recovery than I would have liked - I've been walking, getting out the house and not struggling to get about since C-section but I had difficulty breathing in without pain (went on its own) and I was totally fine until last week when I had some pain next to my scar which got worse and I lost my vision for a minute and by the time I was seen all was fine and they couldn't find anything wrong at all and I've been fine since 🤷‍♀️

@SMG1992 Do you mind me asking - where do you know when to expect fussy stages?

It’s crazy how fast time is going! We’re also in a really lovely phase which started about a week ago.

LO is ten weeks tomorrow and sleeping 11pm - 9am with one wake, rarely fussy and giving us lovely smiles whenever she’s awake.

Feels like we’ve turned a corner (she had tongue tie which we only found out last week so feeding has improved drastically).

Trying to really make the most of it before the next bout of fussiness!

@Nclktnntt There is an app called The Wonder Weeks which is really good
it has all the developmental leaps week by week and when to expect a bit more fussiness because it’s usually down to something developing. It also has ideas of games to play and things to do with LO to help them in their stages.

sorry to hear about your c-section recovery. I’ve managed to recover well from mine except I have an ingrown hair (sorry if tmi) in the scar which is aggravating it- I’ll just leave alone for now but am really hoping it doesn’t get infected!!

We're also in a lovely stage atm too (11 weeks tomorrow)! It's probably giving me a false sense of security 😂 But I'm definitely enjoying it all while I can.
That app sounds great @SMG1992 I'll have to download it! I've been using Huckleberry to record feeds, sleeps and nappies.

12 weeks here and baby still wakes at least every 2 hours, last night 12, 2, 4, 4:30, 5, 5:30, 6am gave up. Did notice though his neck wasn't very warm despite being in a long sleeve vest, babygrow and 2.5 tog sleeping bag so maybe he's too cold and I haven't realised 😭

12 weeks here and baby seems to have been in some sort of regression this week! Waking for a feed every 2 hours again, we’d just got to sleeping from 10-4am😩

Every 2 hours is my normal 😅 at 11 weeks we had a god awful growth spurt regression where he went down to every 45 mins 😭

@SMG1992 this one?

@SMG1992 I'm hoping I don't get an ingrowing hair because the cut is right across the top area rather than above it. I've also noticed the cut is more over to the right - not sure why I expected it to be centralised exactly lol. Fingers crossed your doesn't get infected 🤞

@Nclktnntt Yes that’s the app. It’s a one off fee with no additional charges - it seems well worth it already

@SMG1992 I've downloaded it and just been looking through it. It looks really good. Our little one has definitely found his voice in this current leap his in 🥰

Not really looked at the leaps this time. I think the evidence behind them is a bit sketchy but little one definitely going through something. Had a lovely week of sleeping through (very unexpected) and now having maybe one block of 4 hours then up every few hours. Finding it rather tough. Not sure why as eldest was and often still is a frequent waker so I should be used to it! Crossing my fingers that it passes.