Hi all!
Currently 13+4 and just wondering if any of you are having just your partner with you when you are in the delivery room or your partner and someone else?
I've always thought when I come to have the baby I would have my husband and Mum in with me. I'm really close to my Mum and have always leant on her for support so I always assumed that she would be there for my baby being born.
However, when I brought it up with my husband, he was really surprised, even seemed hurt that I would want her there. He said that it felt like he was not good enough and it should just be a special moment for the two parents. I was quite naive in assuming that he would be fine with it as he and my Mum are very close and he has always understood that I have a really close relationship with her.
I think he also felt a bit hurt because I expressed concern about how squeamish he is, to the point where I feel he may not be able to cope with the experience, in which case I feel like having my Mum there would be good for us both, in case he needs a break. He didn't see it this way - just said it was like I was making out he wouldn't be supportive enough. He also said he doesn't know anyone who had their Mum in with them.
A few days after this happened he said that he understands how much support I get from my Mum so if I want her there then he'll support that, but I told him it's clear he doesn't want her there and he's the baby's Dad so we won't have her there. Since then, we've not talked about it.
I have broached the subject with my Mum and told her that I'm not sure whether I'm going to have just my husband there or her too, and used the 'It is a special moment for the parents so may just be nice to just have the two of us' - I didn't tell her my husband had raised objections to it as didn't want to hurt her feelings. She said that she didn't need to be in the delivery room, she could just be in the waiting area and stay there unless we needed her, but she then told me I didn't need to make any decisions on it yet.
So now I'm just conflicted over it. I feel like I would regret it if I didn't have my Mum there as I have always needed her and she has supported me through thick and thin, she knows me in and out and has also seen me in hospital having all sorts of procedures (I had cancer at 21) so has the experience of seeing me in a bad way, which my husband hasn't, not the gory bits anyway. He even turned white just seeing me pass a tube of urine to the midwife at our booking app, then looked at the floor when I was getting bloods done. I totally get that everyone has different limits when it comes to 'blood and gore' so I'm not trying to disrespect him in any way.
On the other hand, I do see where my husband is coming from - it is a special moment between the two parents so I can also see why it would be good for it to be just us, and I should respect what he wants as my husband and as the baby's father. Re. my Mum's suggestion about waiting outside the delivery room, I just don't think I would feel right sending her in and out, I feel like she has to be there all the way through or not at all.
Has anyone had, or having this dilemma? I've spoken to a few friends about it and getting mixed reactions - some are saying I'm the one doing the pushing so it should be me making the decision. Others are saying I should consider my husband's preferences too.
Sorry for the essay - it's just a difficult one for me!