Planning to breastfeed?

[evenprimrose]

Just wondering who is and isn't planning to try breastfeeding?

I'm due Feb 2023 and I had to spend some time in hospital last month. I was in an antenatal ward being used as a postnatal overflow so there were lots of mums with very cute newborns.

I saw all of them bottlefeeding rather than breastfeeding. I'm pro breastfeeding but also know it's not easy and there are loads of social and physical factors why mums might not do it, but was surprised that the choice seemed to have been made already.

I found it quite sad to see women who weren't even trying but did feel like I was being judgemental! Maybe this is a thread for AIBU!
*
I know it's bloody hard and don't in any way judge those who can't*

Two quotes from you OP you said you were being judgemental and then saying you don't judge those who can't 🙄

I did breastfeed btw but only for a couple of months due to it being 'bloody hard' and loosing my supply. I never once felt judged and I wouldn't judge another mother on their feeding choices either. Being a parent is easier when you have nice people around you.

An individual mother choosing to formula feed doesn't make me sad.

The underhand and immoral practices of formula companies makes me fucking raging! The misogyny behind so much of it is sickening.

I understand why women don’t continue to breastfeed and that for some there are
medical reasons(such as being on medication or trauma) why they do not at all, but I also can’t grasp why you wouldn’t even try an initial feed if you are able to to make sure your baby got some of the health benefits of breast milk (which can NEVER be replicated in formula).

Defaulting to formula without giving bf a go just seems a surprising choice. How can you know in advance?

Not being able to for whatever reason is different.

Yeah exactly this, when it's things like that or the sexualisation of it that means it's not even an individual's choice.

My 2 year old still asks for milk occasionally and I don't think she gets much if any but unlike a previous poster I am not brave enough to do it in public and even now somewhat in front of my partner or family feel a bit awkward.

So this is a complete non-thread, then, OP.

One minute you say you might be judging, then you say you are 'in no way' judging.

You say it made you sad to see new mothers formula feeding, then say - when others mention it - that they may have had reasons that you didn't know about (even if it were any of your business, which it isn't).

What point were you trying to make? That some women can bf easily and others can't? That some don't want to? That some would like to but need more support? It sounds as if you're backtracking on having been judgy, tbh.

I know a few women who can't stand their breasts being touched, they have terribly painful breasts with hormonal changes. Other reasons women who have been abused, women who have had breast implants or breast reductions the nerves can be affected so you cant stimulate the oxytocin therefore no milk is produced, damaged milk ducts also due to this women who've had breast cancer.... there's lots of reasons of why women won't want to.

/can't and know in advance of this

I knew a woman who lost a breast to cancer in her early 20s. When she was pregnant she desperately wanted to try to breastfeed. She felt she needed her breast to do something 'right'.

She got so frustrated with everyone giving up on her before she'd even started. They were well meaning, not wanting her to put pressure on herself etc, but it was something she wanted to do and that desire was ignored.

She successfully combi fed her child.

I'm glad she managed. @Twizbe but you missed my point as I forgot to tag reply to OP.
She asked how can people know in advance if they don't want to breast feed.
That was one of my examples

I formula fed both of mine. I tried breast-feeding my first but there was very little
support then (she’s an adult now). I never looked back once the decision was made to go with formula - nobody needs to feel sad on behalf of me or my children. Both my DC are healthy, well-rounded individuals with no allergies, asthma or eczema and very rarely picked up any bugs when they were little. It’s lovely bonding with your baby through feeding looking down at their little faces whether this is by breast or bottle and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

It’s an individual choice and mums shouldn’t feel pressured or inadequate however they feed. You don’t love your baby less because you choose formula - sadly a view that a very small minority of BF mums have.

I wish you well whatever you choose OP and will say there does seem to be a lot more support for BF mums than when mine were babies. If I’d been given more support I might have continued, who knows.

This is absolutely how I feel. You said it much more eloquently than my waffle 😂

@MarceyMc I am not the OP and didn't mention any reasons above. There are lots of things that might be "none of my business" ie:don't directly affect me but that doesn't mean that I'm not interested to learn others' points of view and to expand my knowledge on certain things.

