MIL over sharing

[redxlondon]

MIL announced at dinner yesterday she’s been telling extended friends and family about my
uterine anomaly. I had no words and a face expression that she didn’t even register…. how do I play this….?

In your situation I'd give both barrels to my husband for thinking it's appropriate to share his wife's confidential medical history with his mother. Especially a mother who's got form for being indiscreet.

Let her explode. Stop tiptoeing around her and the issue. You don’t need your husband’s permission to tell her how you feel. I would probably stop sharing my private medical information with him if he can’t keep his mouth shut or be stop being so insensitive.

I feel for you op. Mine told all of her friends about my high blood pressure, extra monitoring, plans for induction. I didn’t know until a christmas gathering when all these older women I’d never met before were asking medically questions about my pregnancy. What’s worse is that mil is a retired doctor and should know better! No advice, just a handhold!

My MIL was like this, telling her friends about my miscarriage, one even came up to me .. at a party ... and told me 'MIL said not to tell you she'd told us about your miscarriages but I just wanted to wish you well with TTC' ... I couldn't believe it ... and MIL is a f'ing doctor so should bloody know better

Wow okay that’s too far. I’ve given very limited information here, and the focus is more on mother in law sharing. You have no context on what he has gone through with her for why he may want to take a few extra days. That is incredibly hurtful and harsh, and can only assume you’re also making some assumptions here.

Your DH absolutely is putting her before you in this situation because he doesn't want her to "explode" rather than speaking to her about how she has made you feel.

If it was me, I absolutely would send a text to MIL, including DH and say that you don't appreciate her discussing your medical issues with anyone else. And going forward, you won't discuss anything further.
There's no way I'd be waiting until DH thinks it's an appropriate time. It's you she has hurt without thinking.

@Fitflop5 I think you have misread the OP, the MIL told extended family, not the OP

I wanted him to talk to her in context of her not getting on top of me with excitement, so he had permission to share it’s a high risk pregnancy.

That’s terrible, horrible situation to put you in.
thsnk you for the kind words.

Thank you, thinking I will sending something today, if anything just to help get it off my mind. I was okay yesterday but really dwelling on it today.

This is defo I rely going to be my approach, and need husband to do the same. One word responses from now on.

And yet he just keeps taking it.
You have no idea the hell this could end up putting you through.
It's better to force his hand now before the baby comes then let him be weak and start throwing the baby under the bus as well.

No one is killing tue baby 🙄
I’ll have a chat with him today when we go for a walk. We’re a team…it’s not me versus him on this so I’ll support him in something difficult for me the same way he’ll support me with her.

Sorry meant to say “difficult for him” and “the” — first tri tiredness!

What difference will a few days make? He's just delaying it.

I feel for you OP. Your feelings are absolutely justified and your DH need to supporting YOU- not bowing down to appease mummy!

Just before we TTC, MIL shared private pregnancy info about another relative. When I pulled her up about it- she said she had a right to tell anyone, anything and no one should keep secrets!

That was 15yrs ago, and from that day- I never disclosed anything personal I didn't want the entire family to know about. She has no idea that we TTC for 13yrs, lost 3 and had multiple rounds of IVF. None of her business' and her loss.

Speak to your DH and agree what YOU would want disclosed- and assume it will be gossiped about by the entire family! I hope the pregnancy goes well x

You do know that's an expression right?

Some of us have been where you are.

He's not stood up to her after years of hell on his own.
Just make sure you don't bend

And also discuss the future.
What is her relationship with the baby going to look like and does he understand that boundaries are enforced regardless of her tantrums

It's just a turn of phrase OP, we know no-one's killing the baby!

Thank you, great advice.

OP this is why we've been deliberately vague with MIL, DH specifically said we would be vague, as she has previous for over sharing - with my SIL she counted back the weeks to check where baby had potentially been conceived 😳!!!!!

Had a recent ding dong with DM as she couldn't understand why we wouldn't be actively telling people that our baby would be CS delivery (baby is breech) 🤦‍♀️ quickly shut her down and retorted with 'well if they were an assisted vaginal delivery that detail wouldn't be mentioned' 🤷‍♀️

My Mom is one that shares without thinking. In fact, a few days ago I walked in on her telling a friend of mine “Alice doesn’t like it when I tell people personal things but….”

She will not change, I’m finally absolutely convinced. We are 50 and 80. It’s been a lifelong area of contention. I can and have had many conversations with her, but I just give up.

I suggest you simply limit what your MIL knows going forward to things you don’t mind her repeating. You can tell her or have your DH tell her but it’s only going to create drama and pain you don’t need right now. It’s sad, but people without boundaries don’t suddenly grow them because someone else points it out.

Or it’s relating to ASD and not understanding use of metaphors. 👀

Do some people on here just come for the drama?! Thankfully 95% of this forum seems lovely and super helpful.

I'm Asd too but I've managed to realise that most people don't take things as literally as me and when I hear a strange (to me) turn of phrase I stop and think for a while before responding.

Either way, not sure why the baby was being brought into it. Just feel that some of the responses are eager for confrontation, and from my original post that’s exactly what I want to avoid