ERA/Alice/Emma infertility thread graduates/pregnancies

[seven201]

If you are a regular on the infertility board you may have seen the ERA/Alice/Emma threads for those going through those tests after lots of unsuccessful IVF or recurrent losses. This thread is for the ladies from there who are now pregnant. We can share our worries and joys.

I am useless at remembering who is pregnant from which thread so please do add yourself or tag others. @Janefx40 and @Faithhopelove83.

Also, if anyone who has fully graduated/had their baby, then please feel free to join if you wish. I don't want to tag individuals as I don't want people to feel obliged.

If you've also just had lots of failed ivf and/or recurrent miscarriages you are of course welcome too!

A little bit about me. I have a naturally conceived nearly 7 year old dc. Have been trying for dc2 for 5 1/4 years. One natural early loss, 5 failed ivf, 3 surgeries (main one being an adhesion removed), 2 natural pregnancies and early losses, 1 ivf pregnancy that got to heartbeat stage. This pregnancy is a letrazole round and I'm 9+6 (although measuring 9+0 but that's been consistent) so due early November. I've been spotting brown for the past 3 days but my scan was this afternoon, so reassuring (although still worried). I'm under the CRP clinic in epsom due to the miscarriages.

Good luck to us all!

@Janefx40 when I was told to book it Geri did mention it was an internal. I've had soooo many of those over the years that it doesn't bother me, but nice to be prepared. Thanks! We're having a single storey extension so have moved out of the ground floor completely so have a temporary kitchen in what was our bedroom (we do have a spare room). Everything is covered in dust. Going to take 6 months, so the builders will get to meet the baby. Financially this is awful timing!

@InvisibleDreamer it's a private one through CRP clinic where I've had all my treatment. It wasn't on my radar until they recommended I book it in. I have no idea how you'd go about getting one done privately elsewhere. How are you doing?

@Faithhopelove83 and @AM08 how are you getting on?

@InvisibleDreamer ultrasound direct do cervical length scans if there is one of them near you.

How's everyone doing?

I went back for a scan today at 8+4 and I'm measuring a day ahead, placenta is looking formed and the corpus luteum is shrinking. The technician measured the heart rate which was a healthy 178 :) I have my booking appointment with the midwife on Friday and then another scan on Sunday.

@Gardenlady543 oh this is great news. I've been thinking about you this afternoon but thought scan was Tuesday. Things are looking really great. So pleased today was good ❤️

@seven201 ah the extension sounds pretty intense but will be well worth it when it’s nearly complete when the baby arrives / is in first few months and you have more space

@Janefx40 glad the little man is alert and enjoying playing with toys

@Gardenlady543 so pleased to hear your scan went well and everything is looking all good - such a good feeling to have the booking appointment, felt like a really big moment for me and DH when we had ours

Everything all good here, 9 week scan went well and now another week and a half to wait until 12 week scan which feels like an age. Such a funny feeling being excited and then constantly telling yourself not to be too excited.

For anyone that’s done the NIPT testing via NHS, how long did it take to get results?

@Gardenlady543 excellent!! I also thought your scan was on Tuesday. All sounding very positive.

@AM08 brilliant! So good to be getting past these milestones. Not long until the next scan then. I definitely know what you mean about the excited then reminding yourself not to be thing.

I am at that funny stage where I look pregnant but people don't want to ask. I am finding it quite funny. I haven't announced it to any of my students, but they must be thinking that I've eaten all the biscuits in the world or am pregnant. I had another person ask me if it was a planned pregnancy! He wasn't as blunt as the last lady, but I was taken aback that people think that's an ok question! Got my cervical length scan at CRP tomorrow.

Thanks guys :)

@AM08 ohh this is good! I hope time flies to the next scan!

In what circumstances does the nhs offer nipt? I assume I won't be offered it so looked privately and found a reasonably priced company but they only take blood in clinics and they don't have a location near me.

@seven201 lol because I look pregnant but shouldn't this early and people are asking! I think it's either boating or steroid induced central obesity but I 100% never looked pregnant before and now do! I was at an event at the weekend and someone asked and said they thought I looked pregnant! I mean in some ways it's good because I feel rough so it was nice when I was travelling to have people open the door for me etc. Good luck for the scan :)

We've just done some immune blood tests today, so hopefully the result will be back by the end of the week for Dr Gorgy to make the next step of the plan.

@seven201 how many weeks are you now? It’s so difficult to know whether your starting to show or it’s treatment related! My tummy has definitely popped out a bit and I wonder if it’s a case of still being on ivf meds and starting to expand down there just slightly! What a random question - seems so odd to ask that - I couldn’t imagine ever thinking of asking someone something like that, people can be bizarre. Fingers crossed for your cervical length scan!

@Gardenlady543 I just was asked in my booking appointment if I wanted to have it as part of my 12 week scan appointment - I am early/mid 30s and no risk factors that I know of so think it’s just something they must offer to everyone over 30… hopefully your results with Dr Gorgy come back soon!

