Is it weird that I’m not scared about going through labor?

[Spockrates]

I’m 32 weeks pregnant and I’m not afraid about giving birth this seems to be a common fear that I am seeing a lot of articles on my pregnancy apps about but I don’t seem to have that fear? I feel pretty calm about it I have always had a high pain tolerance (maybe this will humble me?) I don’t plan on going with an epidural either also this is my first pregnancy so maybe the excitement of having my baby is overriding this fear that I’m supposed to have? Because I am so excited for the day my baby is finally here I can hardly wait only 8 weeks to go!!

@SavedByDogs its ok I still don’t feel worried even after reading the horror stories I feel really serene about it for some reason I don’t think there’s anything that would scare me tbh the only thing that scares me is having an epidural I’ve always had a fear of needles but the actual birth/pain when I think about it I feel nothing but calmness I just can’t wait to meet my baby

OP it is great you are not scared. I wasn’t either, felt really positive about the prospect of giving birth. However during my first Labour I panicked as I was not quite prepared for the all encompassing feeling and I felt out of control. That panic was really really not helpful.
for second birth I read a hypnobirthing book which helped me enormously. And didn’t give in to fear in the moment. Was ready to tell myself things like: “the contractions cannot be stronger than me because they are from me” . Second birth h was really really good because of not giving in to fear in the moment.

so from my personal experience I would say you are in a great place, but I would 100% recommend doing some reading around hypnobirthing and a little bit of practice / preparation. A “general” positive feeling was not enough for me, I needed specific tools to STAY calm and positive, and not fearful, when the contractions took over (and mainly in the transition stage).

hope all goes well! You’ll be fab!

I feel exactly the same as you.

@Happydays1987

@Fordian wasn't rude at all. You have no need to be offended.

If you ended up needing a section you'll need a spinal / epidural.

@weststreet cant they knock me out if u need a caesarean? I imagine I’d prefer that than having a needle in my spine

Yes, they can, although there are some additional risks associated with general anaesthetic. However, if you're really apprehensive about an epidural/spinal block it would be worth having a conversation with your midwife and then making a note about your preference in your birth plan.

The risk are much higher. It's not as simple as knocking your out, the anaesthetic can get to baby and make them really sleepy and increases the risk of them needing help breathing once born.

Also if they do give you a general anaesthetic, your partner won't be able to be in theatre with you and won't be able to see your baby being born.
The risks of a spinal / epidural are much less risky than GA in the case of a c-section and they only use a GA really if it's medically necessary from my experience.

I think it's good not to be scared (I don't think I was particularly scared from memory!) as long as your feet are on the ground in terms of how things MIGHT go.

I was keen to avoid an epidural and managed both times (largely as I have precipitate labours so by the time anyone realised I was in labour it was too late to have one!) But my birth plan was very fluid and I was open to changing my mind if needed, and I don't think putting pressure on yourself in regards any part of your birth plan is productive (not saying you are, just in general!) As it can set mum up for disappointed after if they feel like they 'failed' to achieve what they set out to do.

The hypnobirthing, positive affirmations, 'women have been doing this for millennia and I can do' is great for getting you in the right mindset as long as it comes with a caveat of 'and I'm lucky that we have a healthcare system to offer help if we need it and that's ok too'

Good luck!!

I wasn't nervous at all. I had: 1. 2 hours active labour, 2. 1 hour active labour, 3. 5 hours active labour (back to back). I screamed the place down and only had gas and air, but the pain was forgotten until I was in labour with the subsequent babies. So, even if it's more painful than you expect, it's soon over and forgotten.

Another vote for YANBW(eird) at all.

I too was excited for labour; I'd spent so long planning it and running over the event in my head that I was fully ready to manifest it into reality. Frankly it was even better than I imagined and being able to say I delivered my daughter myself is something I will cherish for life.

Sending best wishes that everything goes as you hope and more.

@Spockrates - 2 things 1) I had an epidural for pain relief after 24 hours and also for Cesarean - the needle did not hurt a bit & the people who know about doing it know what they are doing. I would not worry about that - if you get to the stage of having a Cesarean I would recommend an epidural rather than GA.

2. wan't worried about the birth until it came to the day. My mother said to me as she waved me off - if it were so bad I would never have had your younger brother.

Everyone told me that I'd need an epidural with my first. Labour wasn't fun but it was fine with just gas and air for the first two. But you don't get a medal for it so on my third I had an epidural. Best thing I did. I slept through the entire labour until I had to push.

If you need pain relief, take it but if you don't, also cool. You never really know until you get there and if it's a long labour it's extremely tiring so the pain relief is more about getting a break.

Definitely think it's positive you're not worried though!

I also felt strangely calm about the whole thing (despite hating hospitals, needles etc!)

I think it was a mix of being absolutely fed up of pregnancy and hormones.

