MIL buying pram without consulting

[Levi18]

So I’m 9 weeks almost 10 weeks pregnant with my first baby, my MIL is apparently really excited (her 5th grandchild) I haven’t seen her only met her once. Today my OH told me that she found a great deal and bought me a pram. I was in complete shock and asked what sort of pram? Why did she buy it etc. he doesn’t even know what colour just that it’s an ickle bubba maybe the stomp one, after it settled I told him that while it’s a really nice gift and nice thought, it’s far too early, also my mum wanted to buy me my 1st pram and that I wanted to go around and look at prams do research etc. he took this very badly saying he’s really thankful that she bought such an expensive gift for us, he went in a strop said he’ll tell her to send it back but she’ll be furious and really upset! I told him not to bother telling her, but have since asked for her number I thought I might message her and say the above really, I cannot see how she would be upset or angry surely you don’t just buy someone a pram without consulting them first? Any advice?

Well my ex MIL found one in some bushes for my first kid and had the biggest if strops that I wouldn't use it. I don't think there is away around the strop really.

Just tell her it's very kind but you're superstitious and don't want to buy a pram so early and can she please cancel it

Buy her a reborn doll? (lighthearted)

Why don't you let DP sort it out, as he's offered to, and it's his mum.

It's really not unreasonable of you to want to choose your own pram - you are going to be pushing it for a long time! I wouldn't mention though that you want your mum to be able to buy it, that kind of blatant favouritism to your own DM over his could be upsetting.

Good luck, any grandmother who oversteps so badly by buying a pram with no consultation is going to be a nightmare.

It’s odd you’ve only met your MIL once. How long have you been together? I would go gently with this; she obviously is very excited for another grandchild and is doing something nice, albeit in her mind.
Could you suggest she keep the pram at hers for if she has baby as you’ve already chosen the one you want (I know you haven’t yet but you have time to)
I too would leave out the fact you want your mum to buy it for you. It is quite a popular pram so it could be one you end up wanting anyway. Perhaps have a look at it online before you make a decision how to proceed?

Prams are very personal to your circumstances - they need to fit in your car boot (if you drive), be right for the public transport you use, be suitable for the places you go. I lived it a flat, for example, I needed something very light indeed which ruled out a lot.

I'd maybe text her something like, DH has told me you've ordered a pram, that's extremely generous! Can you tell me which one so I can add it into my research and see if it's right for our main pram or more a spare for travel/outings etc?

If it's not suitable for you, you can ask her to keep it at hers or return it, her choice.

YANBU. I see trouble ahead if that's the way she goes about things.

I agree with you that it is too early and that you need to research the one you want/ need. For example we had a small car when Dd was born so needed something that would fit in the boot.

Let your DH handle it.

Point out that - it is too early to buy a pram, and you need more time to decide what you want.

pick some feature the ickle bubba doesn't have and insist on that feature. I like a toddler to be able to lie flat to sleep - naps are really important when you are out & about with a 1 year old. and a buggy should be narrow if you are getting it on & off buses etc. Lack of those would rule out the Ickle Bubba.

Just let her buy it, it can stay at hers as a spare. It’s certainly a bit odd to buy anything so early in pregnancy but she has maybe bought prams for all her grandchildren and wants to do the same for this one too.

smile, thank her kindly and ask your oh to ask her not to buy anymore big ticket items without having a conversation with you both first.

Deff let your OH deal with his mother. But be warned - this is what the future looks like. You need to set boundaries now and OH needs to stick to them with her too.

