Planning to breastfeed?

[evenprimrose]

Just wondering who is and isn't planning to try breastfeeding?

I'm due Feb 2023 and I had to spend some time in hospital last month. I was in an antenatal ward being used as a postnatal overflow so there were lots of mums with very cute newborns.

I saw all of them bottlefeeding rather than breastfeeding. I'm pro breastfeeding but also know it's not easy and there are loads of social and physical factors why mums might not do it, but was surprised that the choice seemed to have been made already.

I bf DD and planning to do so with this one. What are your thoughts?

I'm a midwife. Didn't want to breastfeed at all. Baby popped out and my well meaning mum said 'oh look, he's hungry, do you want to try?' and helped me latch baby boy on. 14 weeks later I'm still breastfeeding and glad I gave it a go. Its not been easy, tongue tie, etc etc.

Yes definitely, I found it quite sad to see women who weren't even trying but did feel like I was being judgemental! Maybe this is a thread for AIBU!

That's so great and well done for getting through tongue tie etc!

I’m not pregnant but have a newborn and your thread popped up in active.

I mentioned to a lovely GP during pregnancy that I was hoping to breastfeed, and she gushed back that of course I would be able to! It was a real confidence boost.

DD was born by EMCS after a long labour but latched on in recovery. I had some difficulties breastfeeding at first and had some wonderful support from an infant feeding specialist at the hospital. 6 weeks on and it’s a pure joy, I love the special time we have during breastfeeding. Also very convenient!

I’d recommend going in with the confidence that you will succeed, and find out who is available to help if you encounter any issues. There’s Le Leche League, Breastfeeding Network as well as your hospital.

I'm due soon and planning to breastfeed for sure. I never got the hang of latching my firstborn, plus he was a lockdown baby so the support was sparse, but I managed to pump all his milk for 14 months and avoid too much formula use. So that's an option too, if a much harder one!

I found it quite sad to see women who weren't even trying

I would save your sadness for something else. A general piece of advice which you might find useful once your child is born is to let other mothers get on with doing things the way they choose to do them, and not to give it any thought, never mind judging them. We mostly want to do the best for our children. Motherhood isn't always easy and is certainly not made any easier for being judged by other mothers (or mothers to be).

I've breastfed DD so far - she's 2 years 3 months. DS is due in 6 weeks and I'm planning to BF him too.

My baby was born yesterday, I’m breastfeeding because that’s my choice. You do sound judgmental and a bit patronising. Women can choose how to feed their own children without you needing to feel ‘sad’ about their perfectly valid choices.

I think you are being a little judgey, yes!

I breastfed, but did give my DS some bottles in hospital as well because I was worried he wasn’t getting enough.

You might not have seen breastfeeding on the ward because the mums probably closed their curtains while doing it… that’s what I did anyway, there were lots of dads around waiting for their partner to go for the their c-sections. And I didn’t feel like mastering the art of breastfeeding with an audience.

Completely agree. Don’t add to the new mum guilt! Just let people feed their babies how they want to, it really doesn’t affect you at all. Just concentrate on your baby, and be mindful that not everyone makes the same choices as a parent.

Completely agree.

Live and let live and all that.
Don't feel sad for anyones child. Whether breast or bottle fed, they're being fed. Doesn't matter either way and other mums certainly don't need people like you taking pity on their child.

For some it's excruciatingly painful. Some people (like myself) are on post-cancer medication and it's not safe. Some people just don't want to. Some people have PTSD after sexual assault trauma. Some people have had double mastectomies. So don't feel sad. People like us could do without people like you judging.

Didn’t end up BF’ing either of mine. Wanted to BF my first. Tried for about a week. My nipples ended up with blood blisters and every attempt at feeding was incredibly painful.
I had zero support from midwives or health visitors with regards to holds, tongue ties, despite several requests. He lost so much weight they were on the verge of hospitalising him, but still gave me little advice apart from “keep trying”.

My breaking point was when I was with my newborn baby at some ungodly hour and starting having intrusive thoughts about my beautiful baby being a huge mistake. I told my husband who immediately went out and got formula. It was like night and day. This was in 2018.

