Page 2 | Is it bad to not want to breastfeed ?

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Riverbananacarrot · 05/07/2023 09:51

Nope not at all. You do what is right for you and your baby and family. I have 1 child I didn't want to breastfeed didn't try and was confident in my decision. ( Ultimately was the right decision as 4 months later was diagnosed with skin cancer and needed chemo so would have had the stress of moving from breast to bottle.
I fully support mums who want to breastfeed and mums who want to bottle and mums who want to do both.

Shopper727 · 05/07/2023 09:55

I’ve got 4 children, I managed to feed 2 myself and 2 were bottle fed. I did what worked at the time. The bf journeys were a bit of a nightmare to begin with and you do feel like they are always on you. I wouldn’t change it now but I also would not allow anyone to be negative about my choices for my body and my babies. My 4 boys are all big healthy lads and despite feeding them differently you would not know who was bottle or breast fed.

congrats on baby no5 op. Do what suits you, what makes you feel happy with your baby, you could syringe colostrum or give it a go but have formula and bottles as a back up if it just doesn’t happen for you, all of mine had tongue ties so I think 1 couldn’t because of that and no3 was in nicu and they were v unsupportive with helping me feed myself. He was a high needs baby so formula suited better. I have no guilt or issues with how I fed them. I did what was best at the time.

Seriously79 · 05/07/2023 10:02

As long as your baby is fed, it doesn't matter if it's bottle of breast x

35965a · 05/07/2023 10:03

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to breastfeed. You don’t need to discuss your choice of feeding your children with anyone else, but surely since you have several children you know that? Who cares what anyone else thinks!

Lastusernamecantthinkofanotherone · 05/07/2023 10:30

Giltedged · 05/07/2023 09:50

Either way, selfishness doesn’t come into it. If someone makes an informed choice to formula feed that is no one else’s business.

If someone decides to formula feed because they feel trying and ‘failing’ to breastfeed feels so much worse than just deciding to formula feed then to me that is different, it isn’t really a choice. I am in that boat at the moment where I’m desperate to breastfeed but actually a bit scared to! But I’m definitely going to try

I think you need to go into it knowing it’s hard, relentless at the start, it’s practically impossible to get decent advice, and hcp are too overstretched to help and will just suggest you give a bottle, or some overcomplicated, useless routine of pumping, expressing and feeding.

read kellymom to get an idea of what’s normal, and be prepared to feed, feed, and feed some more.

if at any point you feel it’s too hard, that isn’t “failing”, it’s deciding that formula is a better option in your circumstance. Simple as that.

JoyApple · 05/07/2023 11:03

No, not at all.

There are many reasons why women decide to bottle feed, and it's never a quick easy decision. The science also doesn't support breast is always best, breast is best only when it works for all involved. I would recommend reading this book, it provides a balanced view and reviews the research too:

www.amazon.co.uk/Guilt-Free-Bottle-Feeding-formula-fed-healthy/dp/1908281774/

youwerentthere · 05/07/2023 11:28

You would be so lazy not to breastfeed

And also so selfish to breastfeed

The great thing about a situation where you can't win is that you can just do what you want!

Giltedged · 05/07/2023 11:30

@Lastusernamecantthinkofanotherone trust me I know. I’ve had a thread about this recently and there were lots of well meaning comments like yours. Hard is one thing. Lots of us can do hard. But I couldn’t actually do it, I didn’t really get to the point where it was hard! I expressed - now THAT is hard!

RiseYpres · 05/07/2023 11:36

i wish i had never tried with my first. My milk never came in properly. I recall once sitting in front of the tv for over an hour pumping away and got only a few drops out. It just did not work. I got so upset about it that I would literally start to shake with nerves when trying.

Baby was fed with formula.

second baby did not even try. Much happier experience all round.

RunnyPaint · 05/07/2023 12:18

Anything you can do to minimise your stress levels will be the best thing for your entire family. That may include ignoring anyone who tries to make you feel guilty!

Zimunya · 05/07/2023 12:28

K37529 · 05/07/2023 09:13

People will judge you no matter what you do. Bf is so uncommon where I live. I bf my first two and everyone around me kept telling me I should stop, babies where to attached to me, I was making life harder for myself, baby would never stop. Honestly I couldn't believe all the backlash I got, a doctor laughed at me when I got mastitis, saying you actually bf ! Do whatever is right for you, breastfeeding is hard especially in those first couple of months, I'm choosing not to breastfeed my third because I found it very hard on my mental health and honestly I don't care about anyone's opinions on it, your baby your choice.

Yikes! So sorry for your experience, K37529. And good for you for carrying with no support.

OP - do what works for you. You're the mum, you make the choices.

sarahc336 · 05/07/2023 12:41

Absolutely fine op, your body so your choice 😊😊

allgoodthings84 · 05/07/2023 16:02

I’m not this time round. I had trouble last time and put way too much pressure on myself to not give up that I ended up with depression which ruined those early days. I don’t want to put that pressure on myself this time so not going to. It was one of the main reasons I didn’t have another baby for 8 years.

FictionalCharacter · 05/07/2023 16:38

Mrswang · 05/07/2023 09:28

Apparently I give up all rights to my body when it comes to the baby for 9 months as obviously we do What's best during pregnancy like attending appointments, not smoking ( if you smoke ) so apparently that goes for breastfeeding plus bottle feeding is "lazy" apparently.

