Pregnant? Don't know what to do

[Anon2792]

Hey, around 3 weeks ago I had sex with someone, we're not together but we've been I guess friends with benefits for a while. We used a condom but after he pulled out we saw it was split and I went to the toilet as soon as we saw. On the 12th, a day or two after I expected my period, I started bleeding, it was a lot lighter than my usual period but over the next 3 days it got heavier so I assumed it was my period. It stopped yesterday which is unusual for me as well as it normally lasts about 5 days not 3. I've done 2 clearblues, one yesterday which is a dark blue line but it's thinner than the control line, and one about an hour ago which is faint but definitely there. I feel like I'm kind of in denial, I'm 17 turning 18 in march and I can't really get my head around it, I keep telling myself they're faulty tests but I don't think two of them would coincidentally be false positives. I also did a hcg strip test when I was on my 'period' and there was a faint line but I thought it wasn't really one because obviously I thought I was on my period. I don't really know what to do and I keep thinking to myself that they're faulty but deep down I know that it's probably not.

Well it’s sounds like you’re pregnant
it sounds accidental
the choice is yours
it’s still very early days

You’re unlikely to get false positives

Yep as PP says, you're very unlikely to get a false positive. I felt the same way when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter at 17. It's hard to accept. The choice is yours completely

I'm going to do another test tomorrow with my first pee because that should give me a more definite answer. If I am, then I will probably keep it. I had an early miscarriage last year which I still think is my fault and since then I've always said if I was ever pregnant again I would keep it because the heartbreak of last time I don't think I could go through that kind of thing again. The problem is is that me and the maybe dad aren't together, we live together in a support accomodation bc I left my parents place earlier this year, and we're like I said friends but with benefits. In some ways I am excited and will probably be a little bit sad if it's negative tomorrow but I am also shitting myself if it isn't.

Even if the line is faint is it still definitely positive? And the one from before is very blue but it's thinner than the other line.

Im also worried because my diet is really bad, bc I live on my own I have to buy my own food but I feel like it's a waste buying food shopping when I could spend the money on something else and I'm also picky so I just mostly eat toast potato waffles microwave rice or microwave meals. I'm worried this is gonna cause problems with the baby and I also have been drinking and smoking weed since it happened. I don't smoke a lot of wedd but more time when I'm out with my mates we'll have one or two spliffs between us so I'm worried this also has hurt the baby obviously if I actually am then I'll stop but I'm scared kt has already hurt it

I've got cramps in my lower stomach and I'm also really hungry I'm just confused about the bleeding as it was way heavier than what I've heard implant bleeding is which should be spotting apparently.

Any line is a positive test. It doesn't need to be dark.

I know I'm probably going to get flamed for this but honey you need to take a good look at your life. You're 17, possibly pregnant for a second time, living in supported accommodation, unstable maybe relationship.

Being a single mum is HARD, a teenage single mum with no family help even harder. How will you afford the baby? Will your supported accommodation even allow you to stay with a baby? How are you going to house yourselves, pay the bills?

If you are pregnant, what you do is your choice. But if you're not, and a baby is what you want, take a look at your life and what you need to do to bring a baby into this world and give it some security. What kind of job would you like? Educate yourself - I don't just mean A levels and uni, I mean there are great apprenticeship options out there too. Generate a stable environment. Find a good partner to have a child with. Ask yourself why you're in this situation? Is it bad luck or because you're taking risks? Is there a reason you're relying on condoms for contraception? I know some people (myself included) can't take hormones but if its an option you might want to think about doubling up to protect yourself.

I know it probably sounds like I'm judging you but I'm not. When I read your post I see a scared, lost young woman that just needs a good mum hug and some help with sorting her life out and getting some direction.

Hey I know you're not judging me and I know people are probably thinking of me as some tramp who lives in a care home but it's not like that. I'm quite mature I've had to mature a lot and I left home because of some circumstances that meant it was just better if I just left and my relationship with my parents is a bit better as in we don't argue now I see them a few times a week have dinner at their house and everything. I know they would be disappointed but they would support methe best they can. I use condoms bc two of my close friends have been on birth control and it made them depressed and gain weight so I just didn't want to do that. Thank u for being nice

No one is judging you. No one thinks your a tramp.

It's just lots of women here know how hard life can be with a baby, as a single mum, limited income. It shouldn't be that way but it is.

You have your whole life ahead of you. You have choice. A baby isn't all hearts and roses. They bring much joy but much hardship.

Birth control- many many people use it without side effects. You should see what's right for you.

As you've had bleeding and cramps, and the lines on your tests are not very dark (although you haven't posted them so it's a bit hard to know) you may be having a chemical pregnancy.

Yeah I know it won't all be good but personally I think it would be worth it my plans for the future is to study psychology I can do it at open uni if I do end up having a baby so that I can do it from home, the first test is very dark but it's thinner and the second test isnt dark but u can easily see it. Idk what a chemical pregnancy is but how do I know if it is or not

OP if you struggle to have a decent diet yourself are you sure you're in a position to look after a baby?

There'll be support there if you are but there's no rush in making a decision.

I just have a bad diet because to me I don't wanna make food that I probably like and spend a lot of money on it for no reason so I just buy things that I know I'll actually eat

Hey OP.. another one to say please think very very carefully about this.

You have a very unrealistic view of being able to study with a baby. Especially if you are on your own !

I started a degree with the OU when my eldest was born. I had one baby a husband to help and paid Mat leave from my job. It was still impossible to study effectively. I had two more babies and had to shelive it. I restarted 3 years ago when youngest went to Uni..

