Was not allowed to enjoy my pregnancy because of my sister

[mammybird]

So my sister had been trying to conceive for about 6 months when I fell pregnant very quickly with my partner. For background my sister is a lovely person but very “glass half empty” and has always struggled to be happy for other people in my opinion.

I knew she wouldn’t be happy about my pregnancy so I wanted to tell her by text because it’s awful telling someone the happiest news of your life knowing they will not be happy for you. My mum and partner encouraged me to phone her and it couldn’t have gone worse. Truly the worst conversation I have ever had. From here she did not speak to me hardly until the end of my pregnancy.

On top of this, my family couldn’t have a conversation with me about my pregnancy without mentioning what a shame it was that she hadn’t gotten pregnant first, like as if I had taken something from her. If I could have wished her a baby I would have.

Worse again, about halfway through my pregnancy we had a family holiday and I was made to feel like I couldn’t talk about it in front of her and nobody asked how I was or how things were going. I felt like I had done something wrong just because our journeys hadn’t been the same.

When my beautiful baby was born, and my sister loved her niece, my mum said several times “well isn’t it good that she loves the baby”

Bringing us up to now, my sister is pregnant, via IVF, and I’m delighted for her, but it’s really hurting me how much she is asking me questions, sharing bump updates and giving me a day by day of her pregnancy when she wouldn’t even speak to me during mine. She’s coming to visit in a few weeks and I really don’t want to see her.

I love her and I don’t want to upset her while she is pregnant or impact her enjoyment of this special time in any way, but I feel like maybe I should discuss how this has made me feel with my parents? My other sister has actually apologised for how everyone was with me.

I feel really hurt but I know that nothing can be done to change it so is there any value in raising it now?

I’d talk to your sister. The ones handling things poorly were your parents really and I think there were conversations they must have had behind your back for there to have been such a conspiracy of silence. For all you know they might have told your sister to not talk about your pregnancy or that you didn’t want to be contacted about your pregnancy. I’d try and unravel things so you can get some answers.

Trying unsuccessfully for a baby for 6 months is not infertility FGS
Who even tells people after six months? A year, then maybe.
Your family pandering to her drama tells me that the conversation with your parents may not go well. Have you ever seen your parents reflect on their behaviour and apologise?
i feel sorry for you - sharing your excitement with the people who are going to become grandparents aunties uncles etc is really lovely. A new family member is arriving! It’s horrible that that was taken away from you,but you might be better off trying to put it behind you and enjoy your little baby 😊 Unless you think your parents will reflect on it and acknowledge your feelings. If not you may be in for more hurt and your feelings dismissed

I’ll never understand why the feelings of one struggling to conceive should trump the feelings of everyone else. You sound like you could use some empathy too—it goes both ways.

Quite. There is a weird arrogance that comes with infertility, among some posters here.

I don't think it's an arrogance, it's quite simple really. If someone is in a bad position, and something else could make it worse, people will generally be considerate to that and try to avoid it to an extent.

Whilst pregnancy comes with it's own struggles it's usually a positive thing overall for the pregnant person. There are no positives to struggling to conceive.

If your sister was desperately searching for a job for months on end with no avail, and you stumbled upon the best job of your life quickly without struggle, it might seem insensitive to celebrate that in front of your sister and frequently make in the topic of discussion. It doesn't mean what you have isn't worth celebrating, it's just that to do so could be difficult for someone else 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn't mention it. It's crap especially from your parents but no good will come of telling them they were mean.

Enjoy your baby and put it behind you. People sometimes let us down. Nothing can really be done to reclaim that time.