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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Should we find out the sex of our baby?

55 replies

dancerandprancer · 20/02/2008 17:23

Expecting baby number 2. We did not find out with our DD but are toying with the idea of finding out this time. Our reasons are 1- to help with name as DH and I are struggling with names and 2- to buy boys things if needed as we have mostly girly things. Do these reasons sound a bit petty, as friend of mine said so recently?

OP posts:

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Set a reminder

LadyOfWaffle · 20/02/2008 17:25

IMO, no. I found out last time and 1) they got it wrong and 2) the idea of it being a suprise this time is really nice - I can't wait to find out "on the day". But, obviously up to you!

MiMao · 20/02/2008 17:27

Surprise is nicer and more fun.

Names can wait and bed colours and clothes can be neutral or just wait until he/she comes along, you don't need to have it all straight away.

sophiewd · 20/02/2008 17:28

We were in the same position as you, lots of girls clothes and a name for a girl, found out it is a boy last week, so getting organised now

carmenelectra · 20/02/2008 17:28

I found out both times and dont regret it for a second!

I loved knowing and was stil so excited. You can still never imagine what they will look like!

PortAndLemon · 20/02/2008 17:29

I did and am happy we did. Partly it was just insatiable curiosity, partly I didn't want the sonographer knowing if I didn't, and partly it was practical -- with DS we'd been having terrible trouble thinking of boys' names and it was useful to know that we really did have to knuckle down and think of one. I don't think it's petty at all. It should be down to what you want to do (either way), not worrying about whether your reasons for what you want to do are "good enough" in the eyes of other people.

Louandben · 20/02/2008 17:35

I am expecting no2 in June and not finding out - DH compares it to being a child that peeks in the wardrobe before xmas to find out what presents they have, thereby spoiling xmas day for themselves . He loves the part where he gets to phone people up after the birth and make the grand announcement of boy/girl etc and I can sort of understand that there is some excitement missing from that if you and everyone else already knew what was coming.

As for your reasons - yes, bit flimsy - buying girly things before the birth really isnt essential and you will be deluged very quickly with pink stuff if you do have a girl. Names also a little flimsy as a reason imho. Finally - imagine if they got it wrong as with MiMao - weird getting your head around unexpected boy/girl, even more so for your DS! Having said all that, if you really want to know, only you can decide.

Louandben · 20/02/2008 17:36

oops sorry - meant Lady of Waffle, not MiMao

MrsTittleMouse · 20/02/2008 17:36

Not petty at all, it's your choice!
With DD (and I have said this before, so apologies if you've heard this before) I was so exhausted when she was born that I really wouldn't have appreciated finding out her gender. There would have been no wonderful "oh wow, it's a girl" because I didn't care if she was an aardvark, as long as she was out and OK. When we found out at 20 weeks, however, it was lovely and we could really enjoy it, and we felt more connected to her somehow.

All the people who say that you're spoiling the surprise - is meeting the baby not a wonderful surprise anyway???

(strong feelings about this as we had a lot of friends that strongly disapproved when we found out and told everyone - don't mind if others don't want to find out, just wish they hadn't imposed their views on us!)

treacletart · 20/02/2008 17:37

We didn't find out for no1 (ds) either - but did for no2 for very similar reasons to yourself also I thought it might help DS to know in advance in case he had a preference - but in the event like us he was very unconcerned either way. We got them not to tell us at the hospital, but to write it down on a little card for us and put it in an envelope. Dh and I then went for a posh lunch and opened the envelope with a glass of champagne. It was a lovely way to find out we were having a girl.

sophiewd · 20/02/2008 17:44

I think also we were so so sure that we were having a girl anyway that this has helped with getting our heads round having a boy.

PortAndLemon · 20/02/2008 17:50

To be scrupulously honest, I think I probably would have cared if DS had turned out to be an aardvark...

I forgot to say that this time round another reason for finding out was that DS was absolutely convinced that it was a girl, and if it wasn't I wanted a good long run-up at getting him used to the idea before the baby actually arrived.

MrsTittleMouse · 20/02/2008 17:52

{grin}
If I was scrupulously honest, I would admit that if DD had been an aardvark then I wouldn't have noticed, I was so out of it on adrenalin and fatigue.
I might have had my suspicions by now though...

bobsmum · 20/02/2008 17:53

I have a ds and a dd and one due in April who is still a surprise.

We also have no clue about names, but I do like imagining both the baby boy and girl scenario while I can, knowing that once baby's here 50% of my imaginings will be over. If I knew already I couldn't drool over both sexes of baby clothes

I also loooove pristine white things for newborns with maybe pale yellows or greens, there's plenty of time to get carried away with blues and pinks - no doubt friends and family will do that for you too.

