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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Boyf wants me to terminate

79 replies

Popalina65 · 20/03/2023 16:51

New relationship, had a drunken fumble... I took the morning after pill... now I'm pregnant. Without to much detail.... he says he kinda knew in that split moment that he had a choice but like a bowling ball went for the strike! He said he sensed that I would be pregnant.

We are both into each other but we've not really got our relationship off the ground. Early days I guess.

I'm pregnant, 41, He's 48. we both have 4 children each from our previous marriages my youngest is 12 his youngest is 5.... the others range from 15-24.

I had a abortion consultation yesterday and it just feels sooooooo wrong to me. I think i want to try and have this baby if my body would allow it. He however thinks i should terminate. He says he's to old and wants to travel.... all of which won't be happening anytime soon because he's probably the most disorganised man I've ever met. He has week on week off with his son and he's knackered that week and then recovering the following week and then the loop continues.

I know that I can afford to have this baby alone, financially, physically and emotionally but I just hate how he feels that I am controlling and have his life in my hands. He said it's important that we are 50-50 on decisions but we are not on the same page. I feel my 50 is agreeing to terminate which gives him his own way.

He has said it's my choice and will support me and the baby.... but he doesn't think that I'll relationship will survive it. I think I'll only be having a termination because I feel like he doesn't want it.... but at times he's been excited. I believe if I terminated I wouldn't be able to be in his life.

Am I being unreasonable to put myself first... my first four children were planned yet when my marriage dissolved my husband left all five of us... not just me.... having very little contact with our children. I've raised them alone for just over 12 years (husband had an affair, left when I was 34weeks pregnant) the only consistent thing he's done is be an arse!

I've started to confide in my friends and they've all said you make your decision for you not for anyone else.

Anyone got any experience or advice x

OP posts:
Farmgirl12 · 10/04/2023 11:16

Oh my days you poor thing. You want this baby you have it, he then decides if he wants to be involved. If not he can jog on.

don’t let anyone else tell you what to do with your body.

you’ll do amazing what ever you choose, sounds like you’ve done a pretty amazing job with your other children ❤️

IsolatedWilderness · 10/04/2023 11:18

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You're right. It is exceptionally selfish of a man to refuse to take care of and be responsible for the child he created. It is exceptionally selfish of a man to deprive a child of their father. He makes an adult choice, he needs to accept adult responsibility. Any deprivation of a father is all on him.

SoupDragon · 10/04/2023 11:18

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He made his choice when he decided to carry on with the sex. It was a conscious decision on his part.

Collisionofus77 · 10/04/2023 11:22

SoupDragon · 10/04/2023 11:18

He made his choice when he decided to carry on with the sex. It was a conscious decision on his part.

Show quote history

And hers! He’s not 100% responsible for the pregnancy but 0% responsible for a choice after conception. Ridiculous logic. I would have a different opinion if they were in a long term committed relationship plus he’s made his feelings clear. She is entirely making the decision to deprive that child because she knows way in advance of birth how he feels but she’s doing it anyway. Poor kid & poor bloke

FlannelandPuce · 10/04/2023 11:30

Hope everything goes ok today x

SoupDragon · 10/04/2023 11:31

Collisionofus77 · 10/04/2023 11:22

And hers! He’s not 100% responsible for the pregnancy but 0% responsible for a choice after conception. Ridiculous logic. I would have a different opinion if they were in a long term committed relationship plus he’s made his feelings clear. She is entirely making the decision to deprive that child because she knows way in advance of birth how he feels but she’s doing it anyway. Poor kid & poor bloke

Show quote history

Of course he has no choice in what happens after conception. It isn't his body. He gets to put forward his opinion but the choice isn't his to make. His choice was whether to continue with unprotected sex.

How is the OP depriving the child of a father? Do you think she should have deprived it of a life instead? The father gets to decide whether he is involved or not. Given he said he would be happy to try again in 2 years he's cellar not completely against it.

OP I hope everything turns out well for you!

IsolatedWilderness · 10/04/2023 11:32

Collisionofus77 · 10/04/2023 11:22

And hers! He’s not 100% responsible for the pregnancy but 0% responsible for a choice after conception. Ridiculous logic. I would have a different opinion if they were in a long term committed relationship plus he’s made his feelings clear. She is entirely making the decision to deprive that child because she knows way in advance of birth how he feels but she’s doing it anyway. Poor kid & poor bloke

Show quote history

His choice came before conception - to take the risk. Please mothers and fathers, educate your sons and daughters about risks and responsibilities. Not just your daughters. Both parties are 100% responsible for any conception.

Twillow · 10/04/2023 11:33

I'm all for abortion rights but it sounds as if you want the baby. That's fine, as long as you decide if you are happy with or without him.