I did not want to go through that with my second baby. So went to hospital equipped with pre-made bottles.
You don’t know what people have experienced previously.

Its lovely to see that other people have had lots of support to get it right though!

I'm due in Jan and planning to formula feed for personal / anatomical reasons.

Not entirely sure why you are sad about how other people choose to feed their children. They may have all wanted to breastfeed but were unable to for whatever reason.

Many of the benefits shown in breastfeeding studies have been found out to be mostly related to family economics / class anyway. As far as I know there hasn't been any studies that look at the difference between breastfed and formula fed siblings.

I was so confident that I will breastfeed, when it came to it I tried so hard for weeks I finally accepted that it just didn't work out for me and I moved on.

DD and I are both happy and healthy now, some of the guilt still lingers but I had extremely difficult circumstances and I'm sorry but for me anyone passing judgement on me bottle feeding is just ignorant and/or is pure evil.

OP YABU that is all.

These aren't thoughts I would express to mothers in the real world obviously. That's why I was asking mumsnet 😅

I suppose I think it's sad if there are social factors in the UK (I'm in Scotland) that are behind that choice.

But yeah I obviously didn't see much of what was going on so maybe it wasn't quite as stark as it it seemed.

I found/find it odd people wouldn’t want to breastfeed- for me it was the only option,
completely normal and natural thing to do! All my cousins/aunts/mum/grandmothers breastfed - some extended upto 3/4 years.

I understand many don’t feel that way, and I think some are just the opposite of me, culturally they are only used to seeing bottle feeding - so to them it’s normal to bottle feed and they wouldn’t consider anything else (a bit like myself that I wouldn’t have even considered formula feeding!). A lot is just upbringing and what you’re used to seeing, hence why I will feed anywhere and everywhere as it needs to be normalised.

as long as you are informed about human milk v formula, then you should be supported either way. It just makes me sad so many women want to breastfeed but aren’t supported.

Also I should add that I have a 2 year old and have already been through the nightmare of both difficult breastfeeding and being judged by family etc. I did manage to but it nearly killed me (undiagnosed tongue tie which led to thin baby, lockdown lack of support). I know it's bloody hard and don't in any way judge those who can't. I felt terror that it had to be all or nothing with any formula leading to loss of supply, which was unhelpful too.

But UK rates are really low and I think that's more a social thing. Which to me is sad, because with more support and balance all round it wouldn't be so difficult.

Rant over.

As you mentioned that there are many factors why mothers mightn't breast feed.
You have no idea what these women have just been through, as pp has said that she gave her baby some formula top ups in hospital due to thinking baby wasn't getting enough. They may have just chose not to.. they may have had horrendous births etc, they may be in post natal re admission due to baby not feeding well/gaining weight.
Nice to know that the judgemental parenting starts on the post natal ward 🙄

I know there's lots of reasons for people formula feeding but I cannot understand why people won't try and bf. I would never judge anyone for the choices that they make, but I find it hard to understand the reasons why when you're pregnant you decide straight away to ff. I expressed for 18m with my first boy and breastfed my second till he gave up himself at 2.5yrs x

No. I tried with my son and the pain was another level, worse than labour. I chose to bottle feed him rather than scream the ward down every time he latched on. It made me incredibly sad as I had planned to breastfeed and it never occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to do it. We had no bottle feeding stuff in the house at all, just a breast pump.

I’m still breastfeeding my second child, she’s almost 18 months. I fed my first until she was 1 and she naturally stopped herself. I was lucky and found it very easy, much easier then messing around sterilising bottles in the middle of the night!

No.
DH absolutely loved sharing all the care of DC, and that incudes feeding. He gave him his first ever feed and is a brilliant dad. He didn't insist or pressurise me, it was just something that fell into place. We took equal PL and share all childcare now. When no 2 comes along we will do the same. Everyone is happy (and more importantly, fed haha).

If you can't understand why it's probably for one of the lots of reasons you just mentioned and also - none of your business