MIL over sharing

[redxlondon]

MIL announced at dinner yesterday she’s been telling extended friends and family about my
uterine anomaly. I had no words and a face expression that she didn’t even register…. how do I play this….?

Personally I’d have shut that down immediately. But either you or your partner need to speak to her asap and tell her that is not appropriate, also be refraining from sharing too much with her

Wow! Shocking indiscretion on her part.

I would never tell my MIL anything médical as she would use it against me.

I really think you need to give it to her without restraint. Some people don’t do subtle. Don’t worry that the moment has passed. Call her so she can hear your shock and anger.

Mine did this when I was pregnant the first time. We didn’t tell her all that much anyway as we knew she was a gossip but had told her of an issue they’d found at one of the scans and I was being sent for a repeat scan. I didn’t tell anyone other than our parents about this as you’re obviously very nervous anyway and don’t want to have to try and make it sound okay in case it’s not. I was speaking to a friend I only see about once per year who works in the local supermarket and she casually mentioned that my MIL had been in telling her about my scan and only realised half way through the conversation that she was friends with me 😑 So she had obviously told literally everyone.

Second time round I haven’t told her a thing. She repeatedly asks if ‘everything is okay’ and I just keep giving the most vague answers ever

She's breached your trust massively and your DH needs to tell her that this is not acceptable.

Also agree that it should be the last time you share any information like this with her. It's sad that you can't have a close relationship with her but a "fine thanks" every single time and change the subject.

Thanks all, has helped validate how I feel about this. The thought of calling her stresses me out. I drafted a text messaged but husband says it’s too direct and to leave it a few days. So now I’m debating whether to send it, or I think it might be better to discuss in person when I see her next. Then can talk about it rather than have her potentially take a text the wrong way.

Don't do either. DH needs to tell his Mum that it's not on and how upset you both are.

He says he will but wants to give it some time … I think because of how he knows she’ll react.

How much time is he suggesting?

I’d ask your husband why he’s more concerned about his mother’s feelings than yours, for starters.

And I’d flat out tell him she gets no more of your personal medical information. Everything is ‘fine’ from now on. She’s proven she can’t be trusted, so adjust accordingly.

I’d ask your husband why he’s more concerned about his mother’s feelings than yours, for starters

I would tend to agree with this. She needs to be told and he needs to step up.

If I were you I wouldn’t tell her anything else about your pregnancy/ antenatal care or birth planning.

She doesn’t need to know when you’ve got midwife appointments, etc. I don’t share any of that stuff with my MIL. She’s a tricky character and I don’t trust her, so I don’t give her more information than she needs.

With my own MIL, there would be no point talking to her because of how she is. I would use it as a learning point and not make the same mistake again.

I would be also asking your dh why he’s
more worried about his mum than you, then id send the text. It needs to be direct so she understands that’s she’s massively breached your trust. She then needs to apologise.

This is why MIL doesn't know anything about us. What a horrible situation. I'd call her out and never tell her anything again

A few more days…

That’s not the case, he’s just trying to keep the peace because of how explosive she can be I guess

I don’t talk to her, but it’s hard to ask my husband to stop communicating anything to her I guess. But I can ask him to keep it to essentials only, and nothing about me.

What do you mean? Why had we told them we were pregnant? We didn’t, she did. Extended family includes aunts/uncles

That’s what this post is about, I didn’t want anyone knowing but MIL shared it.

How on earth did she find out. Am I missing a bit, did you tell her? Did your husband,? If so why on earth did he share your private medical information?

If it was him he needs to sort immediately and to not disclose any private information.

He shared it, but in the context of it being his mother and I had asked him to make sure she wasn’t going to be getting all over excited and messaging lots, because I know what she’s like and I have a long road ahead. So it’s fine that he shared it as important for close family, and my close friends I choose to tell, to know this isn’t straightforward. So I have the right support… which from her I don’t.

I would tell dh he has your back here or he won't be at any more hospital appointments.. Your pregnancy is your purvate businesses. He is a twat. Maybe remind him who he made vows to...

So let her explode..
Then you tell her that behaviour won't be tolerated and if she wants a relationship with your family she will pack it in fast.

If she carreos on block her.
Dotn let your husbands weakness for his mother cause you problems.

With the greatest of respect, if you knew what she was like what did you expect to happen?

Past behaviour is a good indication of future. Sorry she added stress to your life.