Eatentoomanyroses · 10/04/2023 11:42

I hope it goes well today. For what it’s worth he sounds awful. Knowing it was split and going for it anyway, predicting your pregnancy like he thinks he’s god, then trying to emotionally blackmail you into abortion by saying the relationship only has a chance if you abort. He clearly thought you’d choose him over the unborn baby. Thinks far too much of himself. Yuck. Oh and then needs a week to recover from having his own children…I hope you don’t continue the romantic side of the relationship

Comedycook · 10/04/2023 11:45

Boyf thinks we should terminate and try again in the future (2years) when our relationship is fully established

he's spinning you a yarn

Collisionofus77 · 10/04/2023 11:47

SoupDragon · 10/04/2023 11:31

Of course he has no choice in what happens after conception. It isn't his body. He gets to put forward his opinion but the choice isn't his to make. His choice was whether to continue with unprotected sex.

How is the OP depriving the child of a father? Do you think she should have deprived it of a life instead? The father gets to decide whether he is involved or not. Given he said he would be happy to try again in 2 years he's cellar not completely against it.

OP I hope everything turns out well for you!

Show quote history

Fine then but don’t expect him to be financially responsible if it’s 100% your choice. She’s just as irresponsible & shame on both of them but more shame on her at least he’s not making unilateral decisions about her life of which she has no control

Original poster
Popalina65 · 10/04/2023 11:54

The relationship is over...

@Collisionofus77 I have no expectations from him.... in fact this was the one time that we had sex without a condom and that condom was removed!

Not that I should have to justify myself to the likes of you and your opinion but this baby is a result of 'stealthing' a form of sexual assault that I have tried to dress up as him being horny because the reality is far worse.

He is fully aware that this baby is here because of his actions because during our 5 month relationship we have never had sex without a condom.

He knows that he has a financial and emotional responsibility to this child but I have no expectations.

What i do know however is that I am an amazing mother with a support network most could only dream of! So yes I will keep my baby if I can because this baby didn't ask for this!

Can I just thank each one of you that's has defended me in this thread.... my whole world has been turned upside down and I took the MAP to prevent this situation! Taking the abortion pill is not the same!

OP posts:
Eatentoomanyroses · 10/04/2023 11:57

Collisionofus77 · 10/04/2023 10:58

I think you need to take his feelings about it into account, it’s not just your decision as I presume you’ll expect him to be in child's life & pay for him/her which he doesn’t want to do & why should he be forced to do that unless you don’t want him to be in child's life or expect him to financially support child, if not then fine but to force that on him is wrong imo so maybe more discussion needs to be had

He ‘forced’ her the moment he carried on having sex with a split condom. She consented to protected sex not unprotected sex. Why should she then be further forced into having an abortion procedure she doesn’t want? He will legally be responsible( financially at least) for the consequences of his actions. No idea why you think that’s wrong.

IsolatedWilderness · 10/04/2023 11:58

I'm so sorry OP, but am glad you can recognise it for the sexual assault it was. Wishing you all the best for today.

Eatentoomanyroses · 10/04/2023 12:00

@Popalina65 please ignore @Collisionofus77. Disgisting attitude

Original poster
Popalina65 · 10/04/2023 12:01

IsolatedWilderness · 10/04/2023 11:58

I'm so sorry OP, but am glad you can recognise it for the sexual assault it was. Wishing you all the best for today.

Thank you x I didn't realise until I didn't go through with the abortion. I told my best friend and she told me about it. I have contacted rape crisis who are supporting me.

OP posts:
IsolatedWilderness · 10/04/2023 12:03

Great to hear you have found support with this, OP. You sound like a strong woman.

bondsy · 10/04/2023 12:09

Wow some of the comments on here are shocking!

Handhold OP Flowers I'm glad you're getting some support and i really hope the scan goes ok.

rainbowstardrops · 10/04/2023 12:22

I hope your scan goes well Flowers

SoupDragon · 10/04/2023 12:25

Collisionofus77 · 10/04/2023 11:47

Fine then but don’t expect him to be financially responsible if it’s 100% your choice. She’s just as irresponsible & shame on both of them but more shame on her at least he’s not making unilateral decisions about her life of which she has no control

Show quote history

Turns out she wasn't as irresponsible at all.

anyway, you seem to have avoided the question about how you think she is depriving the child of a father. Probably because you can't answer it.

Snowite · 10/04/2023 12:40

Little virtual hand hold and best wishes for your scan, op 💐

FangedFrisbee · 10/04/2023 12:48

@Popalina65 if it makes you feel better if it is a molar pregnancy it happened at conception. Also it would be abundantly clear at the scan because it's not an empty gestation sac but more a massive amount of grape like structures. It's very different to a normal pregnancy and your hcg goes exponentially high very fast. Lots of pregnancy symptoms like vomiting etc.

I've had 1 and it was so different to my other pregnancies.

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 10/04/2023 12:50

@Collisionofus77 why do you have to be so nasty? Your attitude and talk of shame is disgusting. If anyone should be ashamed on their behaviour, it's you.

This woman posted for advice and support not your shite.

OP, I hope everything goes well for you. Ignore the assholes.

Remagirl · 10/04/2023 12:55

I hope all goes well for you. I'm glad you have chosen to do what feels right for you and haven't been coerced into a termination x

CAJIE · 10/04/2023 12:55

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