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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant? Don't know what to do

63 replies

Anon2792 · 16/12/2022 20:06

Hey, around 3 weeks ago I had sex with someone, we're not together but we've been I guess friends with benefits for a while. We used a condom but after he pulled out we saw it was split and I went to the toilet as soon as we saw. On the 12th, a day or two after I expected my period, I started bleeding, it was a lot lighter than my usual period but over the next 3 days it got heavier so I assumed it was my period. It stopped yesterday which is unusual for me as well as it normally lasts about 5 days not 3. I've done 2 clearblues, one yesterday which is a dark blue line but it's thinner than the control line, and one about an hour ago which is faint but definitely there. I feel like I'm kind of in denial, I'm 17 turning 18 in march and I can't really get my head around it, I keep telling myself they're faulty tests but I don't think two of them would coincidentally be false positives. I also did a hcg strip test when I was on my 'period' and there was a faint line but I thought it wasn't really one because obviously I thought I was on my period. I don't really know what to do and I keep thinking to myself that they're faulty but deep down I know that it's probably not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon2792 · 16/12/2022 22:58

It's not really about if I can have one in th future I know my circumstances aren't ideal but I do still have support from my parents maybe not as much as some people ho still live at home but they are still there for me obviously the dad won't be much help but I have already accepted that even tho I am still really scared how to tell him and yes I will definitely need to sort out my diet and take my vitamins but this will be motivation to actually do that because when it is just for myself I would rather just make toast than make a whol meal.

OP posts:
belowfrozen · 16/12/2022 23:21

Will your accommodation let you stay with a baby?

Original poster
Anon2792 · 16/12/2022 23:26

No but I can stay while I am pregnant and then I'll be moved into a mother baby unit

OP posts:
firsttimelondonmummy · 16/12/2022 23:36

@Anon2792 its of course your choice.
I will however try to give you context as to why people are asking you to think about this decision… I’m in my early 30’s, successful in my career and I am in a long term loving committed relationship with my partner who’s also my age.
Our baby was a surprise and we had to think long and hard about whether we could give a child the life they deserve being we don’t have any savings and thus weren’t financially prepared for a child.
We are heavily relying on the support of parents who we are moving in with to allow us to save for a mortgage to provide baby with a stable home and also to save for the costs associated with raising baby.
Babies on average cost around £8,000 in the first year.
I would ask you to question if you really think in supported living and at such a young age without any financial, career or home stability you should be bringing a child into the world? Also to ask yourself what kind childhood you can provide a child in your current position?

belowfrozen · 16/12/2022 23:44

And if they move you to a mother & baby unit, what happens after that?
Who is paying the rent. What about after you are 18?

Ginger1982 · 16/12/2022 23:46

Why would you not want to get yourself established in a decent job, find somewhere decent to live and meet someone who loves you and wants a baby with you and will be there for you both? Why do you have to do this now?

belowfrozen · 16/12/2022 23:53

Op you absolutely have the right to choose to keep the baby but I ask these questions before you decide. You need to think about where you will live and support yourself for the next 10 years plus

shannonhinton0421 · 16/12/2022 23:58

Anon2792 · 16/12/2022 20:06

Hey, around 3 weeks ago I had sex with someone, we're not together but we've been I guess friends with benefits for a while. We used a condom but after he pulled out we saw it was split and I went to the toilet as soon as we saw. On the 12th, a day or two after I expected my period, I started bleeding, it was a lot lighter than my usual period but over the next 3 days it got heavier so I assumed it was my period. It stopped yesterday which is unusual for me as well as it normally lasts about 5 days not 3. I've done 2 clearblues, one yesterday which is a dark blue line but it's thinner than the control line, and one about an hour ago which is faint but definitely there. I feel like I'm kind of in denial, I'm 17 turning 18 in march and I can't really get my head around it, I keep telling myself they're faulty tests but I don't think two of them would coincidentally be false positives. I also did a hcg strip test when I was on my 'period' and there was a faint line but I thought it wasn't really one because obviously I thought I was on my period. I don't really know what to do and I keep thinking to myself that they're faulty but deep down I know that it's probably not.