Breastfeeding was very difficult to establish last time with my premature son, my milk was late coming in, his latch was terrible due to tongue tie and I sucked at pumping. He ended up combi fed for a few months due to failure to thrive. I'm glad we persevered as it got much easier with practice, and it was so handy not having to take bottles everywhere.

I'm hoping to bf this one but I'm not putting the same pressure on myself now I know it isn't always the walk in the park that the NCT claim.

I bottle fed, never wanted to breast fed ( for a number of reasons but social and financial reasons were not among them)
I'm delighted with my choice, and support those mums who was to bottle or breast fed.
I will say I found those mum who breast fed much much more judgy that those mums who bottle fed.

I don't understand why women get so much stick for what they choose.

With so many other things women scream from the rooftops about honouring and respecting the choices of women but those same people will judge choices to do with child feeding.

You either support and respect the ability of each women to make a choice, or you don't. You don't tend to hear of women ganging up on other women because they don't feed their child organic food. It's basically the same thing so why all the judgement over formula feeding vs breast?

Why doesn't everyone keep their negative opinions to themselves

What do you mean how can you know in advance??? Are you really that dim? Stop with the bollocks of 'I'm not judgemental' as you're coming across that way however you dress up your point.

I knew in advance as I was on drugs that were keeping me alive that weren't safe for my daughter after a long and horrible cancer battle.

People like you can fuck off.

You literally said 'I know there are lots of reasons...' and then said you can't understand why people don't try - I was pointing out that you had answered your own question and that people's reasons not to breastfeed are none of your business, which they aren't

So they have done sibling studies which eliminate many of these problems with other studies re class/maternal IQ etc and those studies suggest the difference is negligible in many instances. Like they show that there's probably less risk of ear infections in the first year, improved infant immunity, fewer digestive issues etc but the long term claims around IQ /Obesity etc don't stack up in those studies. I've looked at it quite a lot as I couldn't BF my first despite really wanting to due to meds I was on that were totally incompatible. Having said that due a baby next year and will try to BF and would prefer to if I can as I've always wanted to but I think there's a lot of long term guilt created for mums based on information that's not quite right.

@earthlybeing oh gosh, in some circles you do. I had some super judgemental mums come at me for not BLW and using pouches (honestly you'd think I was feeding my son poison)

Obviously there are clear examples where people cannot breastfeed, eg because of cancer medications.

Exceptions aside, I think most women can breastfeed, if given adequate support. From what I know, support for breastfeeding in hospitals isn’t great. Personally, it’s really important for me, so I am researching all the obstacles now, and plan to play for an IBCLC consultation prior to and after birth, to ensure I am giving myself the best possible support. I do think a lot of people give up because of the pain, not being able to latch etc - these can be overcome with the right support. But often that support is not available (due to knowledge, finances). Also, often babies are taken away from mother for checks etc, when skin-to-skin for the first hour - or several hours - is what can help breastfeeding (& help regulate babies temperature & everything else they need).

Breastfeeding is better for baby- it’s pretty crazy that the makeup for breast milk actually even changes according to baby’s needs - it’s a two-way relationship (hence breastfeeding is better than pumping). So I do think it should be encouraged, for those that do not have a medical reason not to.

I bottle fed mine. So much easier.

I breastfed mine. So much easier

I didn’t breast feed my first (due to medication), I may attempt to with number two as i think it might be easier and cheaper if it all works fine. I don’t really understand why other women not breast feeding makes anyone else sad though. I don’t think I would notice how others are feeding their babies.

I desperately wanted to breastfeed but for various reasons it just wouldn’t work. Had it not been for judgemental people like you and hospital staff so eager to push breastfeeding, I would have switched to bottles in the hospital. Instead, I persevered and my baby ended up barely getting any milk for nearly 48 hours. I still have major mum guilt because of the ‘breast is best’ brigade. So, kindly, shove your judgement! Motherhood is hard enough so we need to support each other and our choices. Fed is best.