Stop listening to the absolute planks who are saying this.
The constant washing and sterilising bottles and making up feeds is far from laziness in any case.
You might need to walk away from these people quite often after the baby’s born, because they’ll probably witter on and on about it. And if they ask you if they can give the baby a bottle so they can “bond” with him or “give you a break” or something, tell them to get lost no, absolutely not, not after they tried to guilt trip you over bottle feeding.

bumblebee2235 · 05/07/2023 16:43

Mrswang · 05/07/2023 08:50

Hiya everyone I'm new on here so bare with me lol . Basically I'm pregnant with baby number 5 I tried breastfeeding with my 2nd,3rd and fourth children ( I didn't try with my first ) and I failed it just didn't work out , after the experience I had with my fourth it's put me off trying this time but Is it bad of me because I've been called selfish for not even wanting to try.

Honestly I found breastfeeding horrendous 😭 turned out my baby was allergic to my milk... I spent over 3 months persevering because everyone told me it was the best thing I could do and how I should keep trying UGH I never slept.. up every hour to the point I was throwing up and passing out from exhaustion. The more I persevered the worse my baby got. I HATED it. Never felt so stressed in my life!

When I hopefully have my second I really don't want to even have to try it again 😬😬😬

I completely feel for you and it's so impressive to me that even though you say it didn't work out, you have tried 3 times.. I don't think I have it on me to attempt it again. You are no way selfish.. I think people who find it easy and baby takes to it just can't understand that it's not like that for every mother.

FarTooHotForMe · 05/07/2023 16:45

I successfully breastfed my second baby but didn’t want to even try with my third. I stood my ground, explained this to the midwives and didn’t give it another thought. It’s your body and your decision OP.

bumblebee2235 · 05/07/2023 16:46

RiseYpres · 05/07/2023 11:36

i wish i had never tried with my first. My milk never came in properly. I recall once sitting in front of the tv for over an hour pumping away and got only a few drops out. It just did not work. I got so upset about it that I would literally start to shake with nerves when trying.

Baby was fed with formula.

second baby did not even try. Much happier experience all round.

I felt this!!! I felt so pressured to do it, every feed I would be filled with dread 😭 I would be trying to feed her sobbing and tears running down my cheeks 😅

Original poster

Mrswang · 08/07/2023 18:17

Thank you everyone for making me feel so.myvy better , I definitely think a fed baby is a happy one . And that's all I want x

OP posts:

Pearlhavingherfifth · 08/07/2023 19:05

Hello!
It is absolutely your choice,how you feeding your baby!
You cannot be selfish,if you are pregnant with 5. Baby...
I have myself 5 children,and breastfed in the last 10 years constantly....(always got pregnant while breastfeeding..)
But the beginning with new baby always was different.My first, second and third were latched straight away,but with fourth baby i had to try him to latch on for 1 and half hour.Its very important if someone would like to breasfeed the baby has to give the breast him or her immediately after birth,in the first 30 minutes.After you can shower and dress the baby up,but dont let those gold hours go away without putting the baby on breast and make sure the baby is latching on and you can feel the sucking.
Sorry,maybe you know this,but it maybe helps for someone else as well.
I wish you all the best with your fifth pregnancy!

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 08/07/2023 19:09

No I just had third and final baby and I never attempted breast feeding, straight to bottle from birth. Failed miserably with my first two and put so much pressure on myself. I wasn't going down that route again.

Do what you think is best xxx

Original poster

Mrswang · 08/07/2023 22:43

Pearlhavingherfifth · 08/07/2023 19:05

Hello!
It is absolutely your choice,how you feeding your baby!
You cannot be selfish,if you are pregnant with 5. Baby...
I have myself 5 children,and breastfed in the last 10 years constantly....(always got pregnant while breastfeeding..)
But the beginning with new baby always was different.My first, second and third were latched straight away,but with fourth baby i had to try him to latch on for 1 and half hour.Its very important if someone would like to breasfeed the baby has to give the breast him or her immediately after birth,in the first 30 minutes.After you can shower and dress the baby up,but dont let those gold hours go away without putting the baby on breast and make sure the baby is latching on and you can feel the sucking.
Sorry,maybe you know this,but it maybe helps for someone else as well.
I wish you all the best with your fifth pregnancy!

Hi yes I had read about it but was always told that there was no rush to get them latched etc , I have respect for those who breastfeed because I tried and failed three times it's not easy.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mrswang · 08/07/2023 22:45

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 08/07/2023 19:09

No I just had third and final baby and I never attempted breast feeding, straight to bottle from birth. Failed miserably with my first two and put so much pressure on myself. I wasn't going down that route again.

Do what you think is best xxx

Thank you , I'm feeling more comfortable with bottle feeding if I'm honest based on my breastfeeding experiences the last three times when i tried .

OP posts:

themummylife · 08/07/2023 22:55

You’re not selfish at all. Please ignore the people who say that, they are completely wrong. Bottle feeding isn’t lazy and doesn’t make you a worse mother than mums who breastfeed. I’m tandem feeding my 5 month old and 2 year old and I can’t fathom thinking that makes me a better mum than someone who is bottle feeding!. I have a lot of respect for women for doing what they feel is best for them. You do what is best for you, it’s no one else’s business.

Honestlyy · 09/07/2023 09:41

I suppose it is a bit selfish not to even do it for a short time, but we make decisions all the time in parenting that benefit us rather than our kids! Not point in doing it, if you'll absolutely loathe it.

MariaVT65 · 09/07/2023 10:01

Honestlyy · 09/07/2023 09:41

I suppose it is a bit selfish not to even do it for a short time, but we make decisions all the time in parenting that benefit us rather than our kids! Not point in doing it, if you'll absolutely loathe it.

Please don’t listen to this post OP, it’s absolutely ridiculous.

PP clearly has no consideration for the previous experiences women have, the situations are they are in, and the lack of support.

I support your decision 100% and will be doing the same with my second child, due to my previous experience. If I can, i’ll get some colostrum, but I even couldn’t produce enough of that last time.