I'm sorry your in this situation, I was born from a single mom who had me at 16, my younger sister at 18. My dad was in jail so wasn't in the picture. And as an adult I resented my mom my whole life. I'm not saying this is your situation but it was mine. I'm 26 now and have a 1 year old son. When I was 18 me and partner who I'm still now had been together 7 weeks and I got pregnant, I went ahead and had an abortion when I was 6 weeks pregnant, up until I had my son I always questioned the what if and now I have my son I know I made right decision when I was 18 with no money, no car, no driving license, no stable relationship, no home, absolutely no stability, Being a mom comes with guilt you can't even imagine, you give them the world and in your mind it still isn't enough!
Having a baby is lovely but it's not a baby its a whole human you are raising into adults.
I know some of my friends who where raised by single young moms and love their moms more than anything, for me this just isn't the case!

I hope you are ok! And hope you make the decision that makes you happy.

belowfrozen · 17/12/2022 00:04

Op you must ask what happens re accommodation when you are 18

Original poster
Anon2792 · 17/12/2022 00:07

My accommodation is for 16 to 26 year olds

OP posts:
caringcarer · 17/12/2022 00:08

Can I beg you not to drink any alcohol if you might be pregnant. I care for a boy who's Mum drank whilst pregnant and it is the most likely reason he has complex learning disabilities. Can you get any help from someone? You will need to try to improve your diet get protein and vitamins. Eat fruit.

sjpkgp1 · 17/12/2022 00:10

I'm sending hugs for your dilemma. It is good that you have reached out to Mumsnet to share your feelings and ask for advice, as most people will try and help and they will be kind with no judgement. I can imagine that you are going through some difficult times in your own head, working out what might be best. What you ultimately do is down to you, but please do get the help you need with this, and although you have a bit of time, you haven't got all the time in the world, every week that goes by it does make the process a bit more difficult. X

Original poster
Anon2792 · 17/12/2022 00:12

caringcarer · 17/12/2022 00:08

Can I beg you not to drink any alcohol if you might be pregnant. I care for a boy who's Mum drank whilst pregnant and it is the most likely reason he has complex learning disabilities. Can you get any help from someone? You will need to try to improve your diet get protein and vitamins. Eat fruit.

No I definitely won't I was meant to be going to my mates house tomorrow to get pissed but I won't be now one of my old mates did drugs while she was pregnant and now the babies been taken off her I would never risk something happening to it

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 17/12/2022 00:13

Do you really believe that bring a baby into your current circumstances is in any way a good idea? I'm sorry, it just isn't. Having a baby to provide for, which you can't, is no fairytale. Think of the child, not yourself.

AnneTwackie · 17/12/2022 00:25

I got pregnant as a teenager, nothing could have talked me into not having her, that’s your decision. I’ve made a good life for us but it’s been very hard and I have felt guilty that I haven’t been able to give her everything. If it is positive tomorrow and you’re keeping it, I really wish you well. If it’s not, it’s really worth looking at other contraceptives, not everything affects your weight and hormones, do a bit of research. Also there’s always the morning after pill if you slip up, going to the loo won’t stop you getting pregnant. If you can get your career started and have your babies when you’re more stable you’ll be able to give them so much more x

antipodeancanary · 17/12/2022 00:27

Honestly you sound like you enjoy being looked after. Which is fair enough as you are only 17. I'm getting this feeling from your passivity in saying you will stay in the hostel while you are pregnant, then there is another place you can stay until you are 26, with no real gumption to sort things out for yourself. Likewise you find feeding yourself properly difficult or boring whatever, so you you don't do it. You say you are mature, then you say you wont go on the pill in case you get fat.
If you are going to be a mum you are going to need to do really hard things very often. Will you do those things? Will you put your comfort second to the baby's for the next 20 years? I bloody wouldn't have done at 17 and I was fully aware of it. That's why I didn't have any children until I was 30.

