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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

On the edge of having an abortion due to hyperemesis

67 replies

inquisitiveinga · 19/09/2023 13:26

Hi everyone,

Apologies for not replying in another thread I made, I've been in and out of hospital and life has become very blurry.

I'm 8 weeks with my second HG pregnancy and wish I could knock on deaths door and plead with the devil to get this over and done with. I'm on ondansetron and cyclizine but the nausea is still rife and giving me shear hell. I've been hospitalised and given IV fluids and anti emetics but I can feel myself getting back to that level of awfulness again.

I've rang BPAS twice and had a councilling session today. I have an appointment with the nurse tomorrow to talk it through to it's finality and I'm now pretty sure I just want it all to end. I've got a 5 year old who is just stuck infront of the TV when he's home from school and a partner who is burnt out and understandably so.

Equally I have this part of me that just wants something to pull me through this.

Any advice/kind thoughts will be greatly appreciated

OP posts:

jumperoozles · 19/09/2023 13:30

Hang in there! I’m coming up to 12 weeks and had hyperemesis in this pregnancy. I’ve been in hospital for an IV 3 times. It is literal hell and you are a super star for going through it. Literally no one can understand just how miserable it is unless you go through it yourself. When did you start feeling better in your last pregnancy? I kept telling myself this WILL NOT last forever, I’ve got this, I will not let this defeat me. Massive hugs to you.

Soubriquet · 19/09/2023 13:34

I’m really sorry. It’s not an easy decision but you need to seriously think too.

You could terminate this pregnancy and try again but you could get HG again. HG is awful. I had it with my dd till 16 weeks and then it suddenly stopped. I didn’t have it with my ds but that doesn’t mean it will be the same for you.

You’ve made it 8 weeks. Do you feel you can continue or is it that bad you just can’t cope. If it’s the second one, then maybe yeah you’re doing the right thing

Pinklilly · 19/09/2023 13:38

@inquisitiveinga no one can tell you what to do but I just wanted to share you’re not alone. I’m 39 weeks with my second HG pregnancy and it’s been tough and although I still have nausea and vomit once a day it is better than it was at the start and I have to say the end of pregnancy is coming. My toddler also has had a lot of tv time and I’ve spent time in hospital, in bed and crying many weeks but I know it won’t last forever.

if you can get yourself in the mindset that each day you go through is one less day I find that helps me. I also found taking gaviscon helps with some of the nausea too.

be kind to yourself and whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck. Just remember it isn’t forever.

jumperoozles · 19/09/2023 13:38

Im so sorry just read your post through again and saw you have an appointment with BPAS. The decision you make will be the right one for you and your family, I didn’t mean any offence with my original post. Your pregnancy, your choice x

Original poster

inquisitiveinga · 19/09/2023 13:47

Thanks everyone, and don't worry- no offence caused. I don't feel like I've got the same head strong attitude I had with my first child- maybe it's because its so hard to adopt when there's already a dependant that needs love, care and attention.

I feel so selfish but I just want to be able to go on an enjoyable walk with my family etc but it's impossible. It's great to have this space to just air things out though, so thank you.

OP posts:

Mysleepisbroken · 19/09/2023 13:50

If you ever want a second child then it's probably worth trying to push through because you've already made it 20% of the way. If you tried again in a few months/years, you'd have to start at 0% again.

If it is likely to get a bit better later on, you might be 50 of the way through that.

Equally, I get that life is hell right now and you want/need a way out and you need to do what's right for you and your family.

EddieVeddersfoxymop · 19/09/2023 13:52

I did this and instantly regretted it. So tried again quickly and almost did it for a 2nd time as I was vomiting 30+ times a day. I went for a scan as I was bleeding too, and my DH cried at the scan as he didn't know if he was allowed to be excited because of how I was suffering physically and mentally. He didn't want me to end it but equally he was struggling seeing how ill I was.

That was the turning point and I tried to battle though it for him. I was hospitalised 6 times for HG and bleeding. I had a bit of respite at 20 weeks when my GP tried acupuncture and it worked. 6 weeks of bliss and then vomiting all day again. Giving birth was a relief .

Good luck whatever you decide.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 19/09/2023 13:53

I felt like this, too. Both times.

I've no advice, just offering solidarity.

It's fucking awful!

Original poster

inquisitiveinga · 19/09/2023 13:57

I think the gist I'm getting from you lovely heroic ladies is that HG really takes over the mind and often sends you down pathways of regret? It's just SO hard to think straight when you're being battered like this

OP posts:

Blabla81 · 19/09/2023 13:59

I know how you feel - I had it with both my girls - the second was the worst - the only respite each day was being unconscious. My eldest barely saw me functioning for months. I would have been relieved if the worst had happened (first trimester) as awful as that sounds and mine was a much longed for, last chance saloon IVF baby (they were both IVF with several rounds between both). They are 12 and 7 now and the thoughts I had now scare me, to think that she wouldn’t have existed.

Holdmysunhat · 19/09/2023 14:03

You poor, poor thing. I am in the throes of morning sickness - though not HG - and even that is taking my thoughts to dark places. Women with HG have to put up with an unimaginable amount.

There is a podcast episode on the ‘baby bump’ where a presenter terminates her second due to HG that might be worth a listen. It’s the episode on morning sickness with Dr Timmy. I hope you make a decision that’s right for you and either way, send you lots of good wishes.