I've got the rest of baby's life to know what he or she is, so I'm loving all the wondering and what ifs for the moment - I can't wait to find out who baby is - but I will

wolveschick · 20/02/2008 18:01

Once you know you cant change your mind! Nothing as dull as friends phoning up saying 'Jamie is here'! IMHO.

PortAndLemon · 20/02/2008 18:09

It's not actually compulsory either to decide on a name or (if you have decided) to tell everyone the name you've decided in advance of the birth. In fact, it's not compulsory to tell anyone else the sex. So a couple choosing to find out doesn't lead inexorably to the 'Jamie is here' scenario (and even if it did, I'm not sure I would make any of my parenting decisions based on what other people would find dull).

In our case, everyone knew DS was a boy but not anything else about him. Everyone knows this baby is (probably) a girl but not anything else about her.

I think the decision whether to find out or not needs to be up to the parents.

hatrick · 20/02/2008 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

softmusk · 20/02/2008 20:01

we found out this time dc3 but we decided not to tell any one else got 2 weeks left and have managed to keep it a secret

its quite nice just us knowing have brought stuff and but it away

JoyS · 20/02/2008 20:10

We found out with DD and will be finding out again this time! Name and clothes excellent reasons to find out if you ask me, I don't like everything to be neutral and all the really cute stuff is gender specific anyway.

Also, there's something wonderful about naming the baby and thinking about him/her by his/her name... I felt like I knew my DD already when she was born.

You can always keep it a secret and lots of people keep names secret until the moment anyway. It's a surprise either way, if you find out it's just an earlier surprise.

mumblesmummy · 20/02/2008 20:16

I'm glad we've found out, we had a party the night we found out at my mums, with a big buffet and everyone was excited and cooing over the scan pics. We've called him his name right from that day and now he's like a proper little person on his way. I have LOVED knowing, and can't really see the point in the surprise thing... surely it's best to get excited over the baby you know you're having, and buy all lovely gendre specific things.

VoodooCoconut · 20/02/2008 20:18

I didnt find out with my first dd and have second due in July, I dont think we will find out again, as it makes delivery day all the more exciting, agree you need very little stuff at first, wait for everyone to buy it for you in pink or blue!

Christie · 20/02/2008 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

carmenelectra · 20/02/2008 21:13

I loved knowing too! Makes it seem more real.

There was no way on this earth i could have waited 9 mths, i was so excited to find out. Im very excitable generally, but im not the sort to peek at my Christmas pressies, never. I love waiting for them. But a baby, i have to know.

Loved buying boys bits and bobs, although not necessarily blue, just baby boy stuff(although id have loved girls stuff even more!!).

DaphneHarvey · 20/02/2008 21:23

I didn't want to know for either child. But then on a thread like this you're bound to get a roughly equal split of opinions. During my 20 week scan for second dc the sonogropher sort of told us (although we'd asked not to know) so when the baby turned out to be opposite sex to what he'd said it was a lovely surprise. Name not a prob. We had some contingencies just in case. And for first few weeks he wore some pink vests and babygrows etc (passed down from older sibling) - but it didn't matter!

There are so few surprises surrounding pregnancy and birth these days, we just wanted to keep one thing unpredictable on both occasions and very happy we did.

Minkus · 21/02/2008 08:19

I loved the surprise with ds, and have just had my 20 week scan with dc2 and we haven't found out this time either.

When my sis had her 2nd they found out they were having a boy, and so we knew his name straight away and found it a real anti-climax when he was born- but then I very much doubt it was an anti climax for sis and BIL!

Don't listen to your friend, she sounds a bit cheeky to be honest- it's your baby so do it your way.

Good luck
xx

HolidaysQueen · 21/02/2008 08:42

It's a very personal thing, so here are some of my personal reasons for finding out which may or may not be similar to yours:

It makes it easier for me to visualise my baby somehow, and we have been able to select his name beforehand so we talk about him and to him using his name. We have told people we're expecting a boy but haven't told anybody the name so that will still be a surprise and our friends are really eager to know what we've picked, so they have a lot of excitement still. I didn't want to spend my pregnancy referring to the baby as "it" like he was an object rather than a person. I also know that it will make a big difference for me when in labour that my DH can say things like "just one more push and we can meet X"

Having said that, DH and I are not the sort of people who do surprises and like to be very organised. I don't think we'd particularly be swept away on the day by finding out for the first time whether it's a boy or girl or that the emotion could be any greater with that surprise - we'll be much more concerned that he's healthy and that I'm more or less in one piece, and excited to meet him, that I think the surprise of the gender would not be the main thing we'd take from the day. I also want to be able to say "Hello X" as soon as I meet him for the first time.

It's been fun to have this time to plan for his arrival, and it's also been fun to be able to shop for a few boyish clothes rather than just being restricted to the few unisex things there are in the shops as I don't really like white and cream stuff(again, cos we like to be organised I don't think we could have waited until after).

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