I’m sure she meant it kindly, but it is so much too early and you have every right to enjoy the full baby kit research and shopping experience. I think you can either go with PP’s suggestion of blaming it on superstition or tell a white lie and say you got over excited when tested positive and ordered one then but didn’t tell DH because you felt silly.
I wish people wouldn’t do things like this — or if they do that they would take it very gracefully when their gift is refused. My SiL does it too (though fortunately on a smaller scale) and it makes me really uncomfortable. Eg without asking she bought me maternity wear during both pregnancies. I assume it was an item she found very useful during her own pregnancies but we are very different shapes and the same item makes zero sense for me. Don’t even know how I would wear it. Same after the babies came — sent lots of sterilising tablets and bottle feeding stuff even though I was EBF. A ‘tiny baby’ outfit for up to 7lb baby three weeks after we brought home our 7.5lb + at birth baby. I asked DH to gently return all the gifts so she could get her money back but he told me she’d just be upset and that I should just write her a thank you note. But I honestly don’t see what I’m supposed to thank her for! A bunch of stuff I then had to take to the charity shop as if I didn’t have enough to do.

Yes a bit early, but she obviously meant it as a kind way. Can't your mum find something else that she'd like to buy? There's no real reason it should be from your mum rather than hers. It may not be the one you've chosen and I can understand a bit of a feeling of disappointment but it is just a pram and someone has been kind enough to get it for you. Get dp to have a chat about next time running larger purchases past you both, but don't let it become a big deal this time. If keep it for now as you don't know yet what will work, then if after baby is here it isn't working out you can always change it. We didn't use the pram all that much in the end as dd much preferred being carried, babies are so different you never know until he or she is here what they will like.

Thank you for all the replies! It is of course a really nice thing. However as a few posters have mentioned I’m also concerned she’s going to be a bit of a nightmare! My OH was really off with me about the whole thing which also really concerns me, he kept saying how this means he and his family aren’t going to be involved in any decisions 🤯 I was absolutely not going to mention my mum in the message as I don’t want her feeling pushed out either. I’ve looked at the pram I'm really not sure on it but obviously I haven’t even looked at prams yet. I’m really unsure of what to say without upsetting anyone but I’m also aware that I need to set boundaries too

It's just too early

Is your realtionship fairly new?
I would sit down with him and have the massive MIL needs to be in her place ASAP.

If you break up now because of it then so be it. But get it all done now and not when it's to late.

I'd have been grateful & wasnt too fussed on pram. Our travel system was given to us second hand but worth £1k. Unusual to have only Meg her once tho

Let her leave it at her house and you get the one you want. It's a power play.. don't reward it.

Your MIL should of involved you, it was not her place to buy your pram, and its too early.
However it's unfair for you to say she can't buy one cause your mother is, it's clearly favouritism and you should be equal in who buys what if they both want to buy big ticket items.

Get your OH to tell his mother to slow down, and back off a bit. And go meet your MIL?!

To answer some of the questions I have met my MIL only once, we have only been together 8 months, she works shifts as do I so unfortunately it’s meant we’ve had difficulties finding a date that suits everyone to meet. I am not bothered who buys the pram I’m more than happy to buy my own, my mum said at Christmas she wanted to buy it when the time comes and I said thank you.

Get your partner to tell her to cancel the order/return it. 1) it’s far too early, 2) it’s the first boundary overstepped that if you don’t tackle it will only get worse.

Its not easy, I’m sorry - it’s really hard when you just wish you weren’t in this position.

Oh this is a tricky one. Could you not maybe fib and tell her that you already have a pram that you love?

Yea that's still honeymoon period.
I was you once. You need to have this blow up.

You need to tell him that this may be yours and his baby but the families are still strangers.
Boundaries need to be respected.

How is she going to behave post partum? How is he going to take the fact that your mum will more than likely be allowed around you and be able to do more than his?

What if you want your mum in the delivery room and not his?

For an easy life.....
And rather than hurt her feelings.....
Could you accept the pram & just produce it the occasional time you see your MIL?
You can then choose your own pram yourself.
It just might help things in the long term.
Her gesture is probably well meaning 🤞

I would be annoyed also and as this is your first child understandably you want to look at prams yourself and get one that you like and that suits your needs. As your fella to get the product code and look at it and see what you think. She is overstepping here and just tell him that you think it is a lovely idea but you wanted to pick one that suits you and she probably has different tastes to you. He should be on your side so just as well you have not been seeing her loads as she sounds too much.