Is it bad to not want to breastfeed ?

[Mrswang]

Hiya everyone I'm new on here so bare with me lol . Basically I'm pregnant with baby number 5 I tried breastfeeding with my 2nd,3rd and fourth children ( I didn't try with my first ) and I failed it just didn't work out , after the experience I had with my fourth it's put me off trying this time but Is it bad of me because I've been called selfish for not even wanting to try.

You're a very experienced mother! Do whatever you think is best, with a clear conscience.

You know the facts about breastfeeding. You're free to make your own decisions. 'Selfish' is bollocks, who has the right to judge you?

Absolutely not! If bottle feeding your baby puts you in a better head space and means baby is fed and happy, there should be no question over it. A fed baby is best ultimately regardless of how they are fed. Don't let anyone pressure you into something you don't want to do.

Has the person calling you selfish got 4 kids already, at least three of whom breastfeeding didn’t work with?
Do what you feel is best for you and your baby. I’d say your an expert on your own experience of the postpartum period by your 5th child!

No.

IMO I’d far rather people were upfront and just said they didn’t want to.

i also think it would actually increase bf rates.

when I was bf other mums would tell me their tales of why they couldn’t/didn’t breast feed. A lot of it was lack of support or knowledge, or the expectation that they should try- and needed a “reason” to stop.

i’d nod along of course, but part of me would be thinking this is why people don’t bf. I was being told you can’t bf a baby more than 9lbs, boys cans be “hungry” and need more than bm, cluster feeding at night meant they had no milk, sucking hands meant there was no milk, they couldn’t tell how much the baby was getting, they weren’t sleeping through at 6 weeks so there was no milk…

like I said, a lot was basic need for someone to point out what they were experiencing was normal.

but a lot of mums might have listened any though well my baby isn’t sleeping through, maybe I don’t have enough milk, and consider giving up.

bf is hard. If you don’t want to do it, for whatever reason, don’t. But no one should have to justify to anyone either. Especially when you’re passing on incorrect information to other mums, however well meaning.

Not at all, I've breast fed two babies and my partner wants another. I've told him if we go for it I wouldn't bf again. Just a suggestion- You could hand express your colostrum from 37 weeks and store in syringes so baby has the colostrum to line the gut and then move onto formula on day 3 when your milk comes in- again just a suggestion and if you went straight to formula that would also be absolutely fine 👍🏻

Not at all.

Absolutely not. I'm expecting my first and just know (and always have really) that I don't want to breast feed. There are some reasons to go with why I don't want to, but really it's just never been a deep need that I've wanted to fulfil, so I'm just not.

People will judge you no matter what you do. Bf is so uncommon where I live. I bf my first two and everyone around me kept telling me I should stop, babies where to attached to me, I was making life harder for myself, baby would never stop. Honestly I couldn't believe all the backlash I got, a doctor laughed at me when I got mastitis, saying you actually bf ! Do whatever is right for you, breastfeeding is hard especially in those first couple of months, I'm choosing not to breastfeed my third because I found it very hard on my mental health and honestly I don't care about anyone's opinions on it, your baby your choice.

YANBU. I am pregnant with my 2nd. My first attempt at breastfeeding was such a disaster that i’ve also made a decision not to bother trying this time. Especially as I’ll be needing a section. The most i’ll try and do is express some colostrum, but I even struggled to get enough of that last time. Definitely do what is best for you.

You are definitely not unreasonable. I never wanted to and I didn’t. No explanation needed. It’s your baby and your body do what is best for you both.

I don’t think you’re selfish OP. I would always encourage any mother to maybe try for first feed to be BF to get that Colostrum into the baby. However, it’s your decision and honestly now you’re expecting baby number 5 you are well experienced in how much judgement and criticism is directed towards mothers.

Apparently I give up all rights to my body when it comes to the baby for 9 months as obviously we do What's best during pregnancy like attending appointments, not smoking ( if you smoke ) so apparently that goes for breastfeeding plus bottle feeding is "lazy" apparently.

Thank you this is what my husband says to

I did colostrum with my fourth I did through a syringe which I'm.open to doing again .

I did the colostrum with my fourth just as you said but I couldn't get much out and because he wouldn't latch onto me at all at home and was distressed because he was hungry ( not sure why he wouldn't latch when he was so obviously starving) I went through all the colostrum on the first night .

I should say as well I'm not Bashing breastfeeding in any way ( like I've been accused of before 😂) I have a huge respect for those mam's who breastfeed .

Apparently those who think I'm not as good a mother as them .

do what you want you have a lot of experience and you’ve gotta be fully in to succeed at BF which I think is the reason I stoped so early with my 1st I had the attitude of see how it goes but second time I was adamant i wanted to BF.

you are not selfish you are doing what’s right for you and your family. Who is it that’s called you lazy? You got 5 kids you’re defo not lazy 🤣🤣

I am BF number 3 and am so pro BF.
Bottle feeding is not the lazy way. During the night I pop baby onto the boob and we both go back to sleep. I am way to lazy to go sort out a bottle or clean and sterilise bottles.

You are definitely not bashing BF. You gave it a try in the past. You will be busier than ever now on DC5.

I was the one saying at my first appointment nope BF is not for me. I simply can't imagine doing it. I can be assertive when need to be so anyone who was rude enough to question it (MIL) were politely told not their business. And unless they owned the breasts they get no say. EXDH - was of the opinion my body my choice.

I support all women in their choice and believe there should be significant resourcing to supporting mothers who wish to breast feed - that should be a bare minimum.

I support all women in their choice and believe there should be significant resourcing to supporting mothers who wish to breast feed - that should be a bare minimum

yep- if they focussed those resources on supporting those who want to bf, and stopped spending time and money insisting everyone should bf, even if they don’t want to- they’d probably end up increasing bf rates.

No that's a good point actually.

Either way, selfishness doesn’t come into it. If someone makes an informed choice to formula feed that is no one else’s business.

If someone decides to formula feed because they feel trying and ‘failing’ to breastfeed feels so much worse than just deciding to formula feed then to me that is different, it isn’t really a choice. I am in that boat at the moment where I’m desperate to breastfeed but actually a bit scared to! But I’m definitely going to try