"Was it planned"....

[Mogonthemoon]

I know this question will come up at some point, and I don't want to have to answer it, its really no one's business if my pregnancy was planned or not....

Any idea of a good reply I can use which isn't rude/snarky but firmly deflects the question?

DSis and I gave birth weeks apart and someone asked me if that was planned! I love my sister to pieces, but of all the conversations I can imagine having with her, this would not be one of them.

In general, my response to any pregnancy related question was a misty smile and a dreamy “we’re very excited about the baby”. Assuming you are happy with the pregnancy, of course.

This isn’t a common question. I don’t know why you need to prepare for it.

'Yes, would you like to know what position DH and I were in when it happened?' usually shuts them up.

Responding with a Yes will cut off any further gossip mongering so although it might be more than you want to share at this point it has the benefit of brevity and pulling any rugs out of any feet that might want to stir things up even more.

To answer with anything other than a yes will have the gossip mill working at full tilt in certain environments.

And Yes I was asked if my pregnancy was planned - my answer Yes of course with a certain amount of incredulity.

I know a girl who announced her pregnancy on Facebook and in the comments said, baby was a total surprise the condom broke, I still get shock when I think of it lol no one even asked.

But is this the kind of answer people are looking for with the question, what a bizarre thing to ask. I'd probably just laugh and say well it wasn't a surprise or something like that. Unbelievable, I think people are awkward and maybe just lost for something to say and maybe don't mean to be nosy

I was never asked this, but I was asked some stupid questions and had some stupid things said to me. There was a woman I knew from school, who was a little odd, and had never had a boyfriend. Even by nearly 30. I was first pregnant when I was almost 30, and had been married several years. She looked aghast when I told her, and said (whilst covering her mouth!) 'Oh my GODDDD, you've had sex!'

I said 'well I am nearly 30, and have been married a few years, and own my own house and everything. ' She couldn't process that I had had sex - as when we knew each other at school, we had both never had a boyfriend, even by 16/17, and were still virgins, and were both outcasts at school and never in any cliques.

When I left, I moved on, and made lots of friends, and had my first boyfriend at 18. She never dated anyone and was proper puzzled when I said I was pregnant! Even though I was married!

I also had 'U not had that baby yet?!' from a really fucking annoying colleague of DH's every fucking time I saw her. Got on my tits it did. AND I got 'not lost that baby weight yet then?' from one of my parents neighbours. Said it 3 times to me - in the first 4 WEEKS after I had had my first. Got to the point where I started going into their house via the back door/back garden so as not to encounter this neighbour!

People are such arseholes to pregnant women/women who have just had babies.

My friend texted me asking this immediately after I told her I was pregnant.. it felt like such a bizarre thing to say, as if it was almost like ‘oh sorry you’re pregnant’ 🤦🏼‍♀️ Yes it was planned but even if it wasn’t, it is literally no one else’s business. The same with ‘were you trying for long?’ 😳

I got this quite a lot with my second - only 15 months apart.

Some people I laughed it off - oh, ha ha yes, nothing else to do in lockdown was there??!?

Others got the real reason either to make them feel awkward or because they were actually close enough to ask without me feeling offended - PCOS, 4 years for DC1, not getting any younger, not planned, not prevented

I have 10 +dc. Gave up trying to pander to nosey buggars years ago!

I always answer oh gosh no and move on most people didn't quite know what to say after that

A colleague of mine got asked this a lot. She said it wasn't at all planned, and a huge surprise. I worked very closely with her, and I'm pretty sure it was planned. Her DP wasn't in on the planning though.

I think you need something vague like "I always planned to have children". It something straight back at them like "Are you asking if my contraception failed?" Followed by a hard stare.

I used to say ‘what do you mean?’ when asked that. They’d normally then move on without clarifying. I don’t think people mean much by it sometimes, they just say it without thinking.

”God, yes. I spent hours doing research on the Internet to find out my most fertile hour and I paid extra for that Ocado delivery slot. You should’ve seen the neighbours’ faces when he unloaded two bottles of champagne to find me on the doorstep stark naked except for my maribou mules and a pearl choker. Practically planned to the minute…..”

I've been asked it multiple times - I'm in my mid 30s and married 🤷 been asked by friends, family and colleagues. I don't know if I gave off a no children vibe before or something.

I generally answer with a normal yes, but I do lose my patience with one asker and said 'I didn't get to 33 with no children without knowing how contraception works". I'd love to say something more scandalous though- perhaps a "normally we stick to anal. You experiment once and look what happens!"

Tap your nose and say " that's for smelling, not other people's business "

People ask because they’re tentatively working out whether it’s ‘good’ news and whether to enthusiastically congratulate you or not, particularly if there isn’t a regular man on the scene or you told them a few months ago you never wanted kids. No need to take offence where it isn’t intended, just say yes or ‘no but I’m very excited’.

do not do this unless you want to sound like a 7 year old

OP doesn't have to tell them anything. It's none of their business if it's planned or not. Full stop!

Of course she doesn’t have to but she asked for responses and that was my opinion

I was never asked that.

My DH told his manager and HR and they both asked this. The manager asked if he was happy too. Never understood why they feel it's appropriate to ask.

What about 'well I always planned to have children at some point, so im really excited to be having a baby'.

Not a denial but clearly signposting that no one should commiserate with you.

It's never appropriate to ask.

Or you could say 'well you can't really plan for a baby, I'm just lucky I guess...'