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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Should we find out the sex of our baby?

55 replies

dancerandprancer · 20/02/2008 17:23

Expecting baby number 2. We did not find out with our DD but are toying with the idea of finding out this time. Our reasons are 1- to help with name as DH and I are struggling with names and 2- to buy boys things if needed as we have mostly girly things. Do these reasons sound a bit petty, as friend of mine said so recently?

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Smalline · 21/02/2008 08:47

Do exactly what you want to do. We found out the first time with DS, we didn't tell anyone and we chose a name for him, but changed our minds when he was born. I found out the second time with DD, DH wanted to be surprised. I loved knowing both times.

gwynniestwin · 21/02/2008 09:40

It is a personal decision, but I don't think there's anything wrong in finding out the sex of your baby and it does, in my opinion, make it more exciting as you plans ahead.

We found out with dd2 as dd1 kept saying if it was a boy she would throw him in the bin, so we thought we'd better find out in case we needed to prepare her (and hide the bins!)

bobsmum · 21/02/2008 09:58

Just wanted to add that even if we had wanted to find out - many hospitals won't tell you the sex in case disappointed parents choose to abort. Mine wouldn't - there are posters everywhere saying "please don't embarrass your sonographer by asking - it's against hospital policy". I suppose it also safeguards against mistakes.

rozzyraspberry · 21/02/2008 10:08

We found out with our third but didn't tell anyone else that we knew. So DH still got to make the phone calls announcing 'it's a boy' when he arrived. So that's one option if you don't want anyone else to know yet.

It's up to you what you do and doesn't matter what your reasons for finding out/not finding out are. We didn't find out first 2 times but did third. Was as excited about lo's arrival each time and it certainly was not an anti-climax when ds3 was born.

chipmonkey · 21/02/2008 10:30

I found out this time as I have 3 boys already and would have loved a little girl as this will be our last. I tend to get very weepy after I've had a baby anyway and didn't want another thing to be weeping about! It is a boy as it turns out, though we haven't told family but it makes it easier for me to visualise him, bond with him and imagine him running around with his brothers before long.

misboo · 21/02/2008 10:37

But to all the people who say "we found out it was a girl/boy and it was great to know" - how could you trust the 'result' so absolutely - i really struggled to last time, just cos the hospital is never 100% themselves. Have left it until the day this time!

bebejones · 21/02/2008 10:49

DH and I definately want to find out, which has been met by alot of disapproval from various friends and family memebers. We are only going to tell very close family ie. Grandparents and siblings. HolidaysQueen we too are not 'surprise' people. Our wedding was arranged with what DH calls military precision, because I have to be very organised and prepared for things!!! (Mainly due to having a brain like a sieve and if it isn't well organised I will be a gibbering wreck!) We just want to feel completely prepared and finding out the sex is part of that for us. I am SO scared about being a mum, which DH has told me is to be expected 1st time round, I feel completely unprepared and un-maternal and I think finding out will really help me. I can totally understand why some people dont want to know and I think it is completely the choice of the parents. If DH didnt want to know aswell then we wouldnt be finding out!!

nailpolish · 21/02/2008 10:52

remember

they can get it wrong

imagine if they told you you were having one sex and your baby was actually the other - thats what put me off finding out anyway

bobsmum · 21/02/2008 10:52

So if your hospital won't tell you - do most people pay a hundred pounds or so for an extra scan?

bobsmum · 21/02/2008 10:54

NP - I agree - I've heard several stories of it being wrong - some with unhappy results and PND. It can only be about 60-70% accurate about being a girl.

bebejones · 21/02/2008 11:10

We are keeping most things completely neutral so if it is wrong it is not a huge disaster!! I really dont mind what we are having one little bit so if it's wrong it's wrong! As long as the baby is healthy I will cope. Finding out will just help me mentally prepare as I will be able to visualise a baby rather than a blob (Am having very vivid 'blob' in a blanket dreams at the moment which is very disconcerting!!!)

