Page 3 | MIL over sharing

redxlondon · 2023-08-05T06:21:11+00:00

MIL announced at dinner yesterday she’s been telling extended friends and family about my uterine anomaly. I had no words and a face expression that she didn’t even register…. how do I play this….?

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DinoRoar14 · 06/08/2023 15:01

redxlondon · 06/08/2023 14:43

Either way, not sure why the baby was being brought into it. Just feel that some of the responses are eager for confrontation, and from my original post that’s exactly what I want to avoid

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Because the post is basically about the baby and of course its going to matter and be discussed when talking about wider issues.

Fitflop5 · 06/08/2023 15:16

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neilyoungismyhero · 06/08/2023 15:18

redxlondon · 06/08/2023 08:54

A few more days…

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A few more days? She'll have broadcast it even further by then.

Fitflop5 · 06/08/2023 15:29

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WoolyMammoth55 · 06/08/2023 15:47

redxlondon · 06/08/2023 11:37

Sorry meant to say “difficult for him” and “the” — first tri tiredness!

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Hi OP, congratulations on the pregnancy! Sorry about your tricky MIL.

You are still first tri? Me and DH hadn't even told my difficult MIL before the 12 week scan...

I really feel like you and DH might have been better to get some ground rules in place between you, that you could have shared with MIL, before you told her.

Since you didn't it's your first job to agree these rules now. Our rules:
DH told her nothing (except "fine, thanks") without us both agreeing it.
As a rule of thumb we told her nothing - unless we felt she needed to know to support DH.
She was aware that we expected her to respect medical privacy and not gossip (she pushed back hard on this saying it was 'her right to access support from her friends and family'...
But then, she also called my DH during labour saying she was furious with him for not updating her and she hoped we were happy that the anxiety of no progress updates had given her a panic attack! This was on a voicemail because his phone was on silent WHILE I WAS GIVING BIRTH...)

This is a relationship that you are going to have to work as a team to make work for your family.

Oversharing and lack of rules so far has you stressed out during your high risk first tri - so nip this in the bud now and don't have any repeats of this!

Wish you best of luck with MIL and everything!

Fitflop5 · 06/08/2023 15:51

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Original poster

redxlondon · 06/08/2023 16:41

WoolyMammoth55 · 06/08/2023 15:47

Hi OP, congratulations on the pregnancy! Sorry about your tricky MIL.

You are still first tri? Me and DH hadn't even told my difficult MIL before the 12 week scan...

I really feel like you and DH might have been better to get some ground rules in place between you, that you could have shared with MIL, before you told her.

Since you didn't it's your first job to agree these rules now. Our rules:
DH told her nothing (except "fine, thanks") without us both agreeing it.
As a rule of thumb we told her nothing - unless we felt she needed to know to support DH.
She was aware that we expected her to respect medical privacy and not gossip (she pushed back hard on this saying it was 'her right to access support from her friends and family'...
But then, she also called my DH during labour saying she was furious with him for not updating her and she hoped we were happy that the anxiety of no progress updates had given her a panic attack! This was on a voicemail because his phone was on silent WHILE I WAS GIVING BIRTH...)

This is a relationship that you are going to have to work as a team to make work for your family.

Oversharing and lack of rules so far has you stressed out during your high risk first tri - so nip this in the bud now and don't have any repeats of this!

Wish you best of luck with MIL and everything!

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Wow that is unbelievable, I’m so sorry you’ve experienced that. I honestly, naively, didn’t think we’d need ground rules. And I asked husband to make sure she was aware of risks - exactly to keep it all quiet and private. It sounds like she would react exactly like your MIL. In fact, I can already picture it…based on how she’s quoted her grandmother rights constantly with her daughter. It’s done now, we can’t get her to take back what she did. But we can make sure we don’t share anything further with her. Even if it means putting her straight to voicemail…. I still can’t believe that of your MIL, how selfish!!!

OP posts:

ChubbyMorticia · 06/08/2023 20:41

redxlondon · 06/08/2023 16:41

Wow that is unbelievable, I’m so sorry you’ve experienced that. I honestly, naively, didn’t think we’d need ground rules. And I asked husband to make sure she was aware of risks - exactly to keep it all quiet and private. It sounds like she would react exactly like your MIL. In fact, I can already picture it…based on how she’s quoted her grandmother rights constantly with her daughter. It’s done now, we can’t get her to take back what she did. But we can make sure we don’t share anything further with her. Even if it means putting her straight to voicemail…. I still can’t believe that of your MIL, how selfish!!!

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My MIL demanded to be notified when I was in labour. She lived in another time zone and wanted to pray for me.

She was NEVER told. We knew damn good and well she’d be harassing the hospital switchboard for details. My husband wouldn’t even give her his cell number, ever, because she was so terrible about calling incessantly, multiple times a day. The woman managed to figure out where I worked, before we were married and would call me, to the point I got in trouble from my boss, despite me telling MIL, “I’m at work, can’t talk, don’t call again, bye.” The receptionist complained about her calling.