AIBU - My partner should take responsibility for my son?

[MumOfTwoBeans]

I have a 2 year old son and I have a baby on the way with my partner.

I live with this man but he doesn’t like doing things for my son. He says my son is not his responsibility and that he shouldn’t have to do things for him but he does anyway, usually after he’s expressed he doesn’t want to or mumbling/moaning under his breath.

He says I favour my son over our unborn child and that I spoil my son.

I feel like I’ve failed as a mum because my son has got a dad who doesn’t bother and another dad who doesn’t want to deal with him.

Are my expectations too high? What would you do? I don’t want to stay with someone who doesn’t want to take responsibility for my child as his own, especially at his young age, it’s not fair on him and I don’t want it to affect his development

Your poor child. How could you put your own needs above his. Get rid of this horrible loser. You are setting your child up for miserable life if you stay.

The fact your 2 year old will hear this from
him - is already impacting him!
Get your child away from such a selfish excuse

Best comment on the thread.

How can you possibly expect some random bloke to switch into dad mode for a child that is not his? An absurd expectation.

I'm glad people are with me on this and not just all jumping on the 'you are unpleasant' with a PP. My daughter's dad walked out when she was 18 months. This was just under 2 years ago and I could not imagine for a second being involved with a man for that long, having him move in to my child's home/safe space, ESPECIALLY if he gave me the impression he didn't like her. The first sign of not liking her and he'd have been kicked to the kerb. And I certainly would not be having another child in that space of time in these circumstances. I have been dating someone for several months. Though I mention her in passing, they've never met and they won't until I am absolutely sure it will be for the long term. I will never rush to move in or have another child. My child will always be my priority and its the way it should be. So if anyone thinks I'm harsh then fine, but even my child's dad walking out caused enough trauma in her little head without adding in a man who didn't care about her. I'd not be attracted to someone who'd be like that about my child, much less sleeping with them. And when I say care, I don't expect a man to replace her dad, but I'd expect them to know she will always be first.

This has happened to my DS to the point that my ex-h's partner is now subject of a prohibitive steps order. He still married her though despite knowing she was abusive towards DS. He no longer has contact with us. The damage to my child is irreparable despite long term therapy. I'm sorry this happened to you

OP said on another thread that she knew this bloke for four months before he impregnated her. Any safeguarding the 2yr old at all?

YANBU. He is supposed to be your partner and the father to your unborn child. If he cared about you at all he should care about your child by extension. I’m not saying he should be paying child maintenance every month but jesus christ he should be able to help out with changing a nappy or two. Even if you weren’t in a relationship (say he was a friend who just popped round), I would find it really bizarre if you asked for help and this was his response.

I understand blended families take time to build relations/bonds but he doesn’t sound interested at all. Your are one family but here he is drawing up lines. What next? your child has to go eat seperately to ‘his family’ or some madness.

TBH he sounds like a massive bellend and I would not tolerate someone who showed this much indifference to my child. It’s a great big flashing red flag and I would jog him on sharpish.

Yes actually, if you read the step parent board, you will see there are many who don't think a step parent has any responsibility to feed their step children, including at times they are feeding their own children with the step children present.

That has actually been the focus of a couple of threads and overwhelmingly the view is that the step parent has no duty to feed the children and that it is fine for step children to go unfed while the parent feeds their own child as feeding a child is solely the responsbility of the parents and not the stepparents and certainly not a boyfriend. It is considered irresponsible and disrespectful to put expectations like making meals on a step parent for the step child.