friendlyedjit · 21/02/2008 11:42

we have 3 girls and expecting their sibling in april. Have a feeling it will be another girl but could be a boy( which is a little terrifying!)!!! We chose not to find out as we hadn't with the first three. It is such a personal thing and each has to do what they feeel is right for them. We felt there are few "really good" surprises in life and this is one of them.Clothes wise- victorian boys wore pink , if its a boy we have quite a bit of pink!! but in all honesty the girls all also wore blue as babies, never worried me...

oopsiedoopsie · 21/02/2008 12:57

wife persuaded me round to wanting to knowthe sex for 2nd child, then changed her mind.
So it will be a surprise just like the 1st one.

Booboobedoo · 21/02/2008 14:36

By misboo on Thu 21-Feb-08 10:37:14:

"But to all the people who say "we found out it was a girl/boy and it was great to know" - how could you trust the 'result' so absolutely - i really struggled to last time, just cos the hospital is never 100% themselves. Have left it until the day this time!"

In our case, the camera went right up between his little legs. No mistaking it!

As to them getting it wrong then being 'disappointed', I can't imagine that would contribute to PND. I had PND for 10 months after DS was born. I was madly in love with him from the second he was put into my arms, and had no problems bonding. Would anyone be that upset about the sex of their baby after the first shock? Newborns are so gorgeous, whatever the gender!

ivykaty44 · 21/02/2008 17:32

There are few surprises left in life and this is one delightful surprise.

That was my take on finding out the sex of either of my two babies.

I have no problem with others not having a surprise but for me it was that little bit of magic

Christie · 21/02/2008 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hatrick · 21/02/2008 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sweetkitty · 21/02/2008 18:22

It's completely up to you it's such a personal decision.

I have found out with both DDs and will find out again in a few weeks I cannot wait.

ivykaty44 · 21/02/2008 18:57

Hatrick - for me it wouldn't have been the same, a bit like opening all my christmas presents and then on christmas morning knowing what every presnt had inside. To me that would spoil the surprise - its the waiting, the anticipation the delayed gratification.

kayzisbroody · 21/02/2008 19:18

I'd hate to not know!!
It made our lives much easier so we could buy everything. I like surprises but I think the sex of my baby is a bit too big a surprise for me.

crazyl · 21/02/2008 19:36

I am nearly 9 weeks pregnant. Yipeee. 1st time mum. My husband and I decided that we wanted it to be a surprise. We know we are having a baby as long as i'ts healthy that is all that matters. Plus it means I can't go nuts shopping and my mum can only nit basic white stuff!

lutonlass · 21/02/2008 19:46

1st time round i didnt want to know...plus the fact my local hossie do not tell you. 2nd time round I decided I deffo wanted to know, unfortunately we had to pay for the privilage but it was so much easier for us to know to buy blue stuff as opposed to neutral stuff. I do understand the element of surprise and when it comes to the crunch you will make the right decision. Good luck

chipmonkey · 21/02/2008 21:58

Actually, nailpolish, there is that! Even now, after a 3D/4D scan, the picture I was showm of ds4's "bits" was not terribly obvious to me and I just assumed the sonographer was right as that's her job. But I think at 28 weeks and with a boy it's likely to be 99.99% correct anyway!

notnowbernard · 21/02/2008 22:02

For me:

2 dds. Didn't find out gender, despite being quite possibly the NOSIEST person in the world. Thought I'd want to know but when it came to 20w scan was absolutely adamant I wanted the suprise.

So lovely finding out 'on the day'

Dp said it was great letting everyone else know, hearing their excitement etc.

If I had a 3rd I wouldn't want to know either

Arbensmum · 22/02/2008 11:20

I found out with my son purely because i worked in the department where i had the scan and i didn't like the idea of my colleagues knowing and me not. I am glad we did and as others have said it was still exciting. Everything else about him was a suprise, his hair his nose etc etc.
I am also the kind of person who needs to be able to plan ahead so this gave me lots of time to get organised. Tho saying that you can do jus aswell not knowing.
I got a scan pic of his willy so knew they were right

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