In the event I was very lucky with both my births. Yes, there was pain, but I found it a bit like when you have gastroenteritis or a migraine in that I just sort of rolled with it in a bored/resigned kind of way. It didn't seem at all dramatic or unusual (if that makes sense) I remember thinking these thoughts to myself as I was actually in labour and telling myself to remember them so that I wouldn't look back and wonder if it was just selective memory.

I appreciate that I was exceptionally lucky though and that other people's experiences will vary!

I think it's a good way to be TBH.

I think it's amazing that you're not scared and not weird at all.

I wish I were like you and brave enough not to find the idea of vaginal birth absolutely terrifying.

I felt very much like you OP - more worried about the epidural!

What happened in fact was the first labour became overwhelming very quickly. I had booked a home birth and the first midwife who came out was useless, she was really unsympathetic and said "I'll not give you gas and air now, if you have it now you'll end up with an epidural!" I had thought gas and air was a more "mild" pain killer.

Luckily she went away and the second midwife was excellent, she recognised I was going into panic and helped me to take back control and calm down. It is important to have some kind of technique to come back down if you are spiralling. I recommend reading Juju Sundin's Birth Skills, (and take notes so your birth partner can remind you), this is full of such gems.

The birth went well from then on.

Second labour was ten years later, I felt falsely confident, again once it started ramping up it became overwhelming but this time nobody talked me down. I tried getting in the pool as that had helped with DC1, but it didn't help this time. The midwives said I still had ages to go so I thought screw this, I'll try the epidural, it can't be that bad.

Well, I was panicking the whole way through them doing it. Kept freaking out that they would slip and I would be paralysed. Or I'd get the insane headache thing. Was so scared that I couldn't sit still through the contractions (and actually struggled to) but did manage it, it was OK.

However, the epidural didn't work!

Third baby, I thought about epidural but ultimately I felt I didn't want to go through all the faff of getting it put in if I could cope with the pain, and I did manage to cope much better (Juju's tips served me best in this one) so I didn't have any pain relief except for getting in the pool, which did help this time, and gas and air at the very end.

Not weird at all. It's a good thing IMO. I too wasn't keen on having an epidural either. I'm not frightened of needles. Just not for me.

For myself, I wasn't worried either. With both babies. I work in obstetric theatres, primarily emergency. So I've seen literally hundreds of C-sections (crash and otherwise), forceps deliveries, tear repairs, manual removals, and even the odd vaginal birth. I was asked by my co-workers a few times if I was scared, and my answer was no I wasn't. I didn't particularly want to see my colleagues at any point during labour and birth, but if I had to, at least I knew I was in good hands.

In the end, I didn't need to with DC1. Should have gone for a manual removal, but I was superceded by an emergency C-section. The placenta then arrived in its own time before the other theatre was free. However, I did for DC2. First for the epidural thanks to a slow back to back drip labour. Second for the C-section when it eventually became clear DC2 was not going to be exiting my body any way except via the sunroof. Even then I wasn't scared. All I felt was just a calm acceptance that I had done all I could to have a vaginal birth. It just wasn't to be.

I already know that if I have a third, I'm aiming for a VBAC. I would also be trying to do so without an epidural.

Baby soon for you! Yay!

I was petrified during both pregnancies but did hypnobirthing so during the actual labour, I stayed really calm.

First birth was so peaceful and I did it silently and without pain killers. I felt like an actual superhero!

Second birth I screamed like a demon and demanded an epidural 😂 the epidural was amazing!!

No matter which way it goes, it's great that you're not afraid but go in without any expectations.

One who maybe needs to grasp that being relaxed is great, but 'other issues' might arise.

We do pregnant women no favours in believing 'a positive mindset' will mitigate against what might happen.

We all hope it won't (when it goes tits up).

Being calm, even welcoming labour is great, but also give some thought to how you'll cope if it isn't.

TBF, no one would visit the dentist a second time after root canal work if human brains weren't design to forget pain!

No fear is great. As long as it's not accompanied with a naive disregard of what can, and might 'not go according to plan'.

With respect, once you're in the situation of needing one, you'll be begging. Sorry, but them's the facts.

Research the 'paralysis' stats.

Personally I wouldn't go into it with any plan. You don't know how you'll feel or how things will work out. There is no medal for not having pain relief, I wish other mums wouldn't mention what, if any, pain relief they had - it's really not relevant. No two births are the same. Just do what you need to do at the time.

Do you know how much I loath this? 'Body made to birth a baby'. Many western women now have pelvis outlets too small to birth a big baby, coupled with diets that grow big babies.

And, would you like to research how many women died in childbirth so very recently?

In the past, female bodies that couldn't birth a baby resulted in two deaths. Just 'BEEELEEVING' all will be well is both naive and irresponsible.