@AM08 I'm 18 1/2 weeks now and mine is definitely not just biscuits or the drugs any more. I think second pregnancies you tend to show earlier too. There was a good 6 weeks where I wasn't sure if it was pregnancy or just drugs, bloat and biscuits. I'm an apple shape, so haven't had a flat tummy since I was 18, so people just aren't sure

@Gardenlady543 I think different trusts have different NIPT rules. I was offered it on the NHS after my anomaly scan (combined with bloods and my age) came back as high risk (1/22) for downs, but I'd already paid for the private one by then. Gosh, you must be showing early for people to be asking! I wouldn't dream of asking!

How does it work with NHS NIPT telling you the sex, I thought you can only find out after a certain point in the pregnancy but the private ones say they can do the test from 10 weeks. Does the NHS NIPT always let people know the sex? I want to know!

I'm almost 38 although the embryo I'm using was made when I was 34 that's how long I've been trying to get this to work. I wonder if they'll offer it to me based on my age. I have my booking appointment on Friday so I'll see what they say.

Hiya everyone.

@seven201 how was your cervical length scan? 18.5 weeks!! That's amazing. It seems to have gone so fast but probably not to you!

@AM08 I've never heard of the NHS offering NIPT unless the 12 week scan comes back high risk. And I'm 46 so definitely not just an age thing!

I did mine privately and it took 10 days to come back each time (had to redraw 3 times for the Panorama). I chose to find out the sex but it was a choice you could make. I did the Harmony test first time and think that came back in a week as that is done in the UK whereas Panorama gets sent to the US.

@Gardenlady543 so exciting to have your booking appointment. It's mostly a lot of routine questions.

I expect you know this but just in case...Be prepared for the fact that the midwives and even consultants won't know much about IVF and will think reproductive immunology is hocus pocus. You might as well be telling them you've been using leaches or taking a magic potion. Better not to expect knowledge or understanding and just smile through it. Remember that you know an awful lot more about it than they do. It can really wind me up so I try to detach from it as much as I can!!!

Xxx

@Gardenlady543 I think given the embryo is from 34 y/o you they probably won't. I'm 40 and wasn't offered it. I don't know if the nhs includes finding out the sex, but you definitely can tick the box if paying privately. You may be able to Google your trust policy on NIPT/Harmony.

My scan went well thanks @Janefx40. I've been discharged from CRP! Crazy. I think it's happening! All good with you and yours?

@seven201 oh good. Yes it's bizarre being discharged isn't it?

@Gardenlady543 @AM08 I always show super early in pregnancy - from about 7-8 weeks. The internet and biology will say that's impossible but I honestly do!! It's just one of those things. For the first 24 or so weeks everyone was telling me how huge I was. Then at the end of the pregnancy everyone kept saying what a neat bump I had and I didn't look pregnant from the back. Honestly people should just zip it but then I dare say I've been guilty of the same thing in the past myself.

Xxx

Yes we're fine although Leo won't sleep in his cot which is understandable at 4 weeks old but also unsustainable. I didn't sleep last night...at all!! So we will have to do something but not sure what !

Thanks @Janefx40 that's good advice! I'm a very evidence based person but in the end, why did I not ever get a positive until this stuff was added, 4 years and nothing, then I get put on immune drugs and I have a positive test for the first time and a chemical, followed by this which seems to be working. So there is no way I'm having anyone take me off Dr Gorgys plan and I'll just do what you say and expect them to judge me and ignore it. Oh and I must not be the only one then, looking pregnant with my 20.7mm fetus! Hope you are enjoying lots of cuddles!

Woop @seven201 congrats on the discharge milestone!

@Janefx40 aghhh. The lack of sleep is such torture. Me and DH were so snappy to each other for months! Gorgeous name :) when's the next weigh in?

@Gardenlady543 my midwife and consultant have surprised me by not questioning any of my treatments, just asking about drug quantities etc. I did ask my midwife about vaginal seeding (where they wipe your vulva/vagina area at c-section and put some on the baby to try and prevent allergies) and she did say that might be a bit woo, but she was very nice about it. My dd had cows milk protein allergy and silent reflux, and there's some thought they're linked to c-sections due to not being squeezed through and lack of exposure to vaginal bacteria, so that's the only thing putting me off a second c-section. Think I'm going to have another as it was a great experience and I healed relatively easily.

@seven201 I remember when I worked in surgery and there was a patient in after a c section complication (very rare!). I said to the senior surgeon, "this is putting me off wanting to have a c section" he looked at me seriously and said "do not let this out you off, most of my patients have severe bowel incontinence as a result of giving birth, have the c section".

@Gardenlady543 @seven201 yes that's the thing. I hated both my c sections but giving birth naturally is no picnic either!!!

I planned to do vaginal seeding with my first - the hospital were happy to do it but in the end we were so out of it we didn't bother. I didn't want to this time - mostly just because all was fine the first time and I didn't do as much reading/prep this time so it wasn't so much on our agenda

X

Erg is it ok to spend the entire day crying and for everything to be ok? The person that caused me the issues at work has done it again. I don't think this situation is resolvable, they have taken my only form of support away. I tried my best to get it resolved today involving HR and my Union but they won't do anything and there is nothing more I can do. I have no idea how I will cope now at work and I'm so worried because things have been looking so good in the pregnancy and I'm worried being so upset and stressed will effect it.

