Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Mum on holiday when I'm due / to be upset

63 replies

lockdownmummax · 23/12/2022 14:55

spent most of the day crying over this :( fear of going through labour alone,

So my official due date is 6th January, my baby is measuring big so my consultant is giving me a sweep on the 30th and if that doesn't work they want me in for an induction, fine by me

I asked my mum to be my birthing partner a couple months ago, she agree'd and it was planned my dad would watch my toddler whilst I gave birth and my mum would come to my birth!
about a month ago I was informed they where going on a cabin holiday for 5 days over new year ( starting the 30th ) I was quite upset as it wasn't my mum that told me it was my dad, my mum never mentioned she may not be able to attend the birth or anything, I felt quite upset due to this as I've mentioned to my mum I have a fear of dying during childbirth and would feel more comfortable with my mum being there too, my partner is great and really supportive but he nesrkt fainted when I was getting my bloods done,

Anyway, I am having a sweep on the 30th, my mums away on holiday, there will be heavy drinking on the holiday so coming back if I need them wouldn't be an option, my papa offered to step in but once I told him the date he said he was going to his partners for new year and I should take my toddler to the hospital with me

I have the absolute fear of giving birth alone if my partner has to stay home with my toddler and I'm feeling really upset st my mum j feel she has really let me down and goes about it like it's nothing " ie agreeing to be my birthing partner and not telling me she may not be able to as she's on holiday " I've cried most of the day :(

My partners mum can help out however she works in the hospital and is working all through Christmas, she said she will keep her phone on and leave straight away however she lives far away and isn't confident in driving to our house so will have to wait on someone coming in the car with her ( she doesn't know how to use Google maps ect ) I am very thankful she can come to help us but also anxious she may not get here on time
should I approach my mum about this? I have just ignored her last message

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Hugasauras · 23/12/2022 15:05

I think it is crap of her, OP, sorry Sad I'm not surprised you are upset.

MamboJamboWambo · 23/12/2022 15:05

Yes definitely speak to her. Maybe she is being a bit clueless with not considering keeping the weeks around your due date free. Or maybe it's not even the case that she's going away

glasshole · 23/12/2022 15:07

My DD has just given birth for the second time and she was really unhappy that we had plans that happened to coincide with her giving birth etc. I say this as gently as possible, this is YOUR baby. Not your mums or dads. They have done their part in raising you. Why not consider a home birth? From what I understand most hospitals are running really behind on inductins too due to staff shortages etc so you could very well go over due. It's a little unfair to expect other Pele to put their lives on hold. You could look into hiring a doula? A paid for baby sitting service for the toddler? There really are lots of options.

Fluffyhoglets · 23/12/2022 15:20

Yes thats crap if they'd promised they'd be there for you and have now booked a holiday. I'm not surprised you're upset.
Make plans with others you can rely on.
I'd ask her why she said she'd be there at your birth but now booked to be away instead as its causing you difficulties an you are upset as you thought you could rely on her..
I hope all goes well with the birth.

kkneat · 23/12/2022 15:29

My motto in life is don’t rely on anyone. I gave birth alone to my middle child as my childcare felt through.

NandoReindeer · 23/12/2022 15:32

I understand why you are sad, I would be too. You could ask her if she forgot the date, and see what she says?

Somatronic · 23/12/2022 15:39

I'm due the day before you, and clearly the timing of their holiday is bananas!

@glasshole OP isn't making unreasonable demands of anyone here. Her parents made a commitment to help her at the time of the birth and now they've reneged on that. I think she has every right to be upset about it.

Can your husband come to the birth and find someone to take your other child for you? My best friend's husband is absolutely useless when it comes to anything relating to women's anatomy or medical settings (he fainted once when we were talking about periods) and he managed to attend his child's birth and did a great job supporting his wife. Your husband may surprise you?

Otherwise maybe hold off the induction until your due date?

oakleaffy · 23/12/2022 15:44

@lockdownmummax You have a partner!
I thought you would be alone.
My parents arranged a South Of France holiday, and it was their first Grandchild!
I’m sure you won’t die in childbirth- this is 21st Century-
Be thankful you have a good partner.
Best of luck 🍀

Lottie917 · 23/12/2022 15:51

Sorry you're feeling this way OP. I'd definitely have a conversation with your Mum about it. Just as a thought, when I had DS my Mum's generation and my Nan's seem to think the due date is the exact date baby will come (Drove. Me. Mad. 🤯) they didn't seem to grasp the idea that they could really arrive at any time, esp from 37 weeks. Perhaps does your Mum also abide to this, therefore thought she'd be back in time? It's definitely something my Mum would do and that would be her thought process, with no intention of letting me down deliberately, or anything like that, it would be completely innocent.