By FAR the easiest and most effective way to study and to study well is to do it on your own. Don't make your life harder than it already is.

I expect your difficult home life has made you really really want some love in your life and you see a baby as a means to have that (which is completely understandable) BUT it takes a long time to get the live back .. for what seems like eons it will be utter exhaustion like you have never known and ALL the live will be one way.

Please think carefully. You will probably get a load of ' I had six kids before I was 20 and now run a multinational company' but the statistical reality of the life outcomes from a child born in your circumstances are very very poor.

Do your study.. get your qualifications, meet a kind supportive partner who shares your dreams and aspirations and have some children .. that will be a mostly enjoyable experience. Having a child at 17 whilst in supported accommodation and no partner is going to be a pretty awful experience.

It's entirely up to you what you do if you're pregnant.

I have friends that had children at your age and they've made it work. I personally couldn't of coped at that age with a baby, no way. However when I planned my son at 24 years old I knew 100% I was ready for this, we both did.

What im saying is you have to listen to your gut and think realistically. The questions I think you need to ask yourself are,

1. Are you prepared to be a single parent and do it solo?
2. Can you manage financially paying everything on benefits just for a while untill childcare / work is sorted?
3. Eventually you'll have to move, are you in a position where gas, eletric, food, phone bill, WiFi, nappies, clothes etc is going to be easy to keep up with, without falling into debt?
4. Are you prepared to stop weed, stop drinking, give up nights out with your friends for a while?
5. Are you prepared that at your age you may actually end up losing your friendships you've got when your friends are off having fun and you can't go along anymore?
6. Can you cope with no sleep and a baby that will rely on you for everything?

Don't get me wrong being a parent is absolutely amazing, and I wouldn't swap it with the world. But my god I've had my moments where even with support I've struggled mentally as it really is a 24hr job that's never finished.

No one can tell you what to do or how it'll work out for you, you might have this baby and have the best experience, you might have this baby and regret it, but both of those could happen at any age. Just remember you're young and have your whole life to settle down and meet someone to create a family with.

Don't rush into anything, speak to your friends / parents about it, speak to the babies dad about it, look into how expensive everything is, try looking into proper housing and the waiting time etc.

The health visitor and midwife will be able to give you lots of options and numbers / groups for support if you do continue.

Good luck, if you definitely are pregnant I wish you a healthy pregnancy and a positive start to motherhood. Go into it one day at a time with no expectations of yourself or baby. It really is life changing in the most magical / chaotic but best way.

Merry Christmas 🎅

Hey. No one's judging you at all, you probably have so many thoughts racing through your head. Take another test and go from there. I choose to keep my baby at 16, even though I love my daughter dearly if I could go back in time, I would of waited. I couldn't do a lot of the things my friends did and lost a lot of my youth due to being a parent. As I was young and had no income, I had to rely on family or the government, it was very difficult. It's completely your choice though and if you do want to have the baby and deeply understand the consequences, no one can tell you otherwise. No one could tell me. I really do feel for you because it's a lot to go through at your age, even a pregnancy scare is a lot. If you're not definitely get on some foolproof contraception, I had the implant for a bit. It was good as I didn't have to remember to take it everyday and I knew I couldn't get pregnant for 3 years.

It's still early days, you have a little bit of time to decide if you are.

Yes I can definitely stop the weed I only really smoke it when my friends share it so it's not like I buy it everyday or something, me and my friends don't really go out sometimes we all get pissed but not all the time maybe like twice or three times a month now it's cold not even that so yeah it will be annoying not being able to join in but I also won't be left out because it's not that deep. Most of the time we just meet and talk and chill for a bit thank u for all the advice

You have another two decades to find a loving partner and have children. Sit down and try to use facts rather than emotion. Do you think this is the best time in your life to have a baby?

If yes then go ahead with the pregnancy if not then perhaps let it go this time.

Might it be that you are trying to have a baby to fill a gap in your life? You need a much better reason than that. Being a mother is a bloody tough gig.

You're 17. You have plenty of time to meet someone special and start a family.

I’m with a lot of the other posters here.
It doesn’t sound like you currently have the means to bring up a child nor does it sound like a healthy environment.
It’s obviously your choice and as others mentioned not having a go just speaking as a person who has a number of friends who made a tough choice to end the pregnancy at your age because they weren’t in a position to raise a child in a healthy, stable, safe environment and none of them regret it.
A lot of them have gone on as others mention above to have kids with a loving partner in a stable relationship.
I do have friends that are single mums and even with careers and their own homes they have it rough.
please think about this child’s potential future op and not just what you want.

They’re not faulty tests. You can implantation bleeding. Speak through your options with a trusted friend or family member. You’re going to be ok. Good luck.

Keeping the baby is equal to deciding to play life on hard mode. And there is no undo button. Huge huge loss of opportunity and freedom.

Think long and hard about this.

You have a very unrealistic view of being able to study with a baby.

Open University study is a really good idea that the OP is aware of because you can start slowly and spread it over lots of years. I did it, with a baby and some support but not a lot I had baby with me most of the time. Their psychology programme is excellent. There is also more support to go to college and/or a brick university these days if OP would prefer that option.

I agree with a lot of the realistic supportive advice from lots of other PPs on here though. It will be hard and there is a lot to think about. But I think OP is reaching out here because she has basically made her decision and knows she needs to get her ducks in a row with her diet and plans.

Huge huge loss of opportunity and freedom.

Freedom for a while yes but not everyone minds that. Opportunity no. It is saying this that makes young parents think they can't do what they would have wanted to for career etc A bit like when you repeatedly tell a child they are naughty all the time, it gets internalised.