@Gardenlady543 being stressed and upset won't affect the pregnancy. Most people pregnant from IVF are stressed and upset and anxious. I'm so sorry this has happened tho. What have they done? Sending love and support. Xxx

@Janefx40 a manager at my job has decided to change my line manager. When they did this last year they saw how upset I was (I was crying over the video chat) and I was reallocated back to the old manager. They then sent me for a consultation where a report was written that said I’m protected by disability legislation and as a means of support they should keep me with the same manager and if they have to reallocate there was specific advice to follow on discussing alternative options, to support me with the transition and to brief them about my situation. They chose to completely ignore this and allocated me a manger who I don’t know and the conversations I have had with them have been very stressful. I involved my line manager and another senior line manager that knows me, they both tried to reason with the person that made the decision but he won't budge. So I involved HR and my union, my union support me, but HR won't help. I have suggested an alternative option as a compromise. I already told this person about the surrogacy, the pregnancy loss in my surrogate, the chemical and they're know I'm pregnant. But so far they're not willing to accommodate the reasonable adjustments in the report. As a result I have been crying all day, my head feels all congested from the crying. My line manager has supported me though 4 years of infertility, I don't know how I will cope without them, my line manager said not to worry to have minimal contact with the person they allocated and I can call them any time for support. But I just feel so lost, the person that made this decision is doing this on purpose, they have just ignored the reasonable adjustments and the law is on my side but all I've achieved in trying to resolve this is making my self look pathetic and likely damaged by career prospects. My union told me to go off sick, but I know it will be worse and I will ruminate on it, so I'm trying so hard to get any compromise in place to bring closure to this.

@Gardenlady543 I'm so sorry this has happened. It sounds like you will still have access to the person who you find supportive even if not in the same way.

What are your options? Are you able to find another job? Or maybe take the union's advice and get signed off for a bit. Being stressed won't hurt your baby but it's not good for your own mental health when you are already going through so much.

Sending love and support x

Thanks @Janefx40 ❤️ I do feel that I'm very emotional at the moment so this is effecting me a lot because of hormones which is making everything worse. At the moment I am trying to reason with HR asking them to allocate me an alternative person who already knows my situation to save me the distress of having to go over it all again. I am sure they will say no, the opinion of HR is that the person they have allocated to me is fine, even though I don't get on with them, they have said I never told them this, but it's not like anything significant has happened, they have just started arguments with me and caused me stress and I don't feel comfortable discussing my personal issues with them. My argument is these are sensitive women's issues and saying a woman should feel able to speak to anybody about these personal issues shows no understanding of the trauma of infertility and pregnancy loss. If I get signed off I will ruminate on the whole issue and it won't achieve anything, it's a big company they won't care if I'm there or not, it will likely just mean they have even less motivation to resolve this, plus I only have limited sick pay and I think I used it all for my surgery recovery last year. I don't feel I can find another job now because of the pregnancy and maternity, I feel like I've already gained a good reputation where I am and I don't want to restart that elsewhere. I will need to accept that the person that made this decision is out to get me though, they want to bully me out and they will do what they can to prevent any career progression. I suspect they have taken this line manager away as that person has my best interests at heart and it's meant I've been able to do things like work from home to administer medication and avoid getting infections. They would have more control over me without that person protecting me.

@Janefx40 i’m not sure why the midwife mentioned it, maybe she meant if there was something in the 12 week scan that suggested we need it then are we open to it (but that’s not what me and DH took away from the booking appointment, we very much felt it was booked for us.) I hope we are not high risk but have it to rule things out next week anyway or I would have went privately this week through my clinic. Will keep you all posted anyway!

@Gardenlady543 that absolutely sucks, I work in an HR function (hr isn’t my specialism) and employment law in the UK just completely favours employers and women have such limited rights through pregnancy and even maternity (maternity being a big misconception where people thing your more protected than you are). It’s great you have a trade union as support and hopefully your employer decides to do the right thing and be respectful of you being pregnant and your journey. I guess if they don’t, and you feel you have to leave, it’s could be seen as constructive dismissal. So tricky but sending you hugs.

Thanks @AM08 I have had a call today with the relevant people who make decisions, I had the tell them what I've been through, which was hard. I was questioned on why I don't feel able to tell the person I have allocated as a new manager about my situation, I had suggested an alternative person who already knows my situation. Surely it's obvious that it's better to be supported by someone that already knows than to have to go through it all again. They said they can't have people pick and choose who they are line managed by, but did accept that my situation should be considered individually. They have told me they will think about it and get back to me. I guess I have done all I can. I hope everything is ok with my pregnancy, I have done so much ti stay calm and relaxed and then had this awful upsetting situation come at me.

How is everyone doing?