I understand if your partner cannot cope in those sorts of situations, he may not be the best birth partner for you / able to advocate for you whilst you are in Iabour, so perhaps he's best to look after your toddler. Do you have any other close family members or friends that may be able to step in as birth partner? Perhaps ask a few people if you can so that if one of them isn't available you have others to ask too. Alternatively, a doula could be an optiom if that's financially viable for you. Hope it gets sorted out for you OP x

AntiqueCestChic · 23/12/2022 15:52

It's really crap of your mum to agree to be your birthing partner - then booking a holiday around your due date. She's really let you down there.

If she hadn't of wanted to be your birth partner or had wanted a holiday then that's ok - but she shouldn't have agreed to being your BP. She's not left you long to make alternative arrangements.

Fwiw my baby's grandparents booked a holiday abroad over my due date which is fine - it's my baby not theirs!- but they had never agreed to be my bp!

Definitely look into a doula to support you - or a babysitter or friend to look after your child so your partner can be with you.

Also, be aware that many grandparents don't want to have the level of involvement in their kids and grand kids lives that we sometimes expect them to. Their choice!

Reindeersnooker · 23/12/2022 15:56

glasshole · 23/12/2022 15:07

My DD has just given birth for the second time and she was really unhappy that we had plans that happened to coincide with her giving birth etc. I say this as gently as possible, this is YOUR baby. Not your mums or dads. They have done their part in raising you. Why not consider a home birth? From what I understand most hospitals are running really behind on inductins too due to staff shortages etc so you could very well go over due. It's a little unfair to expect other Pele to put their lives on hold. You could look into hiring a doula? A paid for baby sitting service for the toddler? There really are lots of options.

I couldn't disagree more. Her mother has already agreed and it's her first baby. It's crazy to suggest she has a home birth for her first baby if she hasn't chosen to of her own accord and is measuring large. I say this gently but she has a right to consideration and respect.

Reindeersnooker · 23/12/2022 15:56

I would be upset too, op.

Tlolljs · 23/12/2022 16:01

Perhaps she thinks she’ll be back before the 6th? Half expecting you to go over a bit. Then you’re dates have changed.
Really only a babysitter you need for the toddler.

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 23/12/2022 16:06

Did you have a traumatic Labour first time, OP? If so, I can understand your distress.

Don’t you have a pal who could look after your toddler until your MIL can get there?

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 23/12/2022 16:07

Reindeersnooker · 23/12/2022 15:56

I couldn't disagree more. Her mother has already agreed and it's her first baby. It's crazy to suggest she has a home birth for her first baby if she hasn't chosen to of her own accord and is measuring large. I say this gently but she has a right to consideration and respect.

Show quote history

She has a toddler. This isn’t her first birth.

user1474315215 · 23/12/2022 16:08

glasshole · 23/12/2022 15:07

My DD has just given birth for the second time and she was really unhappy that we had plans that happened to coincide with her giving birth etc. I say this as gently as possible, this is YOUR baby. Not your mums or dads. They have done their part in raising you. Why not consider a home birth? From what I understand most hospitals are running really behind on inductins too due to staff shortages etc so you could very well go over due. It's a little unfair to expect other Pele to put their lives on hold. You could look into hiring a doula? A paid for baby sitting service for the toddler? There really are lots of options.

I don't see how your plans could 'happen to coincide' with the birth? Presumably you had at least 6 months notice of her due date and chose to make your plans - no wonder she's unhappy.

purpledalmation · 23/12/2022 16:10

Speak to her about it and ask why. Maybe they can move the date back, or you could have a c section a little earlier?

Original poster
lockdownmummax · 23/12/2022 16:13

@Hugasauras
Thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
lockdownmummax · 23/12/2022 16:13

@MamboJamboWambo
I think I have to speak to her x

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 23/12/2022 16:13

Do you need a sweep and an induction, op? I've heard induced labours take longer.

Get partner's mum to come over to look after your older child, if she cannot drive there she can get a cab and later on, your partner can take her home.

He will be fine with you during labour and so will the midwives.

Original poster
lockdownmummax · 23/12/2022 16:14

@glasshole
I can't have a home birth as I am a high risk pregnant unfortunately!
I have never heard of that service x

OP posts:
Original poster
lockdownmummax · 23/12/2022 16:14

@Fluffyhoglets
Thank you x
I am trying to sort everything out just now, just feel quite let down by my mum x

OP posts:
nowtygaffer · 23/12/2022 16:15

My mum did this 20 years ago for my first birth. I ended up having an EMCS. Thank god for my beautiful mil. I will be there for any of my children if/when I wanted.

Original poster
lockdownmummax · 23/12/2022 16:17

@Somatronic
My partner was always gojng to be there I had asked my mum to be my 2nd birthing partner due to my partner being terrible in medical settings, i don't have anyone else able to watch my toddler apart from my MIL who may not make it on time due to travel and work that's why I had arranged this with my mum and dad and I'm worried I'm gojng to be myself during labour as my partner may have to stay with my toddler

OP posts:
NoelNoNoel · 23/12/2022 16:18

I had my third baby without my DH or DM there and it was an amazing experience. I knew my other DC were safe at home with my DH and the could just concentrate on myself and my breathing etc.
If it comes to this don’t be scared.