DailySnail · 19/09/2023 14:10

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I'm a nurse who has worked at BPAS for years. We've had many women come through the doors specifically because of HG. You're not alone and you need to do what's best for you and your family. ❤️

Motherofalittledragon · 19/09/2023 14:11

I was like that until 18 weeks when it gradually started to ease off. I'd never felt so unwell in my entire life and couldn't see an end it sight. HE is brutal you have my sympathies.

Beadyeyes91 · 19/09/2023 14:12

At 4 weeks pregnant I fell down the stairs and fractured my ankle. At 7 weeks pregnant I developed hyperemisis and it lasted till 13 weeks and 2 days exactly. I tried 2 different anti sickness. The usual admission to hospital with fluids etc. People telling me I need to keep drinking for fluids and try small light meals. I remember sitting on the toilet at 9 weeks actively considering telling my partner I couldn't go on with the pregnancy. This was a very much wanted and longed for baby and I felt like such a failure. At 10 weeks I developed pregnancy related migraines so I had that to contend with too. It caused a severe decline in already fragile mental health and I do not underestimate how hard things are for you especially with another child to look after. I have no practical advice. Nothing worked for me. I literally just woke up at 13 weeks and 3 days and the feeling had passed. I'm 37 weeks now and due to meet our little guy via section in 15 days. Please take time for yourself. You are literally creating a human and that is not easy even with a simple pregnancy ❤️

loislovesstewie · 19/09/2023 14:12

I had all day all pregnancy 'morning' sickness twice.I lost weight in the first pregnancy , couldn't keep much down at all. The second was worse in that I just felt sick all the time, but I could eat. I think if you have it once any subsequent pregnancy will be similar.
I'm not giving you advice as only you can make any decision, it's now a dim and distant memory for me. Clearly I soldiered on as the second really was my last chance baby.

Motherofalittledragon · 19/09/2023 14:12

*HG sodding autocorrect

JustHereForThe · 19/09/2023 14:13

@inquisitiveinga I had HG in both my pregnancies. I won't give you details or tell how long it went on for as you don't need more of what you're already facing & I don't want to depress you. I also won't try & advise you on what to do.

What I will say though - just in case it helps - is that the experience sent me quite mad. At one stage with my second - having not slept for days on end due to the 24/7 vomiting & nausea - I honestly thought there were bats in my hair. I remember talking utter nonsense & I really didn't know what was going on half the time.

I remember in my slightly more lucid moments telling people that even if I got through this & got a baby at the end of it I'd still maintain my regret at having done it. At that stage I would have bet my house on the fact that I'd always feel like that. I look at DD who is now almost 11 & can't believe I thought that. I don't beat myself up - I know how bad I felt physically, & the guilt I felt at almost completely withdrawing from my DS who was 5 at the time. But I can't tell you how glad I am that I pushed through & got her here. I often think it's the strongest experience of extremes I've ever known - the sense in which I would have done anything for it to end right then, & the sense I've felt ever since which is that I'm so glad I didn't do anything to make it end. They're as strong as each other.

The prospect of me having a third was never ever on the agenda. I remember laying in hospital after she was born & all that went through my head was "never again, never again."

If this doesn't help, feel free to ignore me completely. Or throw something at the phone if that makes you feel better, I'll duck 😉 I just wanted you to know that the madness is understandable & real. But it doesn't last forever. PM if you want any support 🙂

Anonemouse1 · 19/09/2023 14:30

I’ve had HG for all four pregnancies. It’s awful and all consuming. Was offered a medical abortion on three of the pregnancies. I know it’s awful and lonely. Feels like punishment and solitary confinement. It also gets worse with each pregnancy. I held onto the fact it’s just a few months for years with a child. The fog of the illness impairs judgement too, please don’t rush hastily into something.

thecatsthecats · 19/09/2023 14:50

Reconsidering pregnancy is a normal part of HG. Mine was manageable on meds (by which I mean I ONLY threw up all day and lost weight, rather than being hospitalised). I'm still fairly certain I never want to do this again.

You're not mad or wrong to think this way, whatever you decide.

Rockschooldropout · 19/09/2023 14:56

I had HG in four pregnancies and with one I almost terminated .. it was that bad .. with my last three I couldn’t work for four months and spent all day in bed with a bucket .. I genuinely thought I’d just die .. somehow I managed to battle through but I do completely understand that feeling if just wanting it to be over

housemaus · 19/09/2023 15:04

My sister terminated a pregnancy with HG (having had a first pregnancy to term where the HG continued throughout and she ended up hospitalised a number of times) and says she doesn't regret it - she was so, so ill and was hoping it wouldn't be the same with the second. It's absolutely awful, you have my sympathies.

Wrongsideofpennines · 19/09/2023 15:19

I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful again.

Have you had some support from Pregnancy Sickness Support? I had a phone chat with someone when I was at my lowest and ended up with a peer supporter and WhatsApp chat. They were really good at talking through my options. They offer a specific HG counselling service too.

Lasagne345 · 19/09/2023 15:23

I completely understand what you are going through. I had HG with both of mine. I remember going to the 12 week scan thinking "please just let this decision be taken out of my hands because I don't want this pregnancy to continue" - sounds awful but it's true. Then one day it vanished and I was able to feel human again and slowly began to enjoy the rest of the journey

You do whatever feels right for you. As hard as it is right this moment, it will not last. That doesn't help when it's already gone on for weeks and everyday is a struggle, but just know it does get better x

LaRevolution · 19/09/2023 15:26

Good grief, what awful awful experiences. I really really sympathise, OP, and I hope you're able to move forward in the best way for you and your family x

Louoby · 19/09/2023 15:28

Please think of the bigger picture. This feeling won't last forever; there is an end in sight and the further along you come, the more manageable it will be. X

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