"Was it planned"....

[Mogonthemoon]

I know this question will come up at some point, and I don't want to have to answer it, its really no one's business if my pregnancy was planned or not....

Any idea of a good reply I can use which isn't rude/snarky but firmly deflects the question?

But to be honest I think I agree with some previous posters that a breezy 'oh yes very much planned' or an equally breezy 'not exactly, but I'm over the moon' is probably going to shut down any gossip most effectively.

I understand you don't want to tell people but the trouble is, any potentially snarky sounding response is going to feed the gossip.

If you say 'none of your business' or words to that effect, the rumour mill will go crazy about why you are grumpy about your pregnancy etc.

Make it as boring as possible and people will move on quicker.

If you don't tell them, they will make it up anyway so you might as well just give them the bare bones of the truth.

I think a 'Very much so' or 'Oh yes!' is the best way of shutting them up. Some people want to know if the pregnancy is a huge mistake; OTOH if it's planned, maybe they're a bit envious that you were able to fulfil your 'plan'. Whatever. I would tell them it was, and change the subject. Nothing to see here!
I had twins. That often quickly lead into personal territory with strangers. 'Did you know you were having twins,?' leads to 'Have you got other dch?' or 'Will you have more?' and I found myself discussing really personal stuff until I learnt to cut it short.

I used to get asked this by random men at work a lot (most of whom I only saw at monthly meetings and didn’t know anything about my life apart from work) my response of “yes meticulously after my last miscarriage” used to work really well and see them leave me alone whilst getting judged by everyone else in the room at the time

I hate this question. It is so intrusive!

I'd go for 'what do you mean?' Let them fumble around explaining and then say 'oh you mean do I want to have the baby? Yes I do'

I had my eldest when I was young. People will often say 'how old were you when you got pregnant?' Or 'you were young'

I usually answer then say 'how old are you?' Or 'at what age did you have your child?' And then say 'ohhh that's old' or 'I'd not have wanted to be an old mam'. Funny how they don't perceive their question as rude but will perceive yours as such!

This reminded me of the time I was pregnant with dd1, a very much planned and wanted baby. An old work colleague told me I would be an old mum. I was 29. Still remember her words now.
Sone people are just rude.

Loved the PP about usually sticking with Anal 😂
In my fantasies I would love to say this.
I come from a small northern town where people can be blunt to the point of rudeness.
I read threads like this and screenshot the best ideas to use when required 🤓

With twins and a single born in lockdown self explanatory we were bored hahaha 🤣🤣🤣

@Pocketfullofdogtreats - the other one I got with twins was 'are they natural?'

My favourite response to 'was it planned' was 'no, tv broke and there was nothing else to do'.

Or telling them DH has super sperm who clearly had their own ideas of what the plan was (I was on birth control when I got pregnant with DS1).

A woman who i worked with for a short while , she was sacked for stealing money , she had never met my husband and knew very little about me .
I saw her months later when i was pregnant with 2nd child and she asked me if it was with the same father !

At least you're being asked. I've had family members just assume it wasn't and say things like "Were you shocked to find out you were pregnant?".

I hold my hands up and admit that I did ask my daughter this question when she told me she was pregnant. She had never mentioned starting a family, they live hours from any family help and her husband is a lazy arse. Yes the baby was planned but a bit of a shock it happened so quickly. Since having the little one my daughter desperately wants to move back close to us (they did come and live with us for a few months during lockdown) and she moans non stop about how thoughtless and lazy her husband is. I'd never say it but I do wonder why she thought his laziness would be cured by having a baby?

I got this all the time when I had my first, I was 22, because I was younger than the average age people thought they had the right to be rude, I never got asked when I had my 3rd at 30. What shocked me more was people interviewing me for a job.
What does it matter that a pregnancy is planned, if your going ahead with a pregnancy you've obviously decided you want a baby!

Yes, I think people do ask this. I was asked by my manager at work. And I didn’t have any unusual circumstances that would have made it surprising.

I’ve had this from two very different people and two very different senses of humour. My two responses were:

1. ”Yes, we’ve been at it like rabbits. Would you like to discuss further?” (This one for a prudish older relative, who knows I am sarcastic and cantankerous, who I knew would be embarrassed and NEVER ask again.)
2. ”No! The Immaculate Conception all over again!” (This one for an in-law who got the message it was none of her business.)

Say are you asking if we were shagging for a purpose or just for pleasure? Should shut them up

I got asked this a few times and my answer was always an incredulous "What do you think Sherlock??", but I got pregnant at 16 so it always seemed an even more bizarre and ridiculous question to me 😂

Agree with pp saying to just say "that's quite a personal question" and breeze past it if you don't want to be snarky.

“Why do you ask?/Why?”

Repeat every time they respond.

Was it planned.
Why do you ask?
Just wondering if you were trying for a baby or if it was an accident?
Why?
Well I just wanted to know if it’s was expected.
Why?

And continue on until they realise how stupid they’re being.

My MIL asked us this. Very rude!
I think if it's someone you want to get along with a simple 'yes' pretty much ends the conversation.
I wish I had had the time to digest my MILs question and reply how rude it was of her to ask, but it took me by surprise and I had to continue seeing her
DH was deeply offended.

Just blame Covid... or the government. Works for everything else. Bloody Tory's

Actually, I wish I’d said (with a concerned face)“No, it wasn’t planned. The father could be one of four…” 😬

“I don’t really want to go into the baby’s conception” and a nervous laugh would do the tricky and imply how invasive a question it is.

Totally agree. The number of people who asked me if I was sure there weren’t two babies in there. Everywhere I went!

I guess if you tell people you're trying to have a baby then you won't get asked this when it happens but surely most people keep that to themselves? So really people should know they weren't going to be informed about it.