Original poster
Anon2792 · 17/12/2022 00:30

antipodeancanary · 17/12/2022 00:27

Honestly you sound like you enjoy being looked after. Which is fair enough as you are only 17. I'm getting this feeling from your passivity in saying you will stay in the hostel while you are pregnant, then there is another place you can stay until you are 26, with no real gumption to sort things out for yourself. Likewise you find feeding yourself properly difficult or boring whatever, so you you don't do it. You say you are mature, then you say you wont go on the pill in case you get fat.
If you are going to be a mum you are going to need to do really hard things very often. Will you do those things? Will you put your comfort second to the baby's for the next 20 years? I bloody wouldn't have done at 17 and I was fully aware of it. That's why I didn't have any children until I was 30.

I didn't say that someone asked what happens to my accommodation and I explained that it doesn't work like that because it is for 16-26 year olds I didn't say I want to stay here until I'm 26

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon2792 · 17/12/2022 01:20

I'm going bed now doing another test in the morning

OP posts:
Lineeyes222 · 17/12/2022 01:42

Personally I think having a baby in your circumstances is very selfish. What kind of life can you give them? If you waited, got a job, sorted out your living situation and then had one with a partner, you'd still find it hard but at least you'd be bringing up a child in a stable environment with everything they need to flourish. It's unfair to create a whole human being, who may face poverty, who will not have a stable home environment and may as a result experience MH issues later, whose mum has a terrible diet, does weed and drinks (and you say you can easily change all that but I promise you breaking habits is much easier said than done and cooking meals takes a long time to get used to).

What you do is entirely your choice, but these are things you should think about.

girlmom21 · 17/12/2022 08:04

Anon2792 · 16/12/2022 22:58

It's not really about if I can have one in th future I know my circumstances aren't ideal but I do still have support from my parents maybe not as much as some people ho still live at home but they are still there for me obviously the dad won't be much help but I have already accepted that even tho I am still really scared how to tell him and yes I will definitely need to sort out my diet and take my vitamins but this will be motivation to actually do that because when it is just for myself I would rather just make toast than make a whol meal.

Would you really let your parents help you raise a child when whatever has happened between you and them forced you to move out when you were still a child yourself?

Alpacabag22 · 17/12/2022 09:13

Hi @Anon2792 sounds like a stressful situation. Hope you are doing ok.

Can you speak to your local sexual health clinic? They should be able to talk you through all your options and give some reassurance about what the home pregnancy tests and bleeding mean.

Sounds like you are very early so you have time to figure out the right decision for you. It would be a good idea to get checked out anyway given what happened with condom just to be safe.

You'll get lots of advice here but it's not an decision anyone can or should make for you. But I would definitely speak to a healthcare professional as a first step and make sure you are looking after your physical and mental health as your first step.

Original poster
Anon2792 · 17/12/2022 10:49

Just done a test and it's very faint almost nothing there so what's going on because I thought the first pee of the day would be stronger

OP posts:
Unsureofitall · 17/12/2022 11:01

Hi. Is it possible you're testing really early ??? If not have a look online about what a chemical pregnancy is.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 17/12/2022 11:42

Why didn't you get the morning after pill?

saltofcelery · 17/12/2022 11:48

Possibly too early to test, but probably a chemical pregnancy.

I would just say in this instance or in future, think of the unborn child. Try not to take your own feelings into account and put the child first.

What kind of life will you be able to offer it? How will you pay for everything you need? Where is the support? You would be willingly having a child knowing the father wouldn't be interested. How would that make the child feel? How will you pay for things like swimming lessons when they're a bit older?

Being a mother is not sunshines and rainbows. I was desperate for my first child, but the reality of a baby is completely different. After a couple of days I felt like I regretted it and wished I could have waited longer (I was 31!). Obviously that changed, but it was like being trapped with a small screaming stranger who needs constant attention, you are on call 24 hours a day. Your whole life changes but you adjust.

If this is a chemical pregnancy, consider the above questions when you have sex again. Get yourself some proper contraception sorted, preferable LARC.

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