Dealing with Gender Disappointment

[WizzardMum22]

Hello, I am a mum to my darling DS who is 3.5. I am pregnant with number 2 and have found out it will be another DS.

i first want to start with I am so grateful to be pregnant again as it took us 18 months of trying with number 2 but I am slightly disappointed we aren’t having a DD. I have such a beautiful relationship with my own mum I really wanted to experience that mother/daughter bond for my self as a mum.

Will these feeling fade? I know I will love the baby with everything I have like I do my first DS but I feel ashamed for being disappointed but it’s how I feel.

Any advice would be appreciated xx

First of all having a good relationship with your own mum is no guarantee that you and a daughter would get on as well. But also it will fade, I had 2 ds before we had surprise dd and I don't feel any differently about any of them or any closer to her, and my mum is literally my best friend! My boys were just as lovely before dd came and have always been the best of friends, it was actually lovely having just the two brothers together too.

I completely understand how you feel, I was in exactly the same position last year when I found out my second child was another DS. It took me a few days to get over it but I did get over it! DS2 is now 1.5yrs old and the pair of them love each other to bits. It's natural to want a particular sex but it doesn't mean you will love your child any less. I won't lie, I still yearn for a daughter and feel it even more every time I hear of someone having a girl, but I love my boys to bits and am so grateful they're here and healthy. Currently pregnant with third and praying for a girl this time!🙏 the disappointment you feel now will fade I promise!

The feeling will fade. I have two DSs and I also wanted a DD because of wanting the closeness I had with my mum, who I lost when I was a teen. I love my little boys; the youngest is 3 now and they are totally delicious and I couldn't imagine anything else. And I'm not having any more children. A little bit of me does still feel a little pang about friends having girls, but it doesn't change the fact that my boys are my world. All my siblings' children are boys too 😂

I also have two DS and was disappointed to learn my second was not a girl. Now they're getting older they get on brill and I couldn't imagine my second having been a girl.
I'd still love a girl, however, I love both my DS and their relationship is great 😊

Ha - my late husband already had two bits and our first was... a boy! First thing he said after the scan was 'there's always next time'! As long was 41 no guarantee there would be a next time but as luck would have it we did indeed have a girl. I sometimes wonder if we'd had the girl first if we would have stopped them.
I was just happy to have a healthy baby. I only had sisters so wasn't sure what to expect, and the truth is I am closer in personality to my daughter- domestically we get on really well whereas my son I find hard to live with (he's 19 now and lives on his own, and is very high energy and needs a lot of outside stimulation). So it's personality more than sex, I think, as I know plenty of mums pulling their hair out over their daughters!
Concéntrate on having a healthy baby. You don't know yet what type of child he will be. I do think having two of the same sex is often better than a boy and a girl.

Mother son bonds can be just as close as mother daughter ones. Don't but into gender bullshit, bring them up well and you’ll be more likely to have a loving, close family.

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Having a boy is magical.You must have known you were just as likely to have a boy as a girl though.

My DH has a very close relationship with his mum.

I'm female and don't get on with my mum at all.

Nothing is guaranteed with either sex.

It's always a girl isn't it 🙄

Given posters on here are 98% female, is that surprising? If this were Dadsnet I suspect it would be reversed.

Erm no... why does being a female equate to wanting a girl?

These feelings will fade @WizzardMum22 but I know how you feel when I was told my 2nd child was another boy, my heart sank, I kept thinking to myself the sonographer has got this all wrong and its a girl. He was 100% a boy. I'm now in my 3rd trimester of my 3rd pregnancy and I'm having another boy. I don't feel anywhere near as disappointed/disheartened, if anything I'm so excited for my boys as they've wanted a brother right from the point I told them I was pregnant.

As long as baby is happy and healthy that's what matters 🤍

Shared experiences? Reading about how awful men are on MN (but everyone’s sons are amazing and loving, of course).

There really isn't any difference. My DS an only child is 45 and we have an amazing close relationship.
I can't possibly imagine a daughter being any closer to me.

Naturally, I'm not keen on men generally but my son is amazing. I brought him up on my own is why.

So you don’t think your son should be involved in bringing up his own children in future?

It’s how you feel, so whether you should feel that way or not is irrelevant.

You’re incredibly lucky to have a good relationship with your own mother. I’d say don’t be too keen to replicate that. Let your children be them, not an attempt to ‘be’ your own mum for them. Be you.

Please try not to beat yourself up. You can't help how you feel

Gender disappointment is actually quite common and normal. And it does pass. You know that because you've already said that you know you will love your child. I'm sure it will be long gone by the time baby arrives.

You will get some dicks lacking in empathy attacking you on this thread. They come out with their pitchforks each time there's a thread on this topic. Just ignore them.

I have 2 dss, now teenagers. I can 100% promise you that you will come to worship the ground they walk on. You’ll be so proud of your handsome men, you won’t look back. My dss have lovely girlfriends now so often young ladies in my house too. I was close to my mum and she died several years ago but I have loving relationships with my sons, they come shopping with me, do all the things I used to do with my mum. I don’t feel a gap anywhere in my life now. You’re going to love their brother relationship too. Boys are ace (as are girls, of course).

100% agree.

OP I am a mum of 3 boys and love it. They are so close and loving to each other and we are a close family (me, dh and the 3 boys). Every lunchtime at school the youngest 2 seek each other out to cuddle each other (one early years primary and one in nursery) and the oldest goes into the pre school nursery once a week to read to his little brother. I did slightly worry about no mother/daughter bond until I started realising that often the mother/daughter bond comes at the expense of the sons in the family (definitely true in dh family as the females are actively favoured but it’s not a healthy situation for any of them due to a lack of boundaries).

Obviously this isn’t the case in all families but it made me think often these things look nice at surface level but an be deceptive and you get back what you put in relationship wise. Rather than focusing on what you have missed think about what you have gained. There was no guarantee you and a DD would be close but you have 2 sons who will be close to you if you continue to build a loving bond with them. My own sister lives overseas so my mum has only seen her a hand full of times in the last 10 years. Congratulations OP on you baby boy.

If it were Dadsnet it absolutely would be reversed. Stats show that most men want boys, and indeed, are far more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely female.
I have two DS now 20 and 17, and what time has taught me is that for us, two of the same has been absolutely the best outcome.

Excellent advise

Very normal feelings OP, and lots of threads about the same on here.

Just be prepared for lots of negative comments from those who are not so understanding.