Dealing with Gender Disappointment

[WizzardMum22]

Hello, I am a mum to my darling DS who is 3.5. I am pregnant with number 2 and have found out it will be another DS.

i first want to start with I am so grateful to be pregnant again as it took us 18 months of trying with number 2 but I am slightly disappointed we aren’t having a DD. I have such a beautiful relationship with my own mum I really wanted to experience that mother/daughter bond for my self as a mum.

Will these feeling fade? I know I will love the baby with everything I have like I do my first DS but I feel ashamed for being disappointed but it’s how I feel.

Any advice would be appreciated xx

I have two boys it's amazing I love that they have each other to play with too. They both love the same things

Sorry you feel this way, OP.

Question for rest of Mumsnet - has anyone ever seen a thread where the poster says (a) they're disappointed about baby's sex and (b) the baby is a girl? It's always women feeling down about having sons. Why is this? I've seen loads of these threads now and before clicking in you know they're going to say that they're gutted because they're having a boy.

I have one of each and they're amazing. There's not really much difference between parenting a son and a daughter that I've noticed so far...

@ouse i have seen one or two, but it isn’t surprising that women like the idea of daughters is it? And that men generally prefer the idea of a son? When you read the ‘why I hate men’ threads on here it’s amazing so many posters act faux naive on these threads and say ‘how great boys are’. I’m pregnant (with a boy!) and have a DD, one of my reservations about having a son was mainly the impression I get from MN, that men are generally sexist monsters who make our lives a misery. Ive actually had to do a bit of mental untangling because the ‘men are awful’ message really got under my skin.

If it helps I'm a girl I moved as far away from my mum as possible I can't stand her and my mum and hers were very close. I'm sure you will be very close with your boys because your a good mum ! I know quite a few men that are very close one friend takes his mum on every holiday!

Probably a similar reason men often want sons? There is a difference how the fathers side of the family is treated as well, as evidenced by plenty of threads on here. Having a son means you are that side of the family in the future!

Plenty of misogynistic men about but when I found out I was expecting a son it didn't cross my mind that I would be raising one. I had a great father and I have a great husband. If my son grows up like either of them then happy days. Don't worry about your little boy - I'm sure you will be a wonderful role model to him and will surround him with positive male figures too. There are plenty of good men out there - and ideally you will have decided you're with one before you have a child!

Get over yourself and be grateful you can have a child. Poor child coming into this world with you already wishing they were a girl.

In my experience it fades, but it can take awhile to. I'm so glad our youngest can into my life, he's just what my heart was missing.

The feelings do change! I had a son and a daughter, got pregnant with my third baby and I so wanted another boy when she told I was having another girl I immediately started crying I couldn't help it! I think for me it was I already had a boy name picked out and I couldn't imagine another little girl in my family, I didn't speak for about two days I kept telling my husband they could of got the gender wrong! Soon as she was born my feelings changed and I couldn't ever imagine my life without her.

🥱

No need to feel bad about how you feel OP. That feeling will fade. And it really is so wonderful for a boy to have a brother, it doesn’t make much difference when they are little but long-term I think a sibling relationship is more satisfying and close when you are of the sex.

Where did you get that figure from?

Oh bore off...

I have 3 boys and I felt similar when I found out my third was a boy. I got over it, doesn’t help when mum of girls come around saying how much they didn’t want a boy etc & wish for more girls (yes I literally had this the other day.). Gives me pangs of sadness but also makes me fucking annoyed because of the smugness! So many women don’t want boys, it’s absolutely shocking. Why have a baby then?

I do think it’s different when you have a boy already to have ‘one of each’. And it is hard, but my boys have such a lovely relationship as brothers and with me. I am very lucky, as are you. I know you know it deep down. You might get little pangs when the odd girl announcement is made but mostly you will forget about it when he’s here 😊

I must be the minority on mumsnet then haha - hoping for a boy, getting a girl instead.

I understand how you’re feeling OP. I didn’t really accept it for the first few days and was planning on having private scan further along hoping that the 20W scan was wrong. Took me about 3-4 weeks to accept and started bonding with my baby. She’s kicking away as I type this message ❤️ Whatever